How to Forget
by Shadow Masen
Summary: Where do you go if you don't know who you are, and what if you find you don't want to remember? Edward finds himself in Forks under suspicious circumstances, can Bella help him discover who he truly is? BxE AH
1. Prologue

Twilight sandbox: hers. This little castle: mine.

Thanks to my betas JenRar and Jules Lovestoread-you guys are awesome!

Thanks also to my pre‑readers: drotuno (for giving me just what I needed just when I needed it), Beffers87 (for my lovely banners and for being my biggest cheerleader), and OcSickGirl (for moral support, story ideas, and kicks in the ass as needed)!

A/N: This is my first fic of any real length, so be gentle. Reviews are awesome, but if you don't have anything nice or constructive to say, I'd prefer you not say anything at all, mmkay?

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**Prologue**

I was on the ground, my cheek mashed into the forest floor, the scent of decaying leaves assaulting my nose. My chest was on fire, and I gasped as white hot agony shot through me as I tried to draw a shallow breath. I couldn't see him, but I knew he was still standing over me, waiting for my answer. I tried to roll onto my back, but my right knee exploded in pain the moment I tried to push my weight over. I fell back to the ground, the leaves crunching under my face.

"Who is it, Edward?" he yelled. "Tell me now, and I'll make this quick and painless…well, quick anyway," he finished, savagely kicking my already broken ribs.

I howled in pain, but I wasn't broken…yet.

"Fuck you, I'm not telling you anything!" I wheezed out between hitching breaths, with as much defiance as I could muster.

Another voice called out from farther away, "If he won't tell us, maybe she will."

The sound of a woman struggling made my blood run cold.

"Leave her alone! She doesn't know anything!" I pleaded, opening my eyes and squirming to try to see her. It was dark as pitch, so I didn't have a prayer of seeing much, but I hoped that she was close enough that I could make eye contact with her, and try to figure a way out of this mess.

A boot came down on the side of my head, hard enough to make me see stars, and to still me.

"Well, she knows about you, and about us, and that's enough to punch her ticket to hell," he replied eagerly, obviously taking great satisfaction in what he was about to do.

Then, I heard the sounds of a struggle, followed by a muffled curse and someone crashing through the underbrush.

"_Fuck_! " the man above me swore, and the boot was quickly removed from my head. "How did you manage to let her go?"

"The bitch bit me!" the other man roared.

I heard shots ring out from just a few feet away, and then her screams filled the night air.

"_Noooooo_!" I heard myself scream as I forced my arms to hold my weight, trying with everything I had to stand. Suddenly, the back of my head exploded in pain…

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I floated in a haze, just barely aware that I even existed. It was warm and comfortable. I could stay here forever. But someone was calling me… Where were they?

"Sir. Sir, wake up."

It suddenly got very bright, and I squeezed my eyes shut against the light. I raised my arm to try to block it out, but I gasped halfway through the motion as pain seared across my chest.

"No, don't try to move, sir. Please, stay still," said the voice.

My eyes seemed to have adjusted a bit, so I opened them, blinking blearily.

I was clearly in a hospital. The white walls and constant whirr and beep of machinery were a dead giveaway. A short, dark-haired woman with a pixie haircut stood over me, concern written all over her face. Behind her stood a taller woman with almost the same hair color, but hers was drawn in a ponytail and her face was framed by horn-rimmed glasses. I stared at them both, wondering where the hell I was.

"Sir," the taller one said, "can you tell me your name?"

I opened my mouth immediately to answer, but I quickly realized that I _had_ no answer. What was my name? It was a simple question, but it seemed I didn't know who I was. Panic gripped me instantly, and I tried to sit up, latching my right hand onto the IV in my left and pulling at the same time. The women before me sprang into action immediately, the taller one moving to restrain me and the shorter one injecting a needle directly into my arm.

"_Noooooo!_" I wailed as the drug took me under.

My last thought was that this must be hell…

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A/N: Don't fear the WIP! This story is already complete and in beta-will post twice a week-ish. Hope you're enjoying it so far!


	2. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1  
**

The next time I awoke, the first thing I noticed was that I was in restraints, my arms held to the bed just below my elbows by bands of Velcro. As I tested their strength, my ribcage screamed in protest, drawing a pained gasp from me. It hurt to breathe, and I could only do it shallowly, unable to take a full breath due to something around my chest. Okay, I must have broken a few ribs…

I wiggled the toes on both of my feet and bent my left leg at the knee. So far, so good. No such luck with my right leg—it was too heavy to lift under the sheet, and when I tried to flex my knee, pain shot all the way down to my toes and back up again, for good measure.

My hands and arms seemed okay, except for the restraints and the IV in my left hand. Was there anything else? I tried to raise my head from the pillow, and the pain that shot through the back of my skull almost caused me to black out. The monitors went crazy, and ten seconds later, the pixie-haired nurse from the other day flew into the room, stopping dead when my eyes met hers.

"Are you all right?" she asked, coming to my side and smiling gently.

"I don't know…am I?" I asked, a little confused.

"Yes, I think you will be," she replied kindly. "Let me page Angela and Dr. Gerandy so they can come see you."

She left the room quickly and returned in a few minutes. My mind felt sluggish, like there was something wrong, but I just couldn't figure out what it was. A minute later, a tall woman—one I seemed to remember seeing before—entered the room and smiled warmly at me.

"Well, hello there. We've been wondering when you would wake up again," she said kindly, walking to the side of my bed and resting a hand on my arm.

I smiled at her tentatively, still unable to shake the…fear that had settled in the pit of my stomach.

"Do you remember talking to me before?" she asked casually.

I shook my head, wincing and regretting the movement.

"Okay, the next few minutes might be difficult, but I want you to remember that we're here to help you, all right?"

I nodded, the queasy feeling in my stomach intensifying.

"I'm Angela. Can you tell me your name?" she asked quietly, and I stared at her, dumbfounded.

My eyebrows knit as I thought about it, but I truly had no idea. It was like part of my mind was covered in a fog that I just couldn't penetrate, a black space where I could walk and walk and find no quarter.

I closed my eyes as I concentrated harder, drawing in sharp, painful breaths and beginning to panic a bit as I found no answers, and the back of my head started to throb.

I jumped as the woman touched me. "Hey, it's okay. We'll figure it out. Don't panic. Remember, you're not alone and I'm here to help you."

I tried to raise my hand to my forehead and glared down at the restraint on my arm.

"If you promise to behave yourself and stay put, I'll loosen that," the woman said, raising a quizzical eyebrow.

"I'll stay, I promise," I replied and then gratefully raised my right hand to my forehead as she loosened the strap in front of her. I found a strip of thin gauze on my forehead and felt my way around until I encountered a thicker pad on the back of my head, and I winced as I probed it with my fingers.

"You were lucky," the woman said. "You have a traumatic brain injury, but we were able to control the swelling in the Neuro ICU so you didn't need surgery. Unfortunately, it's caused you memory loss. Most of the time, it isn't permanent, though."

_Most of the time? _

"Where am I?" I asked, desperately needing to at least know something.

"You're in Forks County Hospital in Washington State. You've been here for almost two weeks now."

_Two weeks_? I knew my geography, somehow, so at least I knew where Washington was, but I didn't know if I lived here or not.

"How did I get here?"

She looked down at the floor.

"What is it?" I asked, feeling panic bloom at the base of my spine.

"Can you tell me anything that you do remember?" she asked gently.

I closed my eyes and thought. I remembered waking up once before—and actually, this woman was there, and that other one, and I couldn't remember my name, and they drugged me. I told her as much, but somehow, I knew there was more. "But I should remember even more than that, shouldn't I? Even though I don't remember anything before waking up in this hospital?"

"I won't lie to you…" She smiled at me sadly. "This is the third time you've had to start over this week. In addition to the amnesia, the brain injury is causing short-term memory loss. I'm hopeful that this will resolve itself as the swelling in your head continues to decrease."

I closed my eyes in frustration, trying in vain to remember anything before today, other than the brief episode I had described to her. I inhaled sharply as pain stabbed at the back of my head and again I jumped as the woman touched my arm.

"Don't try too hard to recall anything if it's just not coming. Your mind isn't ready yet for some reason, and it's given you a migraine twice now and we've had to sedate you. You're just going to have to be patient."

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Whoever I was, patience was apparently not a quality I had in abundance.

I'd been awake in the hospital here in Forks for three weeks now, and while my body continued to mend steadily, my mind was still in pieces. I still remembered nothing before waking up in the hospital, and I knew I'd already lost a few things that had happened since. The police told me I'd been found, face down, in the middle of the Olympic National Forest, beaten bloody, with a shattered knee, five broken ribs, and a nasty blow to the head. The head injury had caused brain swelling, and they'd kept me in a coma for a week to let the swelling go down before finally allowing me to wake up. And even now, it was difficult to think straight. My broken ribs were exquisitely painful—I couldn't draw a breath without wincing unless I'd had a healthy dose of fentanyl, and the narcotics kept me pretty fuzzy most of the time.

It was strange. I knew how to do all the basic things—talk, eat, read, probably even drive…although I'm sure they wouldn't let—but I couldn't remember a thing that had happened before three weeks ago. The frustration was unbelievable, but Dr. Weber, my shrink, kept trying to convince me to calm down and that everything would be fine. Really? Well, she wasn't the one with no fucking clue what her name was!

The worst part was that in the month since I'd been found, no one had reported me missing. The local police had run my fingerprints, sent out bulletins to the police in the three surrounding states, and checked all the national databases for missing persons, and it seemed no one was looking for me. How could a person have a whole life, and no one notice that they'd gone missing? Did I have family, friends? Was no one close enough to me to bother to report that they hadn't heard from me? I'd thought through this a thousand times in the last few weeks, and none of the scenarios I came up with said good things about who I was. The way I was found made it seem even worse. I'd obviously been beaten and left to die, and I couldn't really imagine any reasons for that that weren't illegal, given that no one was looking for me. I could have bought into being the victim of a random act of violence, if it weren't for the fact that no one seemed to care that I'd disappeared.

The staff at the hospital were exceedingly kind to me, and I couldn't help but feel that I didn't deserve it. I had tried to be patient and gracious when they were nice to me, but the guilt and dark thoughts in my head had driven me to bitterness, and the pity in their eyes infuriated me. Whoever I was, I didn't like to be pitied, and apparently, I had a very short fuse…

And I had remembered nothing from my past in the three weeks I'd been awake. Dr. Weber had christened me John, and I hadn't objected, since I didn't have a better idea or any fucking clue who I really was. I met with her twice a week, but it was really more to help me deal with the frustration of knowing nothing than to help me remember—all my efforts in that direction kept landing me with migraines, to the point that I was reluctant to even try anymore.

I had been left alone for the most part, but last week, Dr. Gerandy had made me start PT for my knee, which meant a whole new set of people to engender my wrath simply by being nice to me. Most of the ward staff had already given up on me, with the exception of Alice, the nurse with the pixie haircut that I'd met the first day I woke up. She always had a smile on her face and was bright and cheerful, no matter how badly I treated her. She was annoying in the extreme. I wondered how long it would be until she gave up on me too.

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**Bella**

It was my first day, and I was nervous. I'd been working at the outpatient physical therapy clinic in Forks for almost a year, but when a part-time slot at the Forks County Hospital PT clinic came open, I grabbed it. The outpatient clinic didn't have enough patients right now for me to work there full‑time, so adding part-time at the hospital _almost_ made what I was making into a respectable salary.

I parked my truck in the employee lot and made my way up to the fourth floor, where the clinic was located. My friend Jasper worked there, so it wasn't as if I didn't know anyone.

"Hi, Bella," Jasper said as I walked through the clinic's big double doors. "Your first patient will be here in a minute, so let me show you around real quick."

He led me around to the various stations that they had set up: a few circuit training machines, a treadmill, a set of stairs, an ultrasound, as well as showing me the shelves where they kept their hand weights, elastic bands, and towels among other things.

As we made our way back around to the doors, a pretty blond woman walked in and gave Jasper and me a big smile.

"You must be Bella," she said warmly. "I'm Rosalie Hale, Jasper's partner in crime here."

Jasper winked at her. "Yeah, we're a regular Bonnie and Clyde, we are."

I smiled, relaxing a little bit. This wouldn't be so bad, as long as my colleagues were nice.

Just then, a side door to the clinic opened and an orderly wheeled our first patient in. He was in his late twenties and dashingly handsome: sharp green eyes, a strong, squared jaw, and untamed reddish brown hair. I held my breath for a moment and then let it go slowly, reminding myself that he was a patient.

Now I looked with my clinician's eye and noted the bandage wrapped around his forehead, the splint on his right leg, which was elevated on the chair's raised leg rest, and the fading bruises on his face and forearms. He'd obviously been through something rather traumatic.

"And that," declared Jasper, "is your first patient for today. John. Fractured patella and PCL tear, just started range of motion therapy last week. Easy peazy."

I glanced over at Rosalie and Jasper and saw the look that passed between them, but they just smiled at me in encouragement. I noticed his chart on the desk and I leaned over to have a quick look before going over to him, but there was surprisingly little information in there.

I took a deep breath and headed over to meet my first patient of the day.

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**John**

It was Monday morning at nine a.m., and as usual, Jake wheeled me down to the physical therapy clinic. I glanced around with disdain and boredom, but something was different this morning. There was a new face to look at. At the far end of the room, Jasper and Rosalie stood chatting with a mousy-looking woman I'd never seen here before. She had long brown hair pulled back into a pony tail and deep brown eyes to match, set in a pale, but slightly heart-shaped face. She was slender and fit, and she held herself like someone with confidence, but as I watched, she leaned over the desk to glance at the open chart there and overbalanced, just catching herself before she tumbled to the floor. Yes, fit, but certainly not graceful.

As I was waiting impatiently for either Jasper or Rosalie, the new girl picked up the chart and angled across the room toward me, a warm smile lighting her face. Oh fuck, a new one. And those two decided to break her in by giving her to me. Fabulous.

"Hi, you must be John," she said brightly. They had obviously not warned her about me.

"I don't know, actually, but it's what that quack has decided to call me," I snapped.

She looked slightly taken aback and confused, but she covered it quickly.

"Well then, let's get started, shall we?" she said as she sat down in front of me, fiddling with the straps on my splint.

"I've got it!" I snarled, hissing as pain shot through my ribs as I stretched forward to open the Velcro.

"I can help you," she began, and I could see the pity in her eyes. I would have none of that.

"Thanks, but I'm _fine_ without your _help_," I barked, sliding the splint out from under my leg too quickly, jarring both my knee and my ribs in the process. I scrunched my eyes shut as I winced.

I needed to settle down, but between this place and the mess in my head, it seemed I lived on the edge of meltdown these days, and this girl was my new annoyance. I took a deep breath, pinching the bridge of my nose with my fingertips.

"Let's just get this over with," I huffed, glaring up at her.

She met my eyes, uncertain and distant, but she was too well-trained in her job to let me completely fluster her. She gently lowered the foot rest, causing my knee to bend in the process. I pursed my lips, preparing for the pain of the next few minutes, and tried to gather my patience.

"Okay, let's do some leg raises to see what your strength level is."

I glared at her, but I waited for her to tell me exactly what she wanted me to do. She met my gaze, but quickly lowered her eyes.

"Raise your leg off the floor and straighten it, and let's see how long you can hold that position, okay?"

I grunted as I raised my leg, scrunching my eyes tightly and breathing rapidly with the effort. I held it for about five seconds and then lowered it in defeat.

"Come on, you can do better than that," she encouraged.

"No, I really can't, so fuck off."

She stared at me, but what I saw in her eyes now was not pity, but anger. She narrowed her eyes at me. "Listen, I'm just doing my job here," she snapped.

"And I'm just doing mine, which is to put up with you and your fucking 'help' for thirty minutes until Jake says I can go."

"Well, I think you've gotten all the 'help' you're going to get from me today!" she yelled, grabbing the chart from the chair arm and stalking off across the room.

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**Bella**

I stormed to the opposite end of the room, glaring at Rosalie and Jasper as they tried to contain their laughter.

"You owe me lunch," Jasper said, pointing at Rosalie, and she rolled her eyes in response.

"What the hell was that all about?" I almost yelled, confused and still seething at the way he'd treated me.

"We're sorry," said Rosalie. "John is our problem child right now, and we wanted to see if you could handle him any better than we can."

"So you bet on how long I would put up with him?" I asked, incredulous.

"Well, that was just a last-minute thing…" Jasper hedged, looking down and having the decency to look ashamed.

"I'll go back and try again," I declared, but Rose grabbed my arm as I went to turn around.

"Nah, it's your first day. We don't want our pain in the ass patients to send you looking for another job. I'll go see what I can get out of him," Rose added, plastering a smile on her face and walking across the room.

I went and helped Jasper work with Harry Clearwater, aggravated that I'd lost my temper so quickly and allowed a patient to get under my skin. For some reason, his unwillingness to try combined with his harsh words had pushed all the right buttons, and I didn't know why. When I was finished, I headed back to the desk area, where Jasper and Rose were already congregated.

I glanced back at John, who was glaring at all of us as Jake helped him replace his splint to take him back to his room. His eyes were hard, but there was something else there too.

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**John**

I glared at the three of them as they stood out of earshot, obviously talking about me. I'd scared that new one off in under five minutes—I wondered if that was a new record. As entertaining as harassing the staff was, it did nothing to alleviate the stress brought on by my bigger problems: _who the fuck was I, and how did I get here_?

Just then Jake bustled through the door to retrieve me and stopped dead as he saw me sitting here alone, a scowl on my face. He smiled knowingly. "Pissed off another one, did you? You know, you really need to stop abusing the staff," he scolded me.

"And what would you do for fun if I did?" I quipped, but I was done for the day. I could feel the headache already coming on, and I still had an appointment with Dr. Weber this afternoon. I silently let him wheel me back so I could rest a bit before the next ordeal.

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A/N: Thanks everyone for all the love so far! I'm glad you're enjoying it and eager for more!

Love to my team: "lightning" JenRar, Beffers87 (I owe you big), drotuno (I owe you bigger), OcSickGirl, and Jules Lovestoread!


	3. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2  
**

**Bella**

I tried to forget about my encounter with John as I worked through the rest of my day. As we finished at four, Jasper came up behind me and put his hands on my shoulders.

"Don't forget that you promised Alice that we'd all go out tonight to celebrate your first day in the clinic," he reminded me.

Shit! I _had_ forgotten! I was tired, and I just wanted to go home, but Jasper and I both knew that there was no refusing Alice. We had all been friends since high school, and I knew better than to try to cross her.

I sighed in defeat. "Where are we going?"

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We met at Tyler's for burgers and a few drinks, and Alice was eager to hear how my first day had gone.

"Well, it was okay, I guess," I said uncertainly.

"She had John as her first patient," Jasper piped in, tossing a few French fries in his mouth as he spoke.

Alice punched him in the arm with considerable force for her small size. "Why did you and Rosalie do that to her? Were you trying to drive her out of the clinic before noon?"

"Ouch!" Jasper whined. "It wasn't my idea!" He looked at both of us sheepishly. "Well, it wasn't all my idea anyway."

Alice glared at him.

"We had hoped that maybe Bella would be better with him than either of us had been. You know he was hell on wheels for us last week."

"What the hell is his problem?" I complained. "He was a _complete_ asshole today, and there's just no excuse for that."

Alice's eyes widened as she stared at me. "You don't know about him?"

"What's there to know, other than that he's a jerk?" I replied irritably.

Alice and Jasper exchanged a look.

"What?" I said defensively. "What happened to him?"

"Well, no one really knows," Alice said conspiratorially. "Didn't you see it on the news? The park police found him in the Olympic National Forest a month ago. He was beaten up pretty good. Broken ribs, shattered knee, but the worst part is the brain injury. He can't remember who he is, and he's still having short-term memory problems. He might not remember what happened today when you see him again."

"Oh fuck, how awful!" I cried. I was still angry with him for treating me that way, but now I could see that at least he had a good reason for being in a rotten mood. "He didn't have any ID on him when they found him?"

"No," replied Jasper, "only the clothes on his back. And no one has come looking for him."

"No one?" I repeated, completely surprised. A guy that good-looking had to be missed by someone…

"The hospital doesn't know what they're going to do with him," said Alice. "He'll need to be there for at least a few more weeks until he's mentally stable enough to be released, but I don't know where he'll go after that. Where do you go when you don't remember who you are?"

"Angela is working with him, but he doesn't seem to have remembered anything significant yet," Jasper added.

"Is he in your unit, Alice?" I asked her.

"Yeah, he's been there for a month now. The staff have just about had it with him. I mean, I know he has a good reason to be upset, but lashing out at everyone who tries to help him is certainly not making things any easier for him."

"Yeah, I'm sure it's not," I replied, taking a thoughtful sip of my beer. There was more to John than I had originally thought, and surprisingly, I found myself more than a little curious about him. I decided that on Wednesday, I would try harder to keep my cool, even if he acted like a jackass.

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On Wednesday morning, I got to the hospital clinic a little before nine, to find Jasper and Rose already there. They were looking through the day's stack of charts and deciding who would be working with which patients.

"Jasper, you take Harry this morning, I'll take John, and Bella can work with Mrs. Cope," I heard Rosalie saying. Most patients were on a first name basis, but Mrs. Cope was a former school administrator, and most people couldn't seem to call her by her first name.

"I'll take John," I declared as I walked up to them.

They both looked at me like I was crazy, and I squirmed a little uncomfortably.

"Are you sure?" Jasper asked. "He gave you a rough time on Monday, and it's not likely to be any better today."

"I'm sure. I was…less than professional when we ended the session, and I can do better than that. And besides, if he thinks I'm going to take crap from him, he's got another thing coming."

"Oh, this ought to be entertaining," enthused Rose, grinning at me knowingly.

I could tell that I was going to keep the job interesting for the two of them today.

The sound of the side door from the ward opening announced the arrival of John, and as they had on Monday, his eyes immediately found me, sizing me up. But something was off—he didn't look ready to pick up right where we left off, as I had been expecting.

But he did look…amazing. The bandage was gone from his head, and his copper-brown hair was just long enough to be wild, sticking up wantonly and begging for someone's fingers to try to tame it. A few strands hung down over his forehead, and I found myself longing to brush them to the side. I startled as Jasper took the pile of charts out of my loose grip, shaking my head sharply and berating myself for letting my mind wander. However attractive, John was a patient, and a jerk at that, so I had no business fantasizing.

Jasper and Rose exchanged a look, and I grabbed the chart from the desk with unnecessary force and took off across the room to get away from their curious stares.

Jake had parked John's wheelchair on the far side of the room where I'd worked with John so disasterously on Monday, and he fixed me with a hard stare as I approached him.

"Well, John, it's nice to see you again," I said firmly, sitting down on the chair in front of him.

"What the fuck are you talking about? I don't know you," he spat, looking at me as if I was the crazy one. "I've never seen you before in my life." But then he paused, and his brow furrowed in confusion.

"I worked with you on Monday. Do you remember?" I asked quietly, trying not to agitate him.

"I...shit!" he swore, bringing his hand up to cover his eyes and ramming his elbow down on the arm of the wheelchair.

I couldn't very well tear him a new one for Monday when he didn't even remember being such an ass to me. I took a deep breath and composed my face into a smile. "Well, these things happen. Let's just start over, shall we? I'm Bella," I said kindly, but he didn't seem to have heard me.

Watching the uneven rise and fall of his shoulders as he tried to master himself, I was moved with pity. Taking no heed to my better judgment, I reached out and gently touched his arm, making him jump.

"Hey, it'll be all right," I tried to comfort him, but the fire in his eyes as his head snapped up instantly told me that I'd made a mistake.

"Just what makes you think that, Bella, and what would you know about it anyway?" he snapped, glaring at me for all he was worth. Suddenly, he looked away, his rage channeling to frustration. "Don't answer that. Let's just get this the fuck over with, okay?"

I didn't answer him, but I reached forward and began to undo the Velcro on his Zimmer splint. This time, he let me, still looking dejectedly to the side and wincing only slightly as I slid it out from under his leg.

He said nothing more for at least fifteen minutes, allowing me to help him on to the treatment table and not protesting as I moved him through the range of motion exercises, hissing his discomfort a few times as I tried to gently extend his range.

Now came the part he needed to actively participate in. "Okay, John, let's try some leg extensions," I began, positioning his legs so his feet were flat on the table, his knees bent. "Lift your right leg and hold it parallel to the table for me, for as long as you can, okay?"

He glanced over at me, barely containing his disdain. "I can't do this," he answered, daring me to tell him otherwise.

"Yes, you can. We won't know for how long you can do it, though, until you try," I replied, keeping my voice level.

"What if I don't want to? And particularly not for a snot-nosed bitch who thinks she knows everything?" His velvet tone was seductive, in direct contrast to the harshness of his words.

I narrowed my eyes at him, my temper instantly flaring. "Hey, just because something bad happened to you doesn't give you the right to be a _jackass_ to everyone around you! Now, I can't _make_ you do anything, but you _will_ treat me with respect, or I'll report you for harassment and have my dad throw your ass in jail!"

"Your dad?" he asked incredulously.

"Yeah, he's the fucking chief of police, and I can call him down here if you'd like," I replied heatedly. _So much for maintaining my composure…_

His eyes went wide as I spoke, and in my periphery I saw Jasper's and Rose's heads pop up. There was utter silence in the clinic. John looked up at me towering threateningly over him, and to my complete and utter surprise, he beat a hasty retreat. He looked away, and without another word, he raised his leg as I had asked him to, breathing in sharply and then holding his breath through the pain as he held the position for a full thirty seconds.

"Thank you," I said quietly. "Can you do it a few more times, until your leg gets tired?"

He complied wordlessly and repeated the exercise until he could only hold the position for about five seconds, his leg shaking the entire time.

"That's enough," I told him, and added, "Good work," as an afterthought.

He didn't acknowledge me as I replaced his splint, and he didn't meet my eyes as he held out his hand for me to help him sit up. My heart fluttered in a strange mix of compassion and excitement as I gripped his warm, soft hand, watching silently as he squeezed his eyes shut and grunted against the pain in his ribs as he sat up. I pressed my lips in a thin line as my anger died away, but I put on a neutral expression before he looked over at me.

"Thanks," he mumbled, keeping his chin down to his chest as I helped him back into the wheelchair.

I said nothing back as I turned and walked away from him, but whispered, "You're welcome" under my breath as I heard Jake enter the clinic.

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**John**

"Hey, just because something bad happened to you doesn't give you the right to be a _jackass_ to everyone around you! Now, I can't _make_ you do anything, but you _will_ treat me with respect, or I'll report you for harassment and have my dad throw your ass in jail!"

I was taken aback by her words, instantly snapping out of the funk I'd fallen into after the discovery of yet another hole in my memory. I honestly had _no_ recollection of seeing her before this morning, and it scared the shit out of me. As if it wasn't bad enough that I couldn't remember anything before three weeks ago, I couldn't even trust my damaged mind to hold onto everything that had happened since then. It made talking to anyone a difficult and prickly affair, and whoever helped me to discover I had forgotten something tended to get the brunt of my wrath. And this particular morning, it was this poor girl who truly seemed interested in helping me, although her smug and self-righteous comment that everything would be "all right" had infuriated me. What the hell did she know about it? I was so fucking far from all right that I would need a Learjet to get there…

Still, I wanted to apologize, to say something nice to her, but I couldn't get past my own embarrassment and apathy to do it. So I just did whatever she asked, and swallowed my pride and thanked her for helping me. What was the point in arguing with her? Hell, I probably wouldn't remember doing it anyway…

And now I would have to meet with Dr. Weber and tell her I'd lost another goddamned day. I pinched the bridge of my nose with my fingers, wishing that there was _something_ I could hold onto.

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At three in the afternoon, Dr. Weber knocked on my door before walking right in, just like the nurses did. I'd taken a nap after my disastrous PT session, but if possible, I was in an even worse mood than before I'd slept. How did I lose another day from my memory? Christ, I could remember almost nothing at this point as it was! Why did I keep losing the little time I had that I should be able to remember?

Dr. Weber walked over to me, her usual cheerful smile on her face. "How are you today, John?" she asked as she sat down in the chair at my bedside.

_Might as well get right to the point…_ "I figured out this morning that I lost another day from my memory. I can't remember anything that happened on Monday."

"I see," Dr. Weber said kindly. "And how did you figure that out?"

"Well, apparently I had PT with someone new on Monday, and when I saw her today, I had no idea who she was," I said irritably.

"Oh, that must be Bella," said Dr. Weber, and I glared at her, wondering why that mattered.

"John," she continued, "you know that this will likely happen from time to time. It's perfectly normal. It just means that you still have some healing to do."

"But it's been a fucking month already. I can't remember anything from before this hospital, and I can't seem to keep a hold of what's happening even now!" I was nearly shouting by the time I got to the end of my statement, anger and frustration again driving me to bitterness.

I ran my hand through my hair, blowing out my breath in frustration. "How the hell am I supposed to deal with this?"

Dr. Weber put her hand over mine, but her touch did nothing to calm me. "You just have to have patience and give it time. Have you been practicing those relaxation exercises I taught you?"

I eyed her skeptically. Going to your happy place was damn near impossible when you didn't really know where it was, and most places I thought of reminded me rather painfully of my memory loss and didn't make me happy at all.

My preferred method of dealing with it was to crash myself against the dark void in my head, reasoning that I'd have to break through eventually. Unfortunately, my mind had other ideas about that, and I was still getting migraines every time I tried.

Dr. Weber looked at me thoughtfully. "You know, the staff is still complaining that you're not very nice to them."

I glared at her, but we both knew that my anger wasn't really directed at them. I couldn't fight the enemy in my head, so I lashed out at everyone else. I knew it, and I didn't really mean to do it, but somehow, in the moment, I just couldn't help myself. I'm sure she'd be even less happy if I told her how Bella had threatened to have me arrested.

"I'll…try to be nicer..." I grumbled.

I could feel the smile in her voice as she answered, "Thank you, John."

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**Bella**

I worked in the hospital clinic on Friday, but John didn't show. I volunteered to call Alice on the floor when Jake didn't bring him, and Alice said that he had a migraine and was in no shape to come to PT. I hung up the phone with a strange twinge in my gut and went to help Jasper with Harry.

I couldn't help but think of John as I made my way through the weekend. I wondered what he did, particularly on the weekends, and if he was lonely. Did anyone come and talk to him? My anger at him was completely gone, but still, I couldn't get him out of my head.

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Monday morning found me back in the clinic to start my second week. Rose was working with Mrs. Atkins, who was recovering from a stroke, Jasper had drawn the short straw this morning so he was working with John, and I was working with Edward Evans, a five-year-old boy with spina bifida who was trying to master using a child's walker. He had been working so hard for two weeks, and today, he was finally able to propel himself across the floor.

"Great job, Edward!" I cheered, and as I did, I noticed John's head snap up automatically. It didn't take a psychology degree to interpret that response. Without thinking, I stood up and took a tentative step toward him. "Could that be your name?" I blurted out, and as he glared at me, I immediately realized the mistake I had made. I closed my eyes and braced myself for the blistering response.

"What the fu—" he started to thunder, but he stopped, his brow wrinkling in sudden confusion. "I don't…know…" he mumbled, almost as if to himself. He raised his hand to his forehead, absently rubbing it as he struggled to remember.

My heart twisted with pity, but I couldn't let him see that.

I quietly sat back down in front of little Edward and gave him a reassuring smile as I said, "Let's try one more time."

John was relatively quiet for the rest of the session while Jasper worked with him, and he cast me a furtive glance as one of the orderlies wheeled him back to the ward.

When we finished at nine thirty, Jasper came walking up behind me. "Wow, I thought you were going to lose your head again today…or he was, depending on how he reacted to what you said," he said with a smirk.

"You know, I do think Edward might be his real name. He really looked like he thought that I'd called him," I replied thoughtfully.

"Well, let's hope so," answered Jasper. "The guy could sure use a break."

* * *

A/N: Poor Edward—life really sucks when you can't remember who you are. But it has to get better, right? :)

Squishy hugs to my team: OcSickGirl, Beffers87, drotuno, JenRar, and JulesLovestoread!

And to the guest reviewer who asked a question about chapter 1: it would be easier to answer you if you logged in—that way I could just reply to you. :)

The question was: At one point Angela tells Edward he's been in hospital nearly two weeks then he says a couple of paragraphs down, he's been for three weeks. Which is it?

Answer: At the point that she tells him two weeks, it's been two weeks. The spot you are referring to several paragraphs down is after some more time has passed, which I indicated by a section break. At that time, it has been three weeks.


	4. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

**John**

Was Edward my name? Nothing had jogged my memory when Bella had said it, but I'd raised my head, as if I was looking around to see who was calling me. It was the first time I had done that. Was it possible that I'd stumbled upon my real name by accident?

It had been a rough few days for me. I'd had a severe migraine that started on Friday and lasted until Saturday night, and I'd slept most of Sunday trying to recover. I had been pissed on Friday morning about my lack of progress with my memory and had taken a good run at the blackness in my head. I had paid dearly for it, so didn't think I would try again anytime soon.

So by the time I got to PT on Monday morning, I was like a loaded gun. It was good that I had Jasper this morning, because I'm sure that Bella and I would have gotten into it. Jasper seemed to sense my mood and was very gentle with me, but Bella's outburst had been enough to set me off…until I realized that she might very well be right…

I told Angela about it in our afternoon session that day, and she was very excited.

"Do you think it could be your name?" she asked me in typical therapist fashion.

"Well, it feels…right," I replied.

"It's possible it could just be a name you know well, like your father's or brother's, but based on what you've said, I do believe it's your name. It's closer than John, at any rate. See?" She grinned at me. "Progress! I told you that if you were patient and didn't try so hard, things would start to come naturally."

I tried to glare at her but somehow it turned into a smirk. For the first time since I'd awoken in this hospital, I was pleased with myself.

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I found myself eager to meet with Bella again, despite what a dick I'd been to her during our last session together. I felt a kind of…connection with her since she was the one that had suggested that Edward might be my name. That was the only true accomplishment I had right now.

I knew she was probably still pissed at me from last week, so I was cautious when I showed up for Wednesday morning's session. I looked at her with a neutral expression—not glaring, but not smiling either. I had to gauge her mood before I could decide how to talk to her.

As she approached, she smiled at me and said, "Good morning, John."

"Actually, my name is Edward," I replied, unable to hide my grin.

"You remembered?" she asked excitedly.

"No, not exactly. I just _know_," I told her with great satisfaction.

"Well, that's fantastic!" she enthused, apparently willing to let go of any resentment she had toward me. "Edward it is, then!"

I glanced up at her, and a strange thrill ran through me as she said my true name. Now I was sure that I really _was_ Edward.

She starting chattering about this and that while she moved me through the usual range of motion stuff, and I found that it was surprisingly easy to talk to her. She didn't really ask me any awkward questions, or make me feel as if I had to be "on" for her, and to my surprise, I found that I was curious about her. As she helped me sit up so we could move on to the strengthening exercises, she got quiet suddenly.

"Have…you made any progress?" she asked quietly. I knew that we were no longer talking about the weather, or about my therapy.

I drew in a heavy breath and released it. For some reason, I felt the need to be honest with her. "No, not really. Other than just figuring out what my first name is, I really know nothing else about myself."

"Do you have any theories?" she inquired, emboldened by the fact that I'd actually answered her and not taken her head off.

"Well, the police provided me with a few," I told her in a more business-like tone. "They said I obviously wasn't camping or hiking nearby, the way I was dressed, and they checked with everyone they could track down that was staying in the Park at the time, just to make sure. They think I was driven there from out of the area for some reason. The injuries I had were…inflicted by someone," I continued uncomfortably. "The bruises on my legs and chest suggest that some kind of pipe was used…and the investigator thinks that my head wound was from being…pistol-whipped."

I heard her rapid intake of breath and closed my eyes so I couldn't see the look on her face. I hadn't shared this with anyone since the police had told me. It had been hard enough to take myself. I didn't think I could handle what I would see in her eyes.

"I hope they catch those awful people who did that to you," she said heatedly, and my eyes flew open as I realized that she'd come to a completely different conclusion than I had when the police had informed me. I'd immediately thought that I must have been involved in something shady and had been brought there to be killed, but Bella assumed that I'd been…kidnapped or something. That I was the good guy, and not one of the bad ones.

"Yeah, me too," I whispered, not wanting to enlighten her on the darker possibilities.

She hesitated, but I could tell that she had at least one more deep question that was bothering her. "And no one has reported you missing, as far as the police can tell?"

This one was the hardest of all, the conundrum that kept me awake at night. "No," I whispered, swallowing past the lump in my throat as I looked away.

"I'm sorry," she said, and though my normal response at a hint of pity from anyone was to bite their head off soundly, somehow it felt…different from her.

I remained silent, again trying to bounce my conscious mind into the darkness, but it was no use. I raised my hand to rub my forehead, trying to stave off the headache that inevitably came every time I tried to do this and I jumped as she touched my arm.

"Edward?"

She'd been touching me for days now, but when she placed her hand on my arm, moving her fingers softly over the hair like that, it was like an electric shock. My skin tingled with heat where she'd made contact, and our eyes locked for a moment. She dropped her gaze first, almost shyly, and looked away. What the _hell_?

"I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable," she said, regret clear in her tone.

"It's fine," I quickly reassured her, although I was completely _not _fine. "I guess I'm just not ready to remember. Every time I really concentrate on trying, I get a splitting headache, or worse, a migraine."

"Then don't try…at least not yet," she added, seeing my surprised expression. "Things happen for a reason. You'll figure it all out again when it's the right time."

"I wish I could believe that," I whispered sadly, looking down at the floor.

"Hey," she said, raising my chin with her soft fingers so that our eyes met. "Chin up, Edward. You're still alive, and that means there's always hope."

I stared at her, struck dumb by her unwaveringly positive outlook. It was intense… and infectious. I grinned a little, despite the dark thoughts swirling in my head.

"All finished?"

We both jumped and Bella dropped her hand from my chin as Jake walked up beside us. We had stopped working when we started chatting and had completely missed the last fifteen minutes of the session.

"Oh!" Bella squeaked, clearly flustered over what had happened, a blush spreading over her cheeks and chest. "We'll have to continue this next time," she said to me, by way of apology.

"Sure," I replied easily, and for the first time since I'd started coming here, I left the PT clinic with a smile on my face.

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**Bella **

How had I let half the session slip by just chatting with him? I'd _never_ had that happen before, and I was angry with myself for it. But I'd been literally spellbound as I watched him drop his guard and tell me what had happened to him. The fear and confusion in his eyes as he'd told me about his injuries and the sorrow there when he admitted that no one had looked for him had melted my heart. He really _wasn't _an asshole; he was just someone who had gone through something terrible and was coping the best he could.

I couldn't imagine how he must be feeling. He literally had no one, and the fact that no one was looking for him made me wonder what sort of life he'd had before this. I was angry at the people who had done this to him, and I was convinced that he'd been an innocent victim. I knew how it looked—I was the daughter of a cop, and he had just told me that he'd been beaten, hit with a gun, and left to die—but I just couldn't believe that he was one of the bad guys here. Something in my gut told me that he was innocent of any wrongdoing, and no one was going to convince me otherwise. Not even him.

I knew that was what he thought, though. It had been written all over his face when he looked away after he told me about the pistol-whipping. He had been waiting for me to judge him the way he'd already judged himself, and he'd been surprised when I hadn't. I hoped my words had made some sort of dent, since it seemed he'd already condemned himself.

When I arrived on Friday morning, Edward was waiting for me. Jasper raised an eyebrow at me as he passed me on his way to work with Harry. I shook my head. Was it really that obvious Edward and I had made some sort of connection? I hoped not. Hopefully he was just intrigued that I could work with him without getting my head bitten off.

Edward looked…different today. Happier. He sat up straighter as I approached him and then flashed me a crooked grin that almost felled me on the spot. I paused mid-stride, but forced myself to keep going, lest he discern my reaction to his smile. He grinned a little wider, but didn't say anything.

We had a good session. He was more cooperative than he'd ever been, and he asked me questions: about my family, my friends, things I liked to do. I guess it was the natural thing to do, since he couldn't really tell me much about himself. So I chatted away at him, telling him about living in Forks, how my mother had died when I was five, so it had just been Dad, Emmett, and me growing up, and how Emmett had gone from my tormentor to my protector as we'd grown. I also told him about my friendship with Alice and Jasper. That one made him pause.

"_You _know Alice, the one who works as a nurse over on the main ward?" he asked nervously.

"Yes, I've known her since we were babies. If I had to name a best friend, she would be it," I replied.

"I'm sure she'd have nothing good to say about me," he said, casting his eyes downward.

"Actually, she did mention that you're a pain in the ass, but that she knows how to handle you," I told him, a wicked grin spreading across my face.

His eyes snapped up, and he dry-washed his face with his hand. The blush that crept up his neck to his cheeks was just about the most adorable thing I'd ever seen.

I laughed, and to my great surprise, he did as well—a warm, rich sound that sent chills down my spine and caused warmth to gather in the pit of my stomach.

It had been a good day.

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On Saturday afternoon, I headed over to my dad's place, to make dinner for him and my brother Emmett. I still wondered how and what they ate during the week—two men with seemingly little cooking skills sharing a house. I had offered to cook for them, and even to move back in when I came back from school in Seattle, but my dad insisted that it was time I had my own life and my own place. Secretly, I thought part of the reason might be that it was easier for Emmett to not have two of us hovering over him.

Emmett was huge. A towering six foot five, with arms thicker than my thighs, he had been the star of the football team in high school and had had a promising future as a college player, until things went downhill for him. His friends found him cowering in a ditch off campus one weekend during his sophomore year, and he was diagnosed with schizophrenia. He was still hoping to go back to college, but for now, he was living with my dad and trying to hold down a job.

As I walked into the house, Emmett wrapped me in a big bear hug. "Hey, Bells!"

"Hey Em. How are you?"

"I'm…all right," he replied, his eyes downcast.

"What is it, Em?" I asked, suddenly concerned.

"Well, I lost my job on Friday. These new meds I'm on make me think slower, and I can't really keep up."

I shook my head, furious that he was having to start over again. This was the third time.

"Oh, Em, I'm sure you'll find another one. It doesn't matter," I told him, wrapping my arms around him again.

"I hope so, because I hate to not be able to pitch in for Dad; it makes me feel useless," he said, looking embarrassed.

"You know he doesn't care about that, and he loves you no matter what, because we're family. We look out for each other," I reassured him, and as I said the words, my thoughts again drifted back to Edward. Who did he have to look out for him? The thought made me sad, and I even felt a little guilty as my dad swept me into a hug as I entered the kitchen. No one should have to be alone.

We chatted as I chopped up vegetables for a salad to go with the spaghetti I was making.

"So, what interesting crime have you been solving in the town of Forks this week?" I teased, poking my dad lightly in the ribs.

"Oh, you know, nothing new. The most interesting thing in the last month is still that missing persons case—or _found _person, in this instance."

I held my breath as I realized he was talking about Edward. "Have there been any developments?" I asked, trying to sound casual.

"No, actually. It's as if he dropped into that forest out of the sky. He has no idea how he got there, and no one is looking for him. The circumstances were pretty suspicious, though. He was in a heap of trouble for some reason."

"But he doesn't remember any of that," I blurted out. My dad raised an eyebrow at me.

"And what exactly do you know about it?" he inquired.

Augh. This was not a conversation I wanted to have with him, but now that I'd opened my big mouth, I had no choice.

"He's one of my patients at the hospital, and he's pretty sure his first name is Edward," I replied evenly, keeping my face expressionless.

"Well, you should steer clear of him as much as possible," my dad said, still eyeing me skeptically. "That boy's gonna be trouble yet, you just wait and see."

His words made me angry, but there was no point in arguing with him. Edward was a patient and it was my job to help him. I thought again about Edward's crooked smile and alluring green eyes.

My father had no idea.

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When I woke up on Sunday, I realized that I really didn't have much to do that day and again my thoughts turned to Edward, all alone at the hospital. I decided that I'd drop by in the afternoon and pay him a visit.

As I walked on to the ward that afternoon, Alice smiled at me from the nurse's station, clearly surprised to see me. "Hey, girl, what brings you here?" she asked, beaming at me brightly.

_Oh, she's going to see right through this… _

"Um, I actually came to see Edward," I replied, grimacing as I watched her jaw drop.

"Now, it's not what you think," I reassured her. "We've just been getting along well this last week, and I'm sure he doesn't get many visitors."

"You're right, he doesn't," she agreed, but her eyes narrowed as she sized me up. "We need to talk," she said seriously. "Jasper has been holding out on me."

I just shrugged my shoulders. "Can I go in now?" I asked in exasperation.

"Of course," she replied, grinning at me once again.

I knocked on the door and waited, but when I didn't hear anything for a full minute, I decided to slowly push the door open to peek inside. If he was sleeping, I'd just leave and see him tomorrow.

As I peeked my head around the door, I saw that he was sitting in the recliner beside the bed, watching TV. He was dressed in gray sweat pants and a navy t-shirt, one pant leg pulled up above his knee to accommodate the ice bag that was resting there. The look of surprise on his face when I walked in was priceless. It morphed into a smile that warmed me from head to toe, but particularly somewhere in between.

"Bella?"

"Hi, Edward. I was just in the neighborhood and thought that I'd drop by," I began nervously.

His grin deepened. "I'm so very glad you did," he said, and my breath caught in my throat.

Flustered, I glanced around the room, noting the lack of flowers, cards, the usual things that you'd see when you visit someone at the hospital. In fact, there was nothing in the room to indicate that it was occupied, other than the rumpled state of the sheets on the bed. I bit my lip, trying to contain the wave of emotion that washed over me.

"What is it?" he asked, frowning.

"Nothing," I replied, closing the door behind me. "What are you up to today?"

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**Edward **

"You're looking at it," I replied, spreading my arms grandly. "There's not too much I can really do, since I'm not exactly mobile on my own yet," I told her.

"Have you been outside at all?"

"No," I replied, thinking how nice it would be to just feel the sun and the breeze on my skin. It had been weeks since I'd been outside.

I looked up at her, and for a moment, I caught the furrow of her brow and the pucker of her lips, but she quickly relaxed her face into a smile.

"Would you like to?"

"Go outside?" I asked, and she nodded.

"Absolutely," I replied without hesitation.

"I'll go get a chair and tell Alice we're leaving," she beamed, turning on her heel.

She didn't know it, but her just walking through the door had made my day. A walk outside was an unexpected bonus. Or maybe she did know… She looked beautiful today; her hair was down, flowing over her shoulders in rolling waves, and she was wearing tight jeans and a royal blue blouse that was cut to accentuate her breasts and slim waist. Quite a departure from the ponytail and scrubs that I usually saw her in. I could feel myself getting hard at the thought of that blouse—and what was under it—and for a moment, I was shocked at my reaction. It had been…well, Christ, I didn't know how long it had been, but I did know that between the drama in my head and all the meds I'd been on, nothing had made me aroused since I'd been here. Not like this, anyway…

"Are you all right?" Bella asked, touching my arm lightly.

I jumped, and I could feel my cheeks and neck heat with embarrassment. Thank God for baggy sweatpants.

"I'm fine," I replied quickly. "Just lost in my thoughts." _…and the cut of your blouse…_

She helped me put my splint back on, and between the two of us, we managed to get me into the wheelchair. My ribs seemed to be healing nicely—they no longer hurt when I breathed normally, or when I was just sitting still. Things like moving from chair to chair were still quite painful, though, and the complication of having to use my arms to compensate for my splinted leg didn't help any.

But finally, we were on our way down the hall toward the elevators.

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**Bella**

We rode down in silence, but I could tell that Edward was eager to leave these four walls behind. His good knee bobbed up and down in what I could only guess was anticipation as we neared the front doors of the hospital.

And then we were outside, and he closed his eyes immediately, taking a deep breath. "God I've missed this," he said, almost to himself.

I was still annoyed that no one on the ward had bothered to bring him outside like this; I would have expected that at least Alice would have thought to do it.

He sat there with his eyes closed for a few minutes, as an unseasonably warm May breeze ruffled the hair on his arms. He was gorgeous, sitting there like that, and I couldn't help but stare, open-mouthed, as he leaned his head back and basked in the beauty of the day.

Suddenly, his eyes opened. "Is a little sun too much to ask for?"

I snorted. "You know you're in Forks, right?"

He raised his head and looked at me curiously.

"It's almost never sunny here. We have cloud cover about seventy-five percent of the time."

"Oh…" he said thoughtfully. "Then I guess I wasn't missing much."

I laughed and he grinned up at me.

"At least the wildlife is pretty," he observed, his eyes following a little bright red bird as it hopped down the sidewalk. "So what have you been doing this weekend?" he asked, continuing his twenty questions routine from last week.

"Oh, I went to see my dad and my brother yesterday…"

The peculiar look on Edward's face made me pause.

"What?"

"You never told me you had a brother," he said, and my heart sank.

I took a deep breath. "Yes, I did, on Friday…"

"Dammit to hell!" he swore, pounding his fist on the arm of the chair and then raking his fingers through his hair.

"Do you remember me telling you about me being friends with Alice and Jasper?" I asked, hoping against hope that he at least remembered some of that day.

"I remember that, just not anything about your brother," he replied, closing his eyes tightly and turning his face away.

"Well, I'll just have to tell you again. Hey, it's not that bad," I said, trying to salvage the situation. "You didn't lose a whole day, just a few stories that I told you."

Suddenly, he looked at me, and I was taken aback by the raw emotion in his deep green eyes.

"Do you have any idea what it's like not to be able to trust your own mind?" he asked, giving me a true glimpse of what he was going through.

My thoughts flew to Emmett immediately and I bit my lip. "No," I replied quietly, "and I never want to."

His hand found the back of his neck just below the still-healing wound there and he rubbed vigorously until he winced in pain. "No, you don't," he said.

"It's going to get better," I promised him. "It is."

He sighed in frustration. "I just wish I knew when. Nothing seems to change around here."

I chewed on my lip, wishing I had something to say that would comfort him.

We sat in silence as twilight fell and Edward slowly relaxed again, enjoying the fresh air and the change in scenery. I watched him out of the corner of my eye. It was such a relief to see him almost…happy.

Around five thirty, it occurred to me that if I didn't take him back, he'd miss his dinner, so we reluctantly went back up to his room.

I helped him settle back onto his bed, and as I started to back away, he captured my hand in his. The touch made me jump, and my heart beat faster as he raised his eyes to me. "Thank you, Bella, for coming. I had a good time."

I blushed and flashed him a smile. "I did too."

As I left the hospital, I thought about how much my perception of Edward had changed in the two weeks I'd known him. From complete jackass to someone I thought of as a friend in such a short time. I was so pleased that I seemed to be right about him—he was just someone who bad things had happened to.

My cell phone rang as I was driving home, and I answered it without even looking at the caller ID. "Alice, it wasn't a date," I said, hoping to cut her off before she really got going.

"But it _could_ have been," she said excitedly.

"It was nothing. I just stopped by to see how he was doing," I defended myself.

"Tell me you're not attracted to him," she dared me.

I didn't even have to pause for that one. "I can't."

"Well, good, because he sure as hell is attracted to you!" she gushed.

"Bullshit! What could possibly make you think that?"

"Oh puh-lease," she drawled, and I could see her rolling her eyes. "He's completely different with you than he is with everyone else! I've been taking care of him for six weeks now. He didn't smile at me _once_ until after you showed up. And the way he looks at you…oh honey, he's got it bad!"

That couldn't be true…could it? I knew he liked spending time with me and we had flirted a little, but I never thought that he might have meant anything by it.

"No, he doesn't feel that way about me," I said, trying to convince both of us.

"Are you _blind_? It seems like it's obvious to everyone but you…and maybe him," she added thoughtfully.

"Well, it doesn't matter anyway," I told her. "He's going to get his memory back, and then he'll go back to his old life, so there's no point in worrying whether he's attracted to me or not."

"Bella,"—and in my mind I could see her shaking her head—"what if it takes years for him to get his memory back, or never? Maybe the reason he ended up here was you."

"Don't be ridiculous, Alice," I admonished her, but she'd given me some things to think about.

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**Edward**

I smiled as Bella walked out of the room. I'd actually been…happy today. She was like a ray of sunshine in my drab and desperate existence—a welcome distraction from all the confusion in my head. I liked being with her. She took me out of myself and forced me to think about something besides my awful situation, for the time I was with her. And she was so damn positive; she saw the bright side of everything, and she thought that everything happened for a reason. That must be a comforting belief. I didn't believe it—sometimes bad things just happen for no reason. What good could possibly come out of what had happened to me? But I didn't want to think about that at the moment. It had been a good day, and I wanted to feel…normal for a little while.

My mind wandered back to Bella and to that incredible electric blue blouse she'd been wearing. _Oh my_, I thought as my eyes again roved over the subtle curves of her breasts and the smooth skin between them that had been revealed by the open buttons on that blouse…and suddenly, I was hard as a rock again. Over Bella. This was _wrong_. She was beautiful—gawd, she was gorgeous, especially when she wasn't in scrubs… _Snap out of it, Edward!_ —but she was my therapist, and maybe even my friend. There was no way that she looked at me as anything more than that. What did I have to offer her? I was a man in pieces, both mentally and physically. I couldn't keep myself together, much less think about being with someone else…and when I remembered who I was, I knew I'd be leaving this place to go back to my life. She deserved better than that, and… How had I started thinking about this anyway? My good mood had somehow evaporated.

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A/N: So Edward is finally softening up a bit, and we got to meet Charlie and Emmett! Aren't they sweet? And the attraction between Bella and Edward is heating up—do you think things happen for a reason and that she's why Edward is here? We'll see!

I hope you enjoyed this chapter—it was one of my very favorites to write!

Love to my girls: OcSickGirl, Beffers87, drotuno, JenRar, and JulesLovestoread!


	5. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

**Bella**

Edward was waiting for me, as usual, on Monday morning, but his good mood from the previous night was nowhere to be seen. He was quiet through the whole first half of his therapy, speaking only when spoken to, his mind obviously on something. I needed to do something to cheer him up.

"You know, Dr. Gerandy put a note in your chart that you can try out some crutches as soon as I think you're ready. He thinks your ribs have healed enough to use them, if it doesn't hurt too much."

His eyes lit up at my words. "Really?" he asked excitedly.

I couldn't help but smile at his enthusiasm.

"I don't know… I'm not sure if you're ready," I teased, fully intending to let him try.

He took me seriously. "Please, Bella," he begged me, pinning me with his eyes and using his best persuasive whine.

The words sent a shiver down my spine as I imagined him saying them in a completely different context—aching with need and lust.

"Hey," he said, touching my arm, and I jumped three feet in the air, blushing to the roots of my hair.

"Yes, of course you can try," I replied, flustered. I got up quickly and went to the supply closet, fetching the pair of crutches I'd put there this morning for him.

He made to stand up as I approached, but his face scrunched in pain as his ribs protested, and his lips made a thin line as he struggled to contain his frustration.

"Hey, I didn't say you could stand up by yourself, I said that you could try to use crutches once you were standing," I said wryly.

He smirked at me despite himself and raised his hands so I could help him up. As soon as he was on his feet, I saw him coming forward, and I put my shoulder under his arm to hold him in place. He turned his head toward me, and his lips were inches from mine, close enough that I could feel the warmth of his breath. I felt a surge of heat between my legs, and our eyes locked for a moment before I stepped away from him. I breathed in deeply, trying to clear my head, and extended the crutches toward him.

He took them, his expression unreadable, and positioned them under his arms. I nodded to him encouragingly, and as he took a few steps forward, gently putting some weight on his splinted leg, I was disappointed to hear the harsh intake of breath.

"Your ribs, or your knee?" I asked with resignation.

"Both," he replied tightly, "but please don't take them from me. It's been weeks since I could do anything for myself."

I looked into his pleading eyes, seeing what he chose to lay bare there. "Okay, but I'm going to tell the nurses that you can only use them to get around your room until I give the okay. Deal?"

"Deal," he said gratefully, turning around to come back to the wheelchair beside me. Now he was smiling, and I felt like I'd done my good deed for the day. But I wanted more. I hadn't had my fill of that smile yet today.

"Hey," I said casually. "I usually eat my lunch outside when the weather is nice. Do you want me to come up and get you, and we can go outside again?"

He looked a little surprised, but then the smile I'd been hoping for spread across his face. "Yes, I'd like that," he replied.

We spent my lunchtime on a bench outside—he insisted that I help him out of the chair so he could sit on the bench beside me, even though I'm sure his bare feet were cold on the sidewalk. Outside the hospital, it was like he was a different person—he was more animated, and he seemed to forget about the bad things for a little while. It was amazing to watch.

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Edward didn't show again for PT on Wednesday. I called Alice, but she said that he wasn't in her unit anymore—since he'd become a bit more mobile, they'd transferred him down to the psych ward, since his memory problems were the real reason he was still here. The grouchy nurse down in psych told me that he was "too sick for PT today," and I wondered what the hell that meant. I could already tell I was going to miss having Alice to tell me how things were going for Edward.

On Friday morning, he was late, and I was just about to call down to the ward when he came through the doors on his crutches. He was wearing sweats and a black t-shirt today, his hair as wild as ever and his face a bit flushed from the exertion it took him to get here. And right away, my mind started wondering if that's how he looked right after he… _dammit_, I had a job to do here! I closed my eyes in exasperation and reminded myself that I needed to give him hell for using those crutches outside of his room without my clearance. To his credit, he didn't seem to be in too much pain, but I was still surprised that the nurses down there had let him get away with it.

"Aren't you supposed to be arriving here by wheelchair and orderly?" I asked sternly, crossing my arms as I walked up to him.

He had the good grace to drop his chin and look embarrassed for a moment, but I could see that he was grinning. "Well, that assumes that I was willing to _wait_ for the wheelchair and orderly," he replied, smirking now and meeting my eyes, daring me to yell at him.

I couldn't help but grin. "Next time, at least wait for someone to walk up with you, okay? You're still on enough pain meds that you shouldn't be walking around by yourself in case you fall."

"Yes, ma'am," he said cockily, as he sat himself down on the treatment table.

I chuckled. The smugness was just rolling off of him, he was so pleased to be able to get around by himself. And for a moment, I caught a glimpse of the man he was when he was whole—brash and confident, filled with life. I hoped that one day, I'd know that man.

He became more subdued as I removed his splint and we started our routine, but I kept the flow of conversation constant enough to distract him from his own thoughts. It was the least I could do—Edward had too much time to think.

"We missed you on Wednesday," I prompted him.

"Another migraine." He shrugged. "I was in no shape to come up here. Dr. Weber says stress probably brings them on."

"You were moved down to psych the day before, right?" I asked, guessing what might have caused his headache.

He paused for a moment, thinking. "Yeah, that could have been it. But I like being down there better. The room is more like a dorm than a hospital."

"I can certainly see how that would be better," I told him.

"So what are you doing this weekend?" he asked casually, and I looked at him out of the corner of my eye. His expression was all innocence, but I knew why he was asking.

"Oh, nothing much… There's this guy I know that I might go hang out with," I replied, baiting him.

His face fell. "Oh, that sounds nice," he said warily, glancing downward.

I almost laughed out loud—he was _jealous_!

"It's you, you ass! Do you want me to come and visit you this weekend?" I laughed, watching the surprise roll over his face and the heat color his cheeks as my words registered.

He laughed, but there was something else there too. A…hesitation. It made my stomach clench.

"Bella, you don't have to do that," he said seriously. "Keeping me entertained is not your responsibility."

I was a little hurt by his words. I had offered because I wanted to, not because I felt bad for him. I had thought that we were both having a good time together, but maybe I was wrong… No, I wasn't going to let him spook me like this.

"Edward, I asked because I wanted to. I had fun last weekend. But if you'd rather I didn't…"

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**Edward**

I wanted her to come more than I was willing to admit, even to myself. I found myself waiting for the time when I would see her, but I didn't want to take her away from her life. And I did wonder if she spent time with me out of pity. I couldn't help it. As far as I could see, I had nothing to offer anyone right now, even as a friend. It just made no sense for her to want to spend time with me.

I looked at her, her deep brown eyes filled with uncertainty, and I felt a strange desire to please her. So I went with it.

"I'd love for you to come, Bella."

She smiled, and I grinned back at her. Now I had something to look forward to for the weekend.

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Bella came by on Saturday afternoon, and I got to show off my new room. I was down on the second floor now, and although it still had a hospital-style bed for comfort, there was no other machinery in the room to indicate that you were in a hospital. I was pleased because it seemed like I was finally making a little progress. And I was so fucking happy to be out of that wheelchair! Using the crutches was painful, without a doubt, but being able to go places for myself had done wonders to improve my mood. I was starting to feel like a human being again.

When Bella walked in, I was sitting up on my bed reading. A hospital volunteer had been by with a cart of books yesterday, so I'd decided that if I couldn't figure out my own life, I might as well read about someone else's.

She was wearing jeans again, with a sea green, V-neck t-shirt. My eyes went right to that V, and I had to remind myself to make eye contact first. I was wearing jeans today too, and I realized the error of my ways as they became a little tighter. It was like I was a damn teenager all over again.

She smiled at me and then grinned even wider as she saw the book that was in my hand.

"_The Bourne Identity_, really?" she asked, laughing.

"It seemed appropriate—maybe Jason has some pointers in here for what to do when this happens to you," I deadpanned.

She was still chuckling as she took the book from my hand. "You're certainly in a good mood today."

"Good enough," I replied. "Wanna go outside?"

This time, I walked—well, hobbled—down with her, and instead of sitting on a bench, we went and sat on the grass under one of the big alder trees in front of the hospital. It was wonderful to feel the grass beneath my fingers. I sat, my legs stretched out in front of me and my hands splayed behind, my head thrown back to feel the warmth of the all-too-rare sunshine on my face. It was…peaceful.

After a few moments, I looked over to find Bella staring at me, and she blushed and looked away when I caught her.

"What?" I inquired.

"You just look so…happy," she replied, and warmth flooded my chest and groin. I _was_ happy, today. I knew it was a bubble, and that there were still so many things that were wrong, but for today, I'd take it.

"I'm just glad to be doing some things that seem normal again, you know? Life in the hospital is so…artificial."

"I'm sure it is, if you're here long enough," she agreed.

"Speaking of normal, the hospital is thinking that it's time I join the rest of society and have a last name. In fact, they won't let me leave here without one."

"Oh?" she said, sounding curious.

"Yeah, I obviously have no idea what mine actually is, so I'm going to have to pick one," I explained.

"Any ideas?"

"None whatsoever. I was wondering if you had any suggestions," I asked casually. I really had no idea what to choose. Who chooses their own last name?

"Well, since you have the choice, maybe you should choose a name that means something to you," she said thoughtfully.

Hmm…not much of anything meant something to me at this point. I just had too few memories. Just then, a small bird with brilliant red plumage landed in the grass in front of me, and I knew I'd seen it before. The first time Bella had brought me outside, the same kind of bird had landed on the sidewalk, and I'd watched it look for seeds. I had been happy then, just as I was now.

"Bella, do you know what kind of bird that is?" I inquired, looking over at her.

"It's a purple finch," she responded quickly, and I gave her an incredulous stare.

"We learned to identify common birds in Girl Scouts," she explained with a shrug. "Those are all over the place around here."

"What would you think of Finch as a last name?" I asked. "I don't have a lot that means anything to me right now, but I've seen that bird every time we've been out here, and being outside makes me happy." Nevermind that my mind inserted the words "with you" somewhere in that sentence…

"Hmm…I like it," she said. "Edward Finch. It has a nice ring to it."

I grinned at her. Now I could file that paperwork that Dr. Weber had been pestering me about and get new identification. If solving my other problems could just be this easy…

We chatted the afternoon away, and when dinner time came, I was sad to have to go back to my room and to let her go. Today, it had been easy to pretend things were different and that I was free to be with the beautiful woman who had been beside me. A part of me wished that I could do just that and forget about everything else.

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**Bella **

I spent a quiet Sunday doing laundry and reading, and Monday morning found me waiting for Edward in the PT clinic.

"Alice said that they're going to street Edward by the end of the week," Jasper said, glancing up from the chart he was making notes in.

"Already?" I asked, surprised.

"Well, he's been streetable from a medical perspective for a few weeks now. Only the psych hold was keeping him here. So Angela must have cleared him."

I became very still. "Where will he go?"

"I don't know. I guess it's up to him. Alice said there's a kind of halfway house in PA that he was given some information on, and he can go on assistance until he can get a job…"

"But he's not really ready to work yet," I argued. "He's barely healed from his injuries, he still needs therapy, and you know he's still having some short-term memory problems…"

"Don't preach it to me," answered Jasper. "He's gotten pretty agreeable since you got here, and I almost hate to see him go. But the state can't take care of him forever."

The more I thought about it, the idea of him going to some halfway house was just unbearable. I couldn't let it happen. I chewed on my lower lip, formulating a tentative plan. Edward would have to agree to it, of course, and that was the rub.

I glanced up as he came through the doors on his crutches, giving me his patented crooked smile as he went over to the treatment table where we usually worked.

He was dressed in jeans and an emerald green t-shirt, which matched the shade of his eyes precisely. I swallowed past the lump that rose in my throat, as the familiar twinge erupted in my lower abdomen. I grinned back at him and walked over to begin our usual routine.

As we were going through the range of motion exercises, I started out casually. "So, I heard a rumor that you'll be leaving us soon."

He glanced up at me in confusion, but it only took him two seconds to follow the news trail in reverse from me to Jasper to Alice. "Yes, on Wednesday, so this will be our next to last session."

"That's great," I said, but even I could hear the lack of enthusiasm in my voice. "What will you do then?"

He looked up at me, and the sadness and desperation were readable in his eyes for just a moment before he blinked and responded, "Well, I don't know where to go to look for my past, so I might as well stay here for now. The hospital has given me information about a halfway house over in Port Angeles, where I can stay until I can get a job, and I can continue my therapy at the clinic over there."

"Is that what you want to do?" I asked a little too quickly.

"Not really," he said, staring at the ceiling. "But it doesn't really matter what I want, now, does it?"

"It matters to me," I whispered, and he looked over at me in surprise.

_Well, here goes nothing…_ "Edward, why don't you come and stay with me? I could help you with your therapy, that way it wouldn't interfere with you getting a job, and you wouldn't be all alone in that…that place that's not really meant for someone like you." _Wow, that was eloquent…_

"Someone like me?" he asked, an edge in his voice.

"You're not a criminal," I stated baldly.

His brow furrowed as he looked at me, thinking hard for a moment, but then he shook his head slightly. "No, I couldn't do that, but thank you for the offer."

"Why not?" I pressed. "I promise I don't bite, I keep a neat apartment, and I'd give you your space."

He smiled at me indulgently. "Bella, it's not that. Right now I don't have any way to pay you for anything, and I don't want to be a sponge."

"You wouldn't be. I'm sure you'll get a job soon, and then you could pitch in and pay for your share."

"Bella, there are other reasons why this is not a good idea."

"Like?" I prompted, not willing to give him purchase to refuse.

The smile faded from his lips as he said quietly, "You know nothing about me, and neither do I. What if the mob left me in that forest to die? What if I _am_ a criminal? A murderer?"

"You're not. That's not you," I said confidently, crossing my arms in defiance.

"You don't know that."

"Yes, I do. That might have _been_ you, but that's not you now. And I don't care who you were before."

A host of emotions played across his face: shock and anger first, but then his eyes softened to tenderness and affection, and his lips pulled up in a small smile.

"I don't deserve your faith in me."

I opened my mouth to protest, but he cut me off, "Okay, leave that one out, but tell me why. Why would you want me to do this?"

I looked into his eyes long and hard before answering, but I told him the truth. "Because you deserve a chance. What happened to you is not your fault, and I don't want to see you suffer for it. I…too many people don't get the chances they need, and they end up lost and alone. I don't want that for you."

He stared at me for a long time. I would have given anything to read his mind. Then he gave me the biggest surprise.

"If you're sure…then I accept."

My heart rose into my throat, and I nodded slowly, a smile making its way to my face.

His green eyes pierced me for another moment, saying much more than the "thank you" that passed his lips.

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A/N: So Edward is finally making some progress, and he gets to leave the hospital soon! Do you agree with Bella's decision to ask him to come and stay with her? Do you think it will be a good thing for him? For them? We'll find out next week!

Thank you to the usual suspects for putting up with me: OcSickGirl, Beffers87, drotuno, JenRar, and JulesLovestoread


	6. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

**Edward**

Had I really just said yes to staying at Bella's place? What was I thinking? It was selfish in the extreme…maybe even dangerous. What good could possibly come to her from it? Maybe a little satisfaction that she'd helped out someone who was down on his luck? That hardly seemed like enough compensation for the pain in the ass I would surely be.

But for me, there was a list of benefits, not the least of which was that I wouldn't be living with a bunch of guys who'd just gotten out of prison. The halfway house in PA was specifically a prison halfway, but there wasn't anywhere else for me to go, so they were making an exception. With no money, no job, and not a lot of mobility yet, I had no idea how I was going to start over from there. Bella's offer was a godsend, from my perspective, at least. Now that my short-term memory seemed to be improving, I was starting to feel like I might be able to begin to get my life in order: get out of this bloody hospital, support myself so I was at least a little independent, and get to the business of figuring out who I was so I could get my life back again. There had to be a way to jog the memories I had, but I was trapped in this place and could do no more until I left here.

But the thing that really intrigued me was Bella's fervent desire to have me stay with her. She argued down every one of my excuses, both legitimate and illegitimate, and seemingly wouldn't take no for an answer. There was more to this than simple kindness, I was sure of that. You give someone your extra cookie at lunch to be kind. You don't invite them to come live with you.

And for some reason, I wanted to please her. Being able to do something that would make someone else happy was an experience I hadn't really had since coming to this place, and the sense of power that came with drawing a smile from her was intoxicating. I knew I shouldn't be doing this, but for the first time I could remember, I was really looking forward to something. I hoped I'd get the chance to please her again.

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**Bella**

I couldn't believe he'd said yes. I didn't think there was a chance that he would. I was elated and scared shitless at the same time. I knew he wasn't dangerous—I had no fears about him staying with me. What I did fear was having to tell my dad about this. There was no way around it. Because of the ongoing investigation surrounding Edward, the police—and therefore my dad—needed to know where he was. The coward in me wanted to let Edward handle it, or to leave it to chance, and when my dad found out, he found out. I debated it until Tuesday evening, but I knew I had to be the one to tell him.

I stopped by the house on my way home from work and found my dad and Emmett in the kitchen "cooking". Tonight, their idea of cooking consisted of Chinese takeout, which they readily offered to share with me.

As I helped myself to some lo mein, I glanced at my dad. "This isn't how you cook every night, is it?"

He and Emmett eyed each other, and my dad said quickly, "No, of course not! You just caught us on a busy night."

"Sure I did. I'm going to start bringing you guys some things for the freezer that you can just pull out and heat up, okay?" I told him, and he just grinned at me sheepishly.

"So, what brings you by?" he said, obviously eager to change the subject.

"Um, well, I came to tell you where Edward will be staying when he gets released from the hospital tomorrow."

"You didn't have to come by to tell me that, honey. I could have found out from the hospital," he said distractedly.

"No, I did need to tell you…because he's going to be staying with me," I finished, flinching in anticipation of his response. I wasn't disappointed.

"What!" he roared, dropping his fork and getting to his feet.

"You heard me. I said he's staying at my place," I said a little defiantly.

"He most certainly is _not_," my dad yelled, his face turning a shade of dark red.

I bristled. "Yes, he is. I'm not asking your permission, I'm just letting you know. I'm twenty-six years old, and I make my own decisions."

He sized me up for a moment, knowing I was right, but we both knew he wasn't just going to let it go.

"He's dangerous, Bella," he began, and I couldn't help but laugh.

"Dad, he's not dangerous. I've been getting to know him for a few weeks now, and there's no way he'd do anything to hurt me."

"Well, I'll admit he doesn't seem dangerous right now, but how the hell did he end up in that forest after someone beat the shit out of him? _He_ may not be dangerous, but you don't end up in that situation by being a good guy, and I'm _sure_ that the guys who did that to him are dangerous. Someday, they may come back to finish the job."

"It could have been random—" I started to say, but he quickly cut me off.

"Bella, there's no way that was random. The way he was beaten was to inflict pain, likely as a coercion. They wanted something from him. And if they didn't get it, they might be back."

"But they left him for dead, and no one has come looking for him yet," I reasoned.

"Yeah, and that part smells funny too. Good-looking guy like him, clean-cut, you'd think somebody would be missing him, but there's been nothing. The only theories I have aren't good ones."

"I don't care," I stated baldly.

He rubbed the back of his neck as he looked at me. "Bella, why? Why do you want to take him in?"

Now I met his eyes with determination. "He needs a chance, Dad. I'm one of the few people who have befriended him. He can't get a new start from some…halfway house. He's not a criminal—"

"That we know of," my dad interjected.

"_That_ _we know of_," I repeated, "and he shouldn't be made to feel like one. He just needs someone to help him out a little bit and to let him know they care."

"And do you?" he asked me.

"Do I what?"

"Care?"

I stood there for a long moment, wondering how much I should admit, both to him and to myself. "Yes, I do care," I said quietly.

"Are you sure about this, Bells?" Emmett piped up, looking at me protectively.

"Yes, I'm sure. He's a nice guy, Em. You'll like him," I told him.

"I still don't like this," my dad said, sitting back down at the table.

I breathed a silent sigh of relief, knowing that the worst was over.

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**Edward**

The reality that I was going to stay at Bella's was slowly settling in, and with it, a feeling of panic. Why had I agreed to this? The happiness and burgeoning confidence of the weekend was completely gone, and I was face to face with my own harsh reality again. I didn't belong here, but I had no way to leave and no idea where to go anyway. I needed to figure out who I was and to stop pretending that anything could be normal for me here. My attraction to Bella was just that: attraction. It didn't mean anything more. I couldn't let it for me, and I was sure it wouldn't for her.

The worst part was I had basically nothing to my name—and that was ironic because I didn't even really have a name—and I wasn't healed yet, so I would have to depend on her for things. The thought made my skin crawl. During my time at the hospital, I had already learned that I hated to depend on people for things, and I was sure it wouldn't be any different with her. Part of me wished that I _was_ going to the halfway house; at least there, there wouldn't have been anyone I _could_ depend on, and right now, getting no help seemed easier than trying to accept it graciously.

I lay awake a long time on Tuesday night, my thoughts chasing each other around in my head until I fell into an uneasy sleep.

"_Tell me now, and I'll make this quick and painless…well, quick anyway."_

"_Fuck you, I'm not telling you anything!"_

"_If he won't tell us, maybe she will…"_

"_Noooooo!"_

I bolted straight up in the bed, screaming, and I had no idea why. I gasped as my ribs caught up with the rapid motion and seared in pain, my head thumping in time to my racing heart. I lowered myself back down to the bed, trying to calm my breathing. What had I been dreaming about?

I concentrated hard, but the more I tried to force it, the more it seemed to slip away. There were…voices. Two men? I couldn't make out what they were saying. All I could remember was that they were angry.

But this felt…real. It was a dream, but it felt as if it had really happened somehow. Maybe it was a memory…

I lay there for a long time, trying to remember what the men had been saying, until I gave myself a splitting headache and made a concerted effort to fall asleep.

When morning came, I was exhausted, the result of a poor night of sleep combined with the shock of the dream I'd had and the headache that still lingered from the early morning. And the anxiety about going to Bella's today continued to mount.

I entered the PT clinic on my crutches and wearily sat down on the table where we usually worked. Bella come over immediately and sized me up, a crease forming in her brow.

"You look—"

"—tired," I finished for her. "I didn't sleep well last night."

"Are you okay to do this?" she asked, putting her hand on my arm.

"Of course. I'm fine," I replied, giving her a half-hearted smile.

She began to chatter at me, but I wasn't really paying attention. I think she knew that, but she kept going anyway, trying to pull me out of my thoughts. It was a very subdued session.

Afterwards, I managed to take a nap, which made me feel a little better at least.

I passed the afternoon reading my book and staring at the TV, watching the clock inch toward five. By the time Bella came to get me, I was a nervous wreck, and I realized how much I had come to depend on the hospital. It was really all I knew, and I was afraid to be anywhere else. At the hospital, people helped me because they were paid to, and it was all very generic and impersonal. At Bella's, she would be the one helping me, and the only thing she would get out of it was…well, nothing.

She looked at me a little strangely as she walked into the room, and I wondered what my face showed. Her eyes fell on the small bag of donated clothing that was all that I had to my name, and I saw her jaw tighten. I looked away, not wanting to see which way her expression went: to anger or to pity.

"Are you ready?" she asked me, and I didn't trust my voice, so I just nodded at her. She picked up my bag for me, and I hobbled after her out of the room.

I hadn't been outside in the evening in a long time, and it looked strange to me as we headed across the parking lot to her truck. She drove this rusted old Chevy that looked like it had once been red, but it had faded to an ugly orange. I wasn't complaining, since it was better than nothing, which is what I had, but somehow, it didn't suit her. I wondered how she came by it.

We rode to her place in silence, and I was sure that she saw that my hands were clenched in my lap and that my knee was bouncing. When we parked, she came around and opened the door wide for me so I could slide down out of the truck. I gave her a grateful smile.

I followed her into the apartment, glancing around as I walked into what was clearly the living room. It was small, but homey. A bookshelf adorned the same wall as the front door, and an overstuffed couch faced the wall in front of me. There was a TV stand against the far wall, and an entryway led to the kitchen and dining area behind it. A small desk with a laptop on it was nestled into the corner near the kitchen. Bella led me to the right and down a small hallway, past a laundry closet and bathroom to the one bedroom in the apartment.

"It's not much," she said nervously.

"It's great," I assured her, grateful to be away from the white walls and sterility of the hospital. I glanced around uncomfortably, wondering how we were going to make this work with just one bedroom. "Does your couch fold out?"

"Yes," she replied, "and that's where I'll be sleeping."

"No, I can't let you do that. I'll sleep there," I insisted. There was no way I was letting this woman, who had welcomed me into her home, sleep on her own couch.

"Absolutely not," she answered, crossing her arms over her chest. "Your ribs would be killing you from that bar before the first night was through, and if you think I'm letting you bugger up your knee again by sleeping wrong after all the work I've put into you, you've got another thing coming. You're sleeping in my bed, end of story."

Her stubbornness was cute, but I was getting irritated.

"No, I'm not. I'll be fine on the couch. I won't have you coddling me."

Her eyes flashed, and I could tell her anger was barely contained.

"Okay, Edward, let's have this talk now, once and for all," she said, taking a step toward me. "This has nothing to do with coddling. You are still healing, and I knew that when I asked you to come here. I'm the one in the medical field here, and I know that sleeping on that couch would just cause you more pain, while it won't matter to me in the slightest, since I'm perfectly healthy. I know you're frustrated, and angry that you can't do everything for yourself and the way that you want to, but the reality is that you can't right now, and fighting me won't change that. So you have two choices here, since I'm not going to give in. You can either accept now gracefully, or you can argue with me until you're blue in the face, but you'll still be sleeping in this bed tonight. Now, what's it going to be?"

"Bella," I began warningly, but she cut me off.

"My roof, my rules, Edward," she said firmly.

Dammit to hell! I had been in her apartment for ten lousy minutes, and she had already maneuvered me into something! I was _not_ happy about this, but I knew she had a point. Sleeping on a foldout couch would be extremely uncomfortable for me; I hadn't been sleeping that well on a regular bed at the hospital as it was.

I glared at her, but dropped my bag in resignation.

"Good!" she said. "Now that that's settled, let's have some supper. Do you care if I order pizza?"

The evening was not as awkward as I had thought it would be. We shared pizza in front of the TV and watched a few old episodes of _Law and Order_. I remembered the plot for some of them, which I thought was a good sign, even though I couldn't remember when I'd seen them before. By ten o'clock, I was beat. It had been a stressful day anticipating coming to Bella's, even though the evening hadn't been bad at all.

"I think it's time I get some sleep," I told her as the credits for the last episode ran.

She fixed me with a piercing gaze, and I felt as if I were being x-rayed. "It's been a tough day for you, hasn't it? I mean, you've been at the hospital all this time. It must seem strange to be somewhere else."

Her directness disarmed me. "Yes, a little," I admitted, glancing away.

"It'll get easier," she assured me, smiling at me shyly.

I couldn't help but smile a little in return. As stressed as I was about pretty much everything about my current situation, Bella had a calming effect on me. Being around her might actually prove to be good for me, I mused.

She helped me up from the couch, and I hobbled down the hallway, with Bella following on my heels. She pulled pajamas out of a drawer and headed toward the doorway.

"Bella," I called, and she stopped in the doorway, her hair flouncing over her shoulders as she turned to face me.

"Thank you," I told her, and those two little words seemed wholly inadequate to express to her exactly what I was feeling.

She smiled a little satisfied smile as she said, "You're welcome," and then she turned on her heel and headed down the hallway.

Although Bella's bed was comfortable, I barely slept that night. The sounds were all wrong. I hadn't realized that I'd gotten used to the whirr and hum of the machinery at the hospital, as well as the sound of the ventilation system. Bella's apartment was utterly quiet at night, and it unnerved me.

I was awake already when Bella knocked on the bedroom door, and I called to her to come in.

"Good morning," she said, peeking her head around the door. I smiled at her as she bustled into the room. "Last night, I forgot that I needed to get a few things out for this morning. I'll do better tomorrow so I don't have to wake you," she said a little nervously.

"It's fine. I was already awake," I told her, grunting as I slid to the edge of the bed to stand.

"Well, as long as you're up, I can give you a quick tour of the kitchen and show you what I have around. We'll have to talk about groceries tonight so I can get some things that you like," she told me, and I had to bite my tongue before I started telling her that she didn't need to do that. It wasn't an argument worth having.

She showed me around the kitchen, and I silently followed her, my tension seeping into the air around us. Finally, she rounded on me.

"Edward, are you all right?"

"Fine," I told her. "Hey, do you mind if I use your laptop? I was hoping to try to do some research into who I am…"

"Of course," she said quickly. "You can use anything you want to around the house. I want you to feel comfortable here." The intensity of her gaze made me look away.

I fixed myself a bowl of cereal in the kitchen, and Bella left shortly afterwards. I looked around the apartment. What was I going to do today?

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* * *

A/N: So Edward is out of the hospital now, but the adjustment is going to be…difficult. But, there are also so many new things for him to be exposed to that might jog his memory! Hmm…

Love to the girls who rock my world: OcSickGirl, Beffers87, drotuno, JenRar, and JulesLovestoread.


	7. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

**Bella**

I hurried home, hoping that Edward had had a decent day at the apartment. He had seemed so nervous this morning, but I didn't want to hover, so I'd resisted the urge to check on him all day.

I opened the lock, expecting to find him on the couch or sitting at my laptop. The living room was empty, and the apartment was eerily quiet. I tensed for a moment, wondering if I should have left him here alone his first day away from the hospital. I shook my head to banish the thought. Edward was a big boy. I was sure he was fine. Maybe he was just taking a nap.

I proceeded down the hallway toward the bedroom, but never made it there. I froze at the scene before me as I peered into the bathroom.

Edward was sitting on the floor, wearing the sleep pants and t-shirt he'd slept in, his legs out straight toward me because of the splint. His upper body was curled onto the side of the tub, his head resting on the top of the tub wall a few inches from the toilet bowl. He was fast asleep.

"Oh, Edward," I murmured, wondering just how hellish his day had been.

I slid along the wall beside him, stooping down in the tight space when I reached his shoulder. I laid a hand there and gently whispered, "Edward."

He startled, pulling the arm he had been resting on over his face and grunting. "Bella?"

"Yes, I'm here," I replied.

"Migraine. Can you…turn off the light?" he asked in a small voice.

"Oh, sure," I stammered, shimmying out from beside him and flipping the switch. I should have guessed and done that before I woke him. I had never seen him when he had a migraine, but I knew they happened pretty frequently. I didn't know that they were this bad, though.

"Thanks," he mumbled.

"Have you been here all day?" I asked, trying to keep my tone casual.

"I don't know. What time is it?" he asked, dropping his arm a little so I could see his face. His forehead and eyebrows were now scrunched tightly. I bit my lip, imagining how much he was hurting.

"It's five thirty."

"Shit! I'm sorry, Bella. You shouldn't have to deal with this," he said, tucking his chin a little tighter to his chest.

"It's not your fault, Edward. You can't control when you get a migraine," I reasoned.

"It's my fault that _you_ have to deal with it," he mumbled to himself, but I heard him loud and clear.

"Hey, remember that talk we had last night?"

"No," he replied sulkily.

"Liar," I shot back. "That's pretty low, trying to use your memory problems to your advantage," I chastised him.

"At least it's good for something," he grumbled. I could see that he wasn't in the mood for teasing.

"Have you taken anything for the pain?" I asked, getting back to the business at hand.

"No," he replied. "It came over me pretty suddenly—I was lucky to make it in here. And once I got down on the floor, there was no way I was going anywhere."

Fuck! I cursed myself for not thinking about this more and at least running home at lunchtime to check on him.

"Come on. Let's put you to bed, and then I'll go and get you your medication," I told him.

"Bella, I—"

"Edward, you're hurting right now. Anything you have to tell me can wait until tomorrow, okay? Let's just get you taken care of."

He huffed out a breath, and I saw the corner of his mouth raise a bit under his arm. He sat up slowly, his hand spanning his temples and pressing tightly into them.

"Fuck!" he swore. "Why does it have to hurt so goddamned much?"

Between the two of us, we somehow managed to get him to his feet, a crutch under one arm and my shoulder under the other. Thankfully, it was a short distance to the bedroom, and as I sat him on the edge of the bed, he immediately lay down and tried to curl in on himself.

"Can you…help me take the splint off?" he asked weakly. "I can't lie on my back, or I'll get too dizzy and end up being sick again."

"Of course," I told him, removing it as quickly and gently as I could.

He immediately curled up into a ball on his side, and my heart ached for him. I hated to see him like this. "I'll go get you a drink and your meds," I told him, but he didn't answer, not that I really expected him to.

By the time I got back, he was asleep again, and I didn't have the heart to wake him. His forehead was relaxed, the strain of the last few minutes completely erased. His face was breathtaking in sleep, the curve of his jaw softened, the day's worth of stubble making it look softer still. I longed to caress his cheek to see if the hair was as soft as it looked, but I didn't dare risk disturbing him. I ghosted my hand over his unruly hair, and he exhaled heavily. I sighed and headed to the kitchen to heat myself some leftovers.

I checked on Edward again before I went to bed. As I opened the door a crack, all I could see was a bit of reddish-brown hair peeking over the top of the comforter, and I could hear his even breathing. At least he wasn't in any pain. I noticed that the pills I had left for him were gone, so I put another dose out and refilled the water glass I'd left him. Hopefully, he'd just sleep through the night.

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**Edward **

I woke up slowly, listening to the muffled sound of a hairdryer and wondering where the hell I was. I slowly opened my eyes and saw an old oak dresser with a jewelry box and perfume bottles. I was at Bella's. Shit! And I'd had a migraine and Bella had put me to bed—_her_ bed. Shit shit shit! This was wrong. I should never have come here. Already I was being a pain in the ass, and I'd just gotten here!

I pushed myself up from the mattress, swaying a little as I righted myself. I was lightheaded and a little dizzy, but at least the awful pounding in my head had stopped. I drew in a sharp breath as I slid myself back to lean against the headboard, my ribs and my knee both protesting at the movement. I was pretty sure I hadn't had any pain meds in a while, and I could certainly tell. I remembered now that Bella had helped me take off the splint so I could lie on my side and that sometime during the night, I had rolled over and twisted my still-unstable knee. I threw the blanket off my leg to see how bad the swelling was, and I wasn't surprised to see that my knee was about twice its normal size. Great. It was _not_ going to be a good day. At least maybe I could get myself put together before Bella came home.

The door opened quietly, just enough so Bella could peer in, and she smiled when she saw me. _It just got worse,_ I thought, throwing the blanket back over my leg.

I was still a bit disoriented from being asleep for so long, and I glanced at the clock again, trying to figure out if she should be home or not.

"Hi, Edward. How are you feeling?" she asked, smiling as she put her head a little farther into the room.

"Better. Is it…Friday?" I said, leaning my head back against the wall and closing my eyes.

"Yes. It's about ten in the morning on Friday," she replied.

"Shouldn't you be at work?"

"I took the day off," she said casually.

I froze. "You did _what_?" I demanded, snapping my head up to stare at her.

"I decided to stay home today. I was ready for the weekend," she explained, steadily meeting my gaze.

"Bella, you can't be taking off work because of me!" I said miserably, unable to meet her eyes. Of course she'd taken the day because she was worried about me and didn't want to leave me alone. I could feel the heat on my neck and cheeks. I was already disrupting her life, and I hadn't even been here forty‑eight hours!

"Edward, I wasn't going to leave you alone like that," she declared, her eyes daring me to argue.

"I should never have come here," I muttered, running my hand through my hair anxiously.

I heard an exasperated huff, but when she spoke her voice was gentle. "I'd like to think we're friends now, aren't we?" she asked, walking into the room and sitting on the edge of the bed.

"Yes," I replied distractedly, although I truly had no idea why she would want to be my friend.

"Well, friends help each other, and I thought you needed help today," she said sincerely.

"But Bella—"I tried to argue, but she cut me off.

"Edward, you have enough trouble with your memory and your other injuries. Please don't borrow any more by worrying about me helping you. I _want_ to help you, if I can. That's why I asked you to come here instead of letting you go off on your own. You're not completely healed yet, and you're going to need help. Will you please let me give it to you without freaking out about it? I'm a big girl, and I knew what I signed up for when I asked you to stay here. I knew there would be things you'd need help with, and I'm willing to do whatever is needed because I'm your friend. Please?"

She gazed at me, her expressive brown eyes saying much more than her words as she silently pleaded with me to relax and let it go.

I was angry and frustrated, not at what she'd done, but at the need for it. I was so tired of feeling helpless and dependent and not having anyone close to me who I felt comfortable relying on. She was the closest thing I had to a friend…

"I'm not comfortable with it, but I'll…try," I said hesitantly, my anxiety level still high.

"That's all I'm asking for," she replied, smiling as she reached forward and touched the top of my hand. Her soft fingers sent a jolt down my spine, and I met her eyes, wondering if she'd felt it too.

"So," she began, "let's start over. Since you're feeling better, do you want to get up and have something to eat?"

"Yes, I'm starving," I answered, trying hard not to think about the fact that until I got my act together, Bella was paying all of my expenses.

"Good," she said, sliding off the bed and retrieving my splint.

"You're not gonna be happy," I mumbled, throwing the blanket back off my leg and revealing my very swollen knee.

"Wow," she exclaimed as she turned around, frowning down at me. "Well, let's get you to the couch, and we can ice that while you eat."

Thankfully, I was able to make it down the hallway on my crutches without too much trouble, and Bella settled me with my leg propped up on the couch before going to get me a bag of ice and a bagel.

"What did you do yesterday morning?" she asked as she handed me my breakfast and set out to ice my knee.

"Well, your father came by not long after you left," I said, and the look on her face made the words die on my lips.

"My father?" she repeated, and I nodded. "Came here."

"Yes. He stopped by to give me an update on the investigation," I explained, but her gaze remained stony.

"I'm sure," she said, crossing her arms. "What else did he say?"

"He asked how I was doing and if I had remembered anything," I told her, carefully leaving out that he'd also told me he was "keeping an eye on me". She was upset enough as it was.

"And?" she prompted.

"And I think that was it. He wasn't here that long."

And that had pretty much been my morning. The migraine had hit about fifteen minutes later, and that was it for my day.

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**Bella**

Son of a bitch! I couldn't believe that my dad had the brass _cajones_ to come over here and visit Edward the day after he got out of the hospital! I knew there was more to the conversation than Edward was telling me, and I had a pretty good idea that that conversation had been partially to blame for Edward's migraine the day before. We would be having words about this…as soon as Edward wasn't around.

Edward took a shower, and then we spent the afternoon just lying around and watching TV together. I could tell he still wasn't recovered from his migraine—he looked pale, and he dozed off a few times as the afternoon went on, despite all the sleep he'd gotten. At least the swelling in his knee went down after icing it off and on all afternoon. We had a quiet dinner, and he headed to bed immediately afterwards. He looked completely worn out as he said good night to me. I hoped tomorrow would be better for him.

And now, it was time to give it to my dad for his little stunt the morning before. I was still seething over his interference. Stupid alpha male testosterone-fueled crap!

I pulled out my cell and angrily dialed him, and when he picked up, I didn't even give him the chance to say hello.

"You came here to threaten Edward when I wasn't around?" I accused immediately.

"Well hello, Bells…"

I didn't respond, waiting for him to answer my question. He huffed into the phone.

"No, of course I didn't threaten him. I stopped by to talk to him about the investigation."

"Bullshit, Dad, I asked you to stay out of this!" I yelled, my anger rising.

"Oh, come on, Bells. I was just looking out for you! I didn't lay a hand on him."

"You didn't have to," I muttered, recalling what I'd found when I came home yesterday.

"What?"

"Nevermind, Dad. Just leave him alone, okay? He's got enough problems without you breathing down his neck. We'll be fine."

"We?" he said incredulously. "When did you become a 'we'?"

"I didn't mean it like that," I said quickly, glad he wasn't here to see me blush. "I just meant him staying here with me. He just needs a little time to sort things out and a little help. Promise me you won't mess with him again."

I heard him sigh. "Okay, I'll leave him alone. For now."

"Thanks, Dad, you're a real peach," I said as I hung up the phone.

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I was sitting at the kitchen table around nine in the morning the next day when I heard the bedroom door open. A little while later, Edward appeared at the end of the hallway, clad in gray sweats and a white t-shirt. He looked much better than he had the day before, showered and clean-shaven, his hair tousled as if it was freshly towel-dried. He'd been so under the weather that I hadn't thought about how hot he was in a few days, but it hit me full-force as he gave me an almost bashful smile. My stomach fluttered, and I put a hand on the seat of the chair to steady myself.

"Hi," he said a little nervously.

I frowned a bit at his hesitancy. "Good morning. Would you like some coffee?"

His eyes lit up as he glanced at my steaming cup. "Yes, please," he enthused, hobbling toward the kitchen. I let him pour and doctor it himself, only offering to carry it from the counter to the table for him. He glanced downward as I did it, but said nothing. It was progress.

"So, what are you doing today?" he asked as he sipped his coffee and nibbled at the blueberry muffin I had offered him.

That was a good question. My last two weekends, I had gone to visit him at the hospital, and before that, I hadn't done much of anything for a few weeks. It had been two months since I'd broken up with my last boyfriend, Riley, and I hadn't really gotten back into the swing of life since then. So I turned the tables back on him.

"I'm not sure. What are you doing today?"

He cocked his head, pondering the question. "I don't know. I haven't really had many options before today…" He dropped his gaze to the cup in his hands. "But I don't want to interfere with your plans. Just pretend I'm not here."

I chuckled, and as I looked at his pained expression, I laughed out loud.

"Edward, I am _not_ going to pretend you're not here."

"Why not?" he demanded.

"Because I like that you're here," I said without thinking.

He raised an eyebrow at me.

"I—I mean…" I stuttered, blushing bright crimson. "Oh hell, why don't I just quit while I'm behind! Do you want to come for a ride with me? I have a few errands to run, and I thought you might like a tour of Forks—not that that will take more than five minutes…"

He smirked, still studying his cup, and then raised his bright green eyes to meet mine. "Sure. I could use to get out a bit. I've been inside too much these last few weeks."

He went and changed into jeans and his blue t-shirt, and we headed into town in my truck. He looked around as we drove, taking in the single main street of Forks, with its quaint little shops and Saturday morning farmer's market.

"Wow, this really is a small town, isn't it?" he observed as we pulled up in front of the drug store.

I grinned at him. "I believe the word you're searching for is 'charming'."

He laughed, a sound I hadn't heard in quite a few weeks. It sent a warm thrill down my spine that pooled in my stomach, just as it had the last time. I tore my gaze away from his face to take the keys from the ignition so I could hide my giddy smile.

"Do you want to wait here while I run into the drugstore, then maybe we can walk through the market a bit?"

He glanced down at his splinted leg, seeming to acknowledge that he'd just slow me down and he probably shouldn't be on his feet that much. "Sure," he replied. "That sounds good."

I hurried through my purchases at the drugstore, and when I came out, I was surprised to see that the truck was empty. I put my bag in through the window and glanced around. There was Edward, sitting on a bench about a half a block down, head thrown back as he basked in a patch of sunlight, his eyes closed and a wide grin on his face. Again, I wondered who the real Edward was. This was another one of those moments where I could see that there was a person with a whole other life trapped inside of him and that the circumstances were dictating the hesitancy and uncertainty I saw in him. In his other life, he was a confident man, self-possessed and maybe even a little cocky. I hoped that someday, he'd be that person again, because I wanted to meet him.

I walked over and stood next to the bench, blocking his sunlight. He threw a hand over his eyes to glance up at me, and I saw his confidence retreat a bit.

"Your truck isn't exactly comfortable while wearing a splint from your ankle to your thigh," he explained.

"I'll bet it's not," I told him. "Shall we?"

We walked through the farmer's market—just a collection of pickups backed up to the sidewalk, selling their fruit and produce off their tailgates. We actually attracted quite a bit of attention—new faces were rare in Forks, so a strange, handsome man on crutches was bound to draw some stares, especially when walking with a hometown girl. No one said anything, but a few of the younger girls flashed Edward brilliant smiles, and he grinned back, looking slightly confused. I didn't think he really had any idea how attractive he has. Of course, he'd had more important things on his mind in the last few weeks…

We bought fresh fruits and veggies for the week, and as we got to the end of the block, we ran into Alice and Jasper, just starting to walk through the market from the opposite side.

"Bella!" Alice squealed, jumping me from behind and almost pulling me over.

"Hey, Alice. What are you doing here?" I asked as I disentangled myself, laughing at her usual level of enthusiasm.

"Oh, the same as you," she replied sunnily, suddenly noticing that Edward was standing beside me. "Well hello, Edward! It's so good to see you out and about!" she exclaimed, beaming at him.

"Thanks, Alice," he replied a little uncomfortably, clearly discomfited at seeing her outside the hospital.

"Hey, Edward," Jasper piped in, extending his hand toward him.

Edward smiled at him, taking his hand from his crutch to grasp Jasper's.

"Oh, Edward. You're not my patient anymore, or Jasper's, so relax!" said Alice, immediately sensing the tension in the air and setting out to diffuse it.

Edward glanced up at her quickly, but grinned and relaxed his shoulders a bit. I didn't think he'd realized that he was telegraphing his anxiety.

"Hey, we're going to Tyler's tonight. Why don't you guys join us?" Alice asked, and when neither of us responded, she added, "Come on, it'll be fun!"

"I probably shouldn't," Edward said hesitantly, and again, I thought of all those weeks he'd spent in the hospital, not able to do anything but wait for himself to heal so he could begin an uncertain future. He needed a little time to relax, maybe even enjoy himself a bit.

"Why don't we go, Edward? We don't have to stay out late," I encouraged, meeting the uncertainty in his gaze with calm and confidence.

He stared at me for a moment, then he relented. "Sure, that sounds like fun. Thanks for inviting me," he said politely.

"Great! We'll see you guys there around seven o'clock!" Alice enthused, winking at me as she turned her head so Edward wouldn't see her.

I shook my head, afraid to even guess what she was up to.

We hung around the house for the rest of the day, and Edward went to lie down for a few hours in the afternoon, saying he had a headache. I had to remind myself that he'd just gotten out the hospital three days ago and he was still recovering from a serious brain injury. Maybe I had pushed him too hard in suggesting that we go out that night. My fears were dispelled, however, when he came to the kitchen around dinnertime. He was now wearing a black t-shirt with his jeans, and he looked…amazing. The thin cotton just defined the muscles on his chest, and somehow the black accentuated the red highlights in his hair. He would attract a lot of attention at the bar tonight, I was sure of it. He grinned at me, looking refreshed and ready to go in comparison to earlier this afternoon. Maybe we could have a nice evening…

By the time we got to Tyler's, the place was already hopping. A loud band was playing on the stage, and it was difficult to maneuver through the crowd, especially for Edward. We finally found Alice and Jasper ensconced at a table near the back, beer already in hand.

"Yay!" Alice yelled as we sat down, squeezing our way into the round booth next to her and Jasper.

I grinned at Alice before turning to Edward. "What would you like?" I asked.

He looked down quickly, his lips making a thin line. "I'm fine. I probably shouldn't drink anyway."

Goddammit! I'd forgotten that he was still on a hefty dose of Percocet and he'd already taken it today. He also didn't need to be any more unsteady on his feet, given that he was already on crutches. I had hoped that we could just have a few beers and relax. Fuck! Why hadn't I thought this through? I also wondered if he was hesitating because I would be the one buying the drinks. Augh, what a mess!

I smiled at him apologetically and asked Jasper to run and get me a beer, since Edward was on the outside and obviously he couldn't do it. Edward looked away for a moment, but when he turned back toward me, he was smiling, although it looked a little forced.

Alice chatted away to me about the local gossip and her patients at work, and Jasper chimed in when patients that we all had in common came up. Edward listened politely, but he really didn't have anything to contribute to the conversation. The conversation switched to current movies and the upcoming outdoor concert at Forks High School, and again, Edward was lost from the conversation. By this point, he wasn't even feigning paying attention, his eyes roving over the other people in the bar, taking in all the happy couples and conversations around him. He was clearly not having a good time, and I had absolutely no idea how to fix that. I had wanted him to come out so we could include him in something and make him feel more at home, but it had only served to further isolate him. I was angry at myself for my lack of thoughtfulness. This was a bad idea and I should have seen that.

"Hey, Bella, I forgot to tell you that I ran into Mike Newton the other day," Jasper said. "He mentioned that his main daytime clerk had quit and that he was looking for someone to replace her. I thought that might be a good job for Edward, since he'd probably be able to sit down most of the time."

Edward looked toward Jasper at the sound of his name, but he'd obviously not heard a word he'd said.

"That sounds like a great idea, Jasper!" I answered. I turned toward Edward. "Jasper just said that our friend Mike might have a job for you. He owns the local sporting goods store, and his daytime clerk just quit. He always hires college kids through the summer, so he mainly needs someone responsible to sit behind the register and watch over things. That sounds like it might be perfect for you while your knee is still healing. What do you think?"

Edward thought for a moment, and then he truly smiled at me for the first time since we entered the bar. "That sounds wonderful!" he agreed. "Do you really think he'd hire me?"

"Sure he would!" Jasper told him. "He's a friend of ours, and we'll certainly put in a good word for you."

Edward ducked his head and mumbled, "Thanks, Jasper," unable to meet his eyes for a moment. When he looked up again, he smiled, but it didn't reach his eyes.

"Good," I said. "I'll call Mike tomorrow and see if we can go meet with him sometime this week."

At around eleven, I decided we should call it a night. Edward looked exhausted, and his melancholy mood was beginning to rub off on me. We said our goodbyes to Alice and Jasper, and made our way out of the bar and back to my truck.

"Are you okay to drive?" he asked distractedly.

I'd only had two beers over four hours, but I was surprised that he'd made the effort to ask. Most guys that I knew wouldn't have.

"Yes, I'm fine," I assured him as I closed the truck door. I took a deep breath and looked toward him as he settled himself on the seat. "Edward, I'm sorry about tonight. I wanted us to go out and have a good time. Maybe it was too soon."

He glanced over at me sadly. "I know. I'm sorry I wasn't much fun tonight. I…this is much harder than I thought it would be," he admitted.

I didn't know if he meant tonight, or being at my place, or just being out of the hospital, but I wasn't going to ask him to clarify.

"It'll get easier, I promise," I reassured him. "It just takes time."

He covered his face with his hands, sliding them down over his mouth, before finally folding them in front of him as he took a deep breath. "I know," he whispered impatiently as I started up the truck.

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**Edward **

It had been a long evening at the bar, and I was sore and tired. I should never have agreed to go, but I had been hoping that it would help me relax a bit. Instead, it had done the exact opposite. I was still out of sync with everyone else, and I didn't know how to have a normal conversation. So much of who I was and what I knew was behind the dark shroud in my mind that there wasn't enough for me to draw on to relate to people. I had listened to Bella and her friends talk, but I'd had nothing to contribute, and eventually, I got bored and started watching the people around me.

They were having fun—a group of guys laughing and joking at the next table, eyeing up the girls over at the bar, a couple kissing at the back of the dance floor, oblivious to everyone around them—I had to have memories like this somewhere in my head. What had I done for fun, and who had I done it with? I had to find a way to force the situation with my memory and get my life back. I was tired of feeling this awkward and uncomfortable, and tired of being a drag on everyone around me. Poor Bella, she had tried so hard to include me, but I just wasn't includable right now. I sighed and stared at the table in front of me, until I heard Jasper say my name.

"That sounds like a great idea, Jasper!" Bella was saying. She turned toward me, completely aware that I hadn't heard a word Jasper had said. "Jasper just said that our friend Mike might have a job for you. He owns the local sporting goods store, and his daytime clerk just quit. He always hires college kids through the summer, so he mainly needs someone responsible to sit behind the register and watch over things. That sounds like it might be perfect for you while your knee is still healing. What do you think?"

I thought about it for a moment. This would get me some income so I could help Bella with expenses, and it sounded easy enough that I could do it despite not being a hundred percent. It sounded perfect! I gave her a genuine smile. "That sounds wonderful!" I agreed. "Do you really think he'd hire me?"

"Sure he would!" Jasper said. "He's a friend of ours, and we'll certainly put in a good word for you."

Jasper's words hit me like a blow. Although I was grateful, Jasper had no reason to put in a good word for me—I'd been nothing but an asshole to him when he'd worked with me in the clinic. Another case of someone being nice to me just because they could. I didn't know where I came from, but wherever it was, I wasn't accustomed to getting something for nothing. I ducked my head and mumbled, "Thanks, Jasper," unable to meet his eyes. I berated myself for my behavior and forced myself to look up at him and smile in thanks.

"Good," Bella said. "I'll call Mike tomorrow and see if we can go meet with him sometime this week."

At least one good thing had come out of the evening.

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* * *

A/N: Poor Edward! You knew it wasn't going to be easy, didn't you? Too much stress and not enough memories for him to connect with people. It'll get better though…eventually. I promise! Hang in there!

Also, HTF is up for fic of the week over at The Lemonade Stand this week. Yay! If you're enjoying it, please go vote for it here:  
tehlemonadestand. blogspot. ca/?zx=b22aeda240736b11 (Remove the spaces after the periods when you copy the url and it will work!)

Lastly, I finally looked at the calendar for posting, and discovered that I want to get a certain chapter posted by a certain date, which I'll explain later. But in order to do that, I'm going to need to post 3 chapters a week next week and the following week. If RL doesn't interfere, I'm hoping to post on Sundays, Tuesdays, and Thursdays for the next 2 weeks. So, more HTF for you sooner! Yay!

Love and kisses to my team: OcSickGirl, Beffers87, drotuno, JenRar, and JulesLovestoread.


	8. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

Bella called Mike on Sunday and arranged for us to go by the store on Tuesday evening. She had wanted to take me on Monday, but there was no way that I was letting her take any more time off work for me—she already had to take me to see Dr. Gerandy on Thursday afternoon.

I took a nap again on Sunday afternoon. It was a habit I'd gotten into while at the hospital, and it seemed that it was a hard one to break—that, and I was still so fucking tired all the time. I knew it was a side effect of the brain injury, but being in my twenties—I think?—and not being able to make it through the day without a nap was just embarrassing. Just another indignity I had to suffer in this new life of mine.

When I came out of the bedroom around four o'clock, I found Bella sitting at the kitchen table, the pieces of a jigsaw puzzle spread out in front of her on a sheet of plywood. The box on the floor showed that it was a mountain landscape at the height of summer—blue skies and white puffy clouds above and a pristine lake below, surrounded by craggy rock formations in the background and a forest of evergreen trees. The thing looked fucking impossible. It had two thousand pieces, and three quarters of them were green.

She glanced up at me as I hobbled into the room.

"What are you doing?" I blurted out, unable to hide the incredulous look on my face.

She smiled sheepishly. "I thought I'd start a new jigsaw puzzle. My grandmother used to have one set up on her dining room table all the time, for family to poke at when they had a few minutes. I always used to love that, and I thought it was high time that I carried on the tradition. Wanna help me?" she asked eagerly.

I chuckled as I looked at the pieces. "Sure, but I don't think I'll be much help. They all look the same to me."

"Ah, you think that in the beginning," she said enthusiastically, "but soon, you realize that every one is unique and contributes equally to the whole. I find that this is a good way to relax if I'm stressed."

"_This_ relaxes you?" I asked, raising an eyebrow. "Hunting through a million pieces that all look the same to find the exact one you're looking for? I think that would stress me out more than anything."

"Well," she said, chewing on her lip, "focusing on a puzzle always distracts me from whatever was causing me stress, and I can quit this anytime I want, unlike most things in life."

I thought about that for a moment. "So, this gives you control over something."

"Yes, I suppose it does. And you get a pretty picture when you're finished!"

I shook my head, but sat down next to her anyway and watched as she sorted the pieces by color and began working on the blue sky. We chatted as she worked, and I realized that she was the one person I knew that I could actually relate to. I didn't understand why, since my memory was the same no matter who I talked to. Maybe she just chose topics that weren't threatening and didn't remind me of what I was missing. Maybe I also asked her more questions than I did anyone else—I found that I was curious about how she grew up in this small town and why she decided to stay. Whatever the reason, it was a pleasant afternoon just sitting at the kitchen table with her.

At dinnertime, she moved the plywood sheet from the table and slid it under the couch to store it until we could work on it again. After we cleaned up dinner, she disappeared into the bedroom and returned with a bag from the drugstore, holding it out to me.

"I got you a present, sort of, although I think it might be more for me than for you," she said awkwardly as I peered into the bag. "I don't want to find you on the floor again, so this way you can call me if you need something."

A cell phone dropped into my hand as I turned the bag over, and I frowned at Bella, narrowing my eyes.

She raised her hands in self-defense. "Now, it's just a cheap, pre-paid phone, no big deal. Since I don't have a land line, there's no way for you to get ahold of me if you need to, and we've already seen how that can turn out. Just keep it with you in case, okay?"

I looked into her brown eyes, clouded now with uncertainty. She was the most thoughtful and caring person I'd ever met. Granted, my list of acquaintances was short right now, but I had a feeling that she'd be at the top even if I had my complete acquaintance list at my disposal. Warmth spread through me as I gazed at this one person who cared about me, and I couldn't help but smile at her.

"Sure. Thanks, Bella. I hope I won't have to use it anytime soon."

She relaxed visibly.

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I woke with a gasp, covered in cold sweat and panting as if I'd run a marathon. It was still dark, and the apartment was silent, except for the sound of my harsh breathing. I rolled onto my back, running a hand through my hair and leaving it lodged there. I had been dreaming again, I was sure of it. I closed my eyes and tried to focus, and suddenly, I was on the forest floor, my cheek grinding into the dirt below me. There were voices, but I couldn't make out what they were saying, and my ribs seared in pain with every shallow breath. I wrapped an arm around my torso, feeling the phantom pain and trying to stay in that moment. This definitely was no dream; this had actually happened. If I could just make out what they were saying…

I lay there for a long time, going over and over the little bit I could remember, trying to glean anything I could from it without pushing myself so hard that I ended up with a migraine. It was a fine line, and I walked it until the sun came up, but I wasn't able to recover anything else.

I stayed in the bedroom until I heard Bella moving around, not wanting to wake her before she needed to be up. I joined her in the kitchen just as she was putting coffee on. I was going to need a lot of that today if I wanted to stay awake—I think I'd been up half the night at least.

This was the first morning that I'd seen her in her pajamas, fresh from sleep, other than my first morning here when I'd been too distracted to notice. She'd slept in a little white tank top and blue sleep shorts, the top revealing more of her skin than I'd ever seen—the outline of her collarbone making a graceful arc to her soft, bare shoulders. I wondered what it would be like to trail my lips over that expanse of soft skin before moving downward toward…the hardened nipples that I could plainly see through the clingy cotton she was wearing! This was her house, of course she wouldn't sleep in a bra. I felt myself getting hard as I averted my eyes, and I couldn't deny the warmth spreading from my groin all the way up to my cheeks. I stared at the floor, swallowing past the lump in my throat as I tried to rein in my libido. And this with her essentially fully clothed…

Bella looked at me a little strangely, immediately sensing that something wasn't right. There was no way that I was going to tell her that her nipples had just made a stand-up guy out of me, so I struck first. "Morning. Are you at the hospital clinic today?"

"Yes," she replied distractedly, and I wondered what she'd seen on my face just a moment ago. I hoped that my mouth hadn't been hanging open, but I honestly didn't know. She shook her head and smiled at me. "I should be home a little after four today. Will you be okay here all day?" she asked casually, but I could see that she was nervous about leaving me, given what had happened last week.

"Sure, I'll be fine," I reassured her. "I'm going to spend some time online today, trying to figure out if anyone has been looking for me, and I'll keep the cell phone handy in case it's a rough day, okay?"

She smiled at me, relaxing her shoulders a little bit. "You're starting to read my mind, did you know that?" she teased.

I was startled for a second, but it was…comforting to know that I was getting to know her well enough that I could sometimes tell what she was thinking. It was an intimacy that felt wholly new to me, and more than a little exciting.

I grinned at her. "Nah, it's just your imagination."

I grabbed some breakfast while she showered, and I jumped in after her, and when I returned to the kitchen, she was already gone. But the puzzle was on the kitchen table now, and it looked like she'd added a few pieces before she'd left. I grinned and shook my head as I hobbled toward Bella's little desk where the laptop was. I was eager to begin my search for my identity.

I started by pulling up the write-up from the local paper about how they'd found me, but there was nothing there that I didn't already know. Over the next few hours, I checked the police websites in the local area, found message boards about people who were missing—although in my case, I was found, so it was rather unique—and read about amnesia to try to figure out if there was anything I could do to help myself.

I struck out on all counts. None of the missing descriptions that I found sounded anything like me, and there really wasn't anything I could do to help my memory. The one thing that supposedly helped was going to familiar places to try to jog your memory, but since no one knew where I was from, that was impossible. By lunchtime, I was ready to toss the laptop across the room—the only thing that stopped me was knowing that it was Bella's. I lurched up from the desk chair, intending to just skip lunch and go lie down for a while, and then my gaze fell on the puzzle on the table. My whole life was essentially out of my control right now. Having control over something would have to feel good, wouldn't it?

I sat down at the kitchen table, and as I slowly started to put a few pieces together, I did feel a little better. Keeping my hands busy seemed to keep my mind on a more even keel and away from the things that frustrated me. At least it was something to do…

I ended up working on the thing for the next hour and then again for a while after my nap. By four o'clock, I was starving, since I'd skipped lunch, so I got it in my head to poke around the kitchen to figure out if maybe I could cook dinner for Bella and me tonight.

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**Bella **

Like last week, all day I resisted the urge to call Edward, but by five o'clock I was a nervous wreck. I kept reminding myself that he'd promised he'd call if he needed anything, but I still didn't really trust that he'd do it. I took a deep breath as I turned the key in the lock, not knowing what I might find, but I didn't have to look far: I saw Edward the moment I opened the door. He was in the kitchen, his back to me as he stood in front of the stove, and the most delicious aroma wafted over me as I walked through the door. Edward was…cooking? And by the smell of things, he wasn't doing a bad job of it, either!

I dropped my keys on the end table, causing him to jump and turn to face me. He ducked his head and gave me a shy grin as I walked into the kitchen.

"I thought I'd try my hand at cooking us some dinner. I hope you don't mind…"

"Of course not!" I replied, examining what he had going on the stove. "I'm not exactly a good cook anyway." It was true. Although I could keep myself from starving and my skills were impressive to the likes of my father and brother, I knew I was average at best.

"Well," he said, flashing me a brilliant smile, "it appears that I might be."

I realized then that he was excited—the most excited I'd seen him since the day he'd told me his true name. Warmth spread through my chest, and I grinned back at him, thrilled to see that he'd had a good day.

"So when is this fantastic meal going to be ready?" I teased, at a complete loss looking at the three pots and saucepan that he had on the stove.

"In about five minutes," he told me, turning his attention back to the stove. "Would you mind setting the table? I couldn't move the puzzle board, or I would have done it already."

I walked over to the table and noticed that the puzzle had a good fifty more pieces assembled than when I'd left this morning. I chuckled to myself as I put the board under the couch. I had told the truth about my grandmother, but I also knew the psychology of stress relief. If Edward could just keep busy and not spend all his time pushing himself to remember his past, it might come back when he least expected it. I didn't comment on the puzzle, but I'd be sure to put it on the table each morning before I left.

We sat down to eat five minutes later. I could tell he was trying not to stare at me for a reaction as I took my first bite, but he couldn't help but glance at me expectantly.

There was no need for him to worry, though. Dinner was amazing! He'd made chicken fettucine alfredo with broccoli, and it was the best I'd ever tasted!

"Wow," I said after I'd swallowed my first mouthful. "This is fantastic! Did you make the sauce from scratch?"

"Yes, I did," he answered, beaming at me. "I just…knew how to do it. Whatever else I am, I'm apparently a decent cook."

"More than decent," I enthused. "I know how you're going to be earning your keep around here from now on."

He laughed and dug in to his own plate.

Edward could cook. Wow. I knew that there were men who were at home in the kitchen; I'd just never met one in person. Most of the men I knew could barely make toast, let alone put together a meal like this. Edward got more interesting, and more desirable, if I was honest with myself, with every new thing I learned about him. Today was a world away from last Wednesday, when he'd first come here, and even from Saturday night at the bar. I smiled to myself and enjoyed my dinner.

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**Edward**

On Tuesday morning, Bella took me to the outpatient PT clinic with her. We did my therapy session there at nine o'clock, and then she drove me back home before driving back to go on with her day. It had been a good session—I was able to put weight on my leg most of the time while using my crutches, and my knee seemed to be gaining flexibility and strength. Bella thought that Dr. Gerandy would switch me from the splint to a brace this week, so I couldn't wait for Thursday's appointment.

I spent the day much the same as the one before, hunting the internet until I got frustrated and then working on that blasted jigsaw puzzle to relax. I was starting to suspect that the puzzle was more for my benefit than it was for Bella's, but I kept my opinions to myself.

I made dinner for Bella again. I was still pretty excited to have discovered something that I was good at. It was the first thing I'd learned about myself, and I was happy that it was a good and useful thing.

After dinner, we drove to Olympic Outfitters, the local sporting goods store owned by Bella's friend Mike. I was nervous. I was beyond nervous. For some reason, I was downright terrified. I knew this wasn't going to be a formal job interview or anything, but at this moment, it was my first step toward some independence, and I wanted it desperately. I wiped my sweaty hands on my jeans as we entered the store. Mike immediately waved to us from behind the counter.

I followed Bella up to the counter and saw that Mike was cleaning some guns to add to his display case. I rested my hands on the counter a few inches from the closest weapon, trying not to grip the edge or tap my fingers on the glass. I focused on Mike as Bella introduced us.

"Hi, Mike! This is my friend Edward," she said by way of introduction as we shook hands.

"Hi, Edward," he replied with a smile. "So you're interested in working for me?"

"Yes, if you'll have me," I replied nervously, sweat dripping down my back.

"I know from your situation that you can't tell me what kind of experience you have, but based on what Bella and Jasper have told me, this seems like it would be a good fit for you."

"Yes, I'm hoping so," I said awkwardly, knowing that this guy had absolutely no reason to hire me, other than what Bella and Jasper had told him.

We talked some more about the hours I could work and how I'd get there, but I found it increasingly difficult to focus on the conversation. As he turned to ask Bella something, I realized that I was nearly having a panic attack about this and I had no idea why.

When Mike turned back, he looked at me in open-mouthed surprise.

"Well, Edward, whether it was for work or recreation, you obviously have handled firearms before," Mike said.

"What?" I asked distractedly.

"You just broke down that Glock like it was your best friend. That's not something you can just do without instructions."

I looked down at the weapon, neatly laid out in five pieces before me. My hands started to shake. I didn't even remember picking it up, and I had taken it apart without realizing that I was doing it.

I pushed away from the counter and hobbled to the front of the store, stopping to rest my hand against the doorframe.

"What the hell?" I heard Mike say behind me.

"It's nothing. I think he was just surprised that he could do that. He'll be okay," answered Bella.

"Well, if he knows about guns, even instinctively, he'll be more of a help around here than I had first thought. Tell him I'd be happy to have him work for me."

My hands were still shaking as Bella put a hand on my shoulder. "Are you all right?"

All right? I didn't know what the hell I was. I'd been keyed up when we'd arrived here, and now I'd just discovered that I knew my way around handguns. Other than cooking, which I considered to be pretty generic, this was the first thing I'd discovered that I could do that related directly to who I was. For a moment, I'd been ecstatic…but just for a moment. The implications of it scared me. A Glock was not a hunting weapon. It was an indoor range gun, something carried by someone in law enforcement…or something used by a criminal. If I'd discovered that I knew how to play golf, I surely wouldn't be reacting this way. My deepest fear was that I was someone that even I wouldn't be proud of, and the knowledge I'd just gained was a potential step in that direction. I knew that Bella knew what I was thinking. I also knew that she'd never say it out loud.

"I was just…surprised," I said hesitantly, still trying to settle myself.

"It's no different than discovering that you can cook. Lots of people own handguns," she continued, trying to reassure me.

"I'm sure you're right," I answered, not wanting to discuss this at all. I had been so stressed tonight, I could already feel the migraine coming on. Dammit! I just wanted to get home and go to bed as soon as possible.

"Bella, can we go home now? I'm not feeling very well," I told her, my head already beginning to throb.

"Of course," she replied, giving me a concerned look.

By the time we got home, I was in agony and couldn't really see straight, so Bella had to help me get from the truck to the bedroom. The dizziness was making me nauseous, but if I was lucky, I would fall asleep before it went too far. Bella brought me my meds and tucked me into bed, taking off the splint and my shoes for me while I focused on hanging on to my dinner. Thankfully, I fell asleep quickly.

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"Edward. Edward?"

I awoke to the sound of Bella calling my name, and I blinked blearily up at her.

"Wha…?" I mumbled, and suddenly, I remembered that she'd put me to bed last night with another migraine.

"How are you feeling?" she asked, keeping her hand on my arm.

"The headache is gone," I answered truthfully, but I still felt like complete and total shit. "Is it morning?"

"Yes. I wanted to see how you were before I decided what to do about work," she said hesitantly, chewing on her lower lip.

"You should go," I responded quickly.

"But…"

"Really, Bella, I'll be fine. The migraine is gone, now I'm just fucking exhausted and I'll probably sleep half the day away. I can keep the cell phone here beside the bed, and you can call to check on me if you want to. I'm okay, really," I told her, trying to sound much better than I truly felt.

I don't think she was completely fooled, but she knew I was much better off than last week, so she relented and went to work.

I pretty much spent the day in bed, and we ordered pizza that night. I tried not to think at all about the incident with the Glock and what it might mean.

On Thursday, I got the all-clear from Dr. Gerandy to switch from the splint to a knee brace. I was ecstatic! I was so tired of not being able to bend my leg and of hobbling around on crutches all the time. For the last few days, I had pretty much been just walking with the splint on when Bella wasn't home—I didn't think she'd approve, so I didn't tell her I was putting my full weight on my leg already. The timing was also perfect because I'd be starting my new job on Monday at Olympic Outfitters. It would be nice to be able to move around a little more easily.

When we got to the PT clinic on Friday, Bella immediately went and got the new brace for me. It was black and had hinges on either side of my knee, and it was held in place by straps on my thigh and calf. As she fitted it on me, I smiled gratefully.

"This is great! I'm _so_ tired of those crutches!"

Bella raised her eyes to me and bit her lip. I knew her reactions well enough now that I knew I was about to hear something unpleasant.

"You won't be getting rid of the crutches just yet…actually, for a little while, you'll be even more dependent on them."

I'd need the damn crutches more now? What the fuck? I obviously didn't understand how this worked, and I was irritated that Bella hadn't let me know this was coming. I dropped my gaze to the floor and exhaled forcefully.

"Wait, let me explain!" she hurried on. "I know that your leg will bear your weight with the splint on"—I glanced up quickly. Obviously, she'd been watching me—"but this will be totally different, because now you can bend your knee. This brace will keep your knee from twisting and doing damage when your knee gives out, but your knee will still be able to buckle when you put weight on it, and we need to re‑teach your knee joint how to hold your weight. Actually, this is when the real work begins for you," she said apologetically.

"Why the hell didn't you tell me?" I snapped at her. I knew my anger was irrational, but so many things had happened this week and I'd been so up and down that I was completely out of patience.

She blinked as she processed what I'd said. It had been weeks since I'd snapped at her, and she wasn't expecting it. "I didn't realize you didn't know!" she shot back. "It'll be fine, Edward. I'll help you to…"

"I don't want any more goddamned help!" I yelled, hopping off the table on my good leg and grabbing my crutches. I stormed out of the clinic, stopping when I got to the street because I realized I didn't know where I was going…didn't have anywhere to go…fuck!

I turned around, and Bella was right on my heels. We nearly collided as she pulled up short and poked a finger in my face.

"Hey, don't you walk away from me! We're not in grade school! What the hell is going on here? You can't expect to just bounce back to normal after what you've been through…"

I locked eyes with her, stilling her with the intensity of my gaze. "Bella," I said quietly, "I don't even know what normal is."

She dropped her hand to her side, sighing as she closed her eyes. When she opened them again, I could see the tears pooling in the corners, and I just couldn't take it. I raked a hand through my hair as the words spilled from my mouth.

"Fuck! I'm sorry, Bella. None of this is your fault, and you've been so kind to me. I just…God, you don't know how frustrating this is! I don't know who the fuck I am, and what little bits I've managed to remember aren't the important ones. Oh, and just for kicks, every once in a while, I forget things that just happened! I don't have a single fucking thing to my name, and I have to depend on someone for absolutely everything. Whoever I am, I don't think I depended on anyone for anything, because it just feels so fucking wrong to me! I'm tired of hobbling around, dealing with pain and pain meds, and being so goddamned tired all the time! Oh yeah, and I can't even go a fucking week without a migraine knocking me on my ass and making sure that you have to do even more to take care of me. Just…_fuck_!" I was yelling again by the time I finished, my breath coming in sharp gasps and causing my ribs to ache as I fought to control my anger.

The next thing I knew, Bella's arms were around me and her hair was brushing my chin as she laid her head against me, hugging me as tightly as she could. I inhaled the sweet strawberry scent of her hair as my breathing slowed, and I wrapped my own arms around her and laid my cheek against the side of her head. I hadn't been touched in this way since…well, at all that I could remember, and I hadn't known how badly I needed it until now. I held on, drinking in the feeling hungrily and forgetting for a moment that there was anyone or anything else in the world but her.

"I'm sorry," I whispered softly into her hair, and she made a choking sound against my shoulder.

She stayed where she was for a moment, and as I calmed down, my body began to respond to her in other ways—the warmth of her body against mine setting my skin ablaze and causing my muscles to stiffen in response.

She pulled back then, her soft brown eyes brimming with a depth of emotion that I could barely stand to witness, but then she moved almost imperceptibly closer, raising her chin so that if I moved just an inch forward, my lips would meet hers. She wanted me to kiss her—I could see it in her eyes, feel it in the press of her body against mine. And I wanted to—oh God, I wanted it like nothing else before in my life—but a little voice in the back of my head reminded me of all the things I had just told her: I was no one and I had nothing. I leaned back instead of forward.

Bella held her ground and even moved forward into the space I had occupied, but the moment was lost. She dropped her gaze and whispered, "Edward, you have nothing to be sorry for. Nothing at all."

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A/N: Lots of ups and downs in this chapter, and Edward is starting to discover some things about himself. Cooking is good, but what about knowing his way around firearms? Hmm…any theories on who he is yet?

Their attraction to each other seems to be reaching a breaking point, just like his frustration. Something has to give soon, right? Did you love the hug as much as I did, and did his denial break your heart?

Love to my ladies: OcSickGirl, Beffers87, drotuno, JenRar, and JulesLovestoread.


	9. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

**Bella**

Dammit, _why_ didn't he just kiss me? I could tell that he wanted it just as much as I did, but something held him back. I wanted to comfort him, in more ways than just a simple hug. I wanted him to know that I cared about him and what I did was not out of obligation or pity. And most of all, I wanted him to understand that he was a good person and that he deserved better than this. My heart had literally broken as he raged about his situation. I knew all the pieces, but he was usually good enough at managing them that I never really saw the whole, as he had just laid it out for me. And the way he had held on to me when I hugged him—there was so much emotion there that I almost couldn't bear it, so much inside of him that he never let show. I just…wanted to be there for him whenever he needed someone, and I knew now that I could accept nothing less.

I sniffled a little and looked back up at him. He had retreated again—the look in his eyes was resigned and distant—as if he had already closed the door on his emotional outburst. "Why don't we go back inside and we can finish your session for today?" I suggested.

He nodded and even smiled a little as I collected up his crutches from where they'd fallen when I'd thrown my arms around him, and we made our way back inside.

Edward was quiet as I taught him the new strengthening exercises that I wanted him to do every day now that he was cleared for full motion, and I had him ride the stationary bike for a few minutes to loosen up his knee joint. At two minutes, I could see that it was taking him more effort than I wanted it to, so I told him that was it for the day.

"Make sure to ice that when you get home, because it's definitely going to swell now that you're able to bend it," I reminded him as I dropped him off back at the apartment.

He nodded his head in acknowledgment. "I'll see you after work," he said as he hopped out of the truck.

I was glad I'd put the jigsaw puzzle on the kitchen table this morning. I had a feeling it was going to get some attention today.

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After what happened yesterday morning, I had a new plan for the weekend—keep Edward busy so he wouldn't have so much time to think about all the things that were wrong in his life. And I had another idea that I hoped would make him happy.

I looked up as Edward came down the hallway—most days I didn't see him until he was ready for the day, but today he'd decided to come have breakfast before showering. I loved the days that I saw him the way he woke up in the morning—navy blue pajamas pants and white t-shirt, hair sticking up in twenty different directions just begging me to run my fingers through it to try to tame it, and that slight rasp in his voice, still gravelly from sleep. My mouth went dry just looking at him…

…and when he snapped his fingers in front of my face, I jumped as I realized that my mind had put the scene in rewind, back to the bedroom, with me waking up next to him.

"Hey, where are you?" he asked, grinning at me curiously.

_Oh, in the bedroom seeing what's under those pants, _my subconscious helpfully supplied.

"Oh, just lost in thought," I said, trying to sound casual as I blushed in embarrassment. Living with him was getting both easier and harder with every day that went by.

"So what are you doing today?" he asked as he fixed himself a bowl of cereal.

"Actually," I said confidently, "I have plans for both of us."

"Oh?" he replied, sitting down across from me, his bright green eyes twinkling with interest.

"Well, yes. I wanted you to come shopping with me this afternoon, and then I was hoping you'd come over to my dad's with me for dinner."

He tried to hide his reaction, but I could tell that neither idea appealed to him.

"What are you going shopping for?" he asked warily. I suspected that he knew where this was going.

_Time for the hard sell… _

I looked him right in the eye. "Well, I'd like to take you shopping for some new clothes."

His right hand went immediately to his hair, running through his tousled locks and landing on the back of his neck. "Bella, I didn't tell you all those things yesterday so that you'd feel bad and do even more things for me."

"And I'm not suggesting we go shopping because I feel bad about anything or because of what you told me yesterday," I shot back.

He raised his eyebrows at me in disbelief.

"What? That new brace is not going to work well with jeans, so you could use some shorts, and it's getting warmer now anyway. And you start your new job on Monday, so wouldn't it be great to go to work in some new things?"

"Yes, but—"

Maybe if I could keep him from articulating his reasons, I wouldn't have to fight so hard.

"But what? You have a birthday sometime this year, right? And we don't know when it is, so let's just pretend it's soon."

He narrowed his eyes at me.

"And you'll get paid the week after next, so you can give me some money then."

"But that money's for—"

"It's for whatever I say it's for, isn't it? Edward, I want to do this. When have I ever asked you for anything?"

He frowned at me, blowing out a quick breath. "Now you're playing dirty," he said accusingly.

"Well, sometimes you have to play dirty to get what you want. Now, are you going to deny me the only thing I've ever asked you for?" I pressed, raising my eyebrows at him and laying it on as thick as I could.

"Goddammit, Bella," he swore, shaking his head.

I knew that I had him. I reached across the table and covered his hand with my own. "Please?" I said softly, telling him with my eyes that I was doing this because I cared about him so much.

My stare seemed to overpower him for a moment, because he looked away, tilting his head down and closing his eyes. He took a deep breath and looked back up at me, and I saw a tenderness there that I'd never seen before. My breath caught, and it was my turn to look away.

"Of course," was all he said.

I got up and poured some more coffee, taking a moment to put myself together. I wasn't sure what I'd just seen, but it was more than attraction…and definitely more than friendship.

By the time I sat back down, Edward had returned to his breakfast and the atmosphere in the kitchen had returned to normal. _Well, one for one so far. Time to go for broke._

"So…about my dad's?"

He returned his empty spoon to his bowl and look at me uncomfortably. "Are you sure that's a good idea? Is he really okay with me being here?"

"It doesn't matter if he is or not, because I'm old enough to make my own decisions, but yes, he's okay with it. Despite his visit here the other week, I know he's okay with it, or he would have given me a much harder time when I told him."

He raised an eyebrow. "So you admit that he gave you a hard time?"

_Dammit._ I blushed a bit. "Well, he is my father… But he's not the reason I want you to come. I'd like you to meet Emmett."

The expression on his face didn't change. He wasn't any more comfortable with meeting my ex‑football playing younger brother than he was with seeing my police chief father again. _Augh._

"Come on," I coaxed. "I usually make them dinner either Friday or Saturday night so they get at least one home-cooked meal a week. They don't talk much. We can eat and then leave."

He chuckled. "You seem to want to keep me busy today," he observed shrewdly.

"I have no idea what you mean," I called over my shoulder as I made my way to the bathroom. My plan to keep him occupied seemed to be working, whether he knew about it or not.

We spent the afternoon at the mall, where I cajoled him into picking out a few pairs of cargo shorts, some new t-shirts, a few incidentals, and I even talked him into a new pair of sneakers. I knew he wasn't comfortable with it, but at least he'd let me do it on the condition that he'd be giving me his paycheck. I was quite pleased with myself.

We headed over to my dad's around five, and I could tell that Edward was nervous. He stared out the window as we drove, and his knee bounced a rapid rhythm. I reached over and put a hand on his knee to still it, and he jumped a mile, startling so badly that I let go immediately.

"Hey, it's just my dad. He doesn't bite," I said, trying to calm him.

"No, he arrests people," Edward said, swallowing hard. "I'll be fine, honest. Anxiety seems to be a thing of mine lately."

With all he'd been through, it was no wonder, but I hoped that tonight wouldn't add one more stressful event to his week.

When we got to my dad's, he and Emmett were sitting on the couch, watching a rerun of a Seahawks game from last season. Emmett always watched a lot of football, and in the off-season, he usually re‑watched his favorite games from the previous year. Tonight, it was the wild card game that had gotten them into the playoffs.

As I opened the door, they both looked up from the game and smiled in greeting. I went in ahead of Edward and walked over in front of the coffee table.

"Dad, you remember Edward."

My dad nodded his head as Edward mumbled, "Hello, sir."

"Edward, this is my brother, Emmett."

Emmett stood and extended his hand to Edward as I introduced him. I almost laughed as Edward's eyes widened when Emmett reached his full height, and he swallowed again as Emmett gripped his hand.

"It's so good to meet you," Edward said politely. I was glad he'd at least managed to find his voice.

"Likewise, man," Emmett said casually. "Do you like football?"

Edward paused for a moment. "I think so," he said uncertainly.

Emmett gave him a strange look, but then he seemed to remember why that would be and didn't comment on it. "Well, why don't you sit down and watch with us," he offered.

"Do you need any help with dinner, Bella?" Edward asked, turning his attention back to me.

My dad and Emmett looked at him as if he'd grown another head, and I grinned in satisfaction. Edward was so much more considerate than any man I'd ever known.

"No, I'm fine. You stay and do man stuff," I told him, laughing at his surprised expression.

Edward sat on the recliner and turned his attention to the game, so I headed for the kitchen to start dinner. Only a minute later, I was surprised to hear his voice.

"Oh, this is the wild card game from last year. Wilson had a great game. I really don't think they won this one just because Griffin got injured."

I dropped the head of lettuce I was holding and went to peek around the corner. Edward had a confused look on his face, and he was rubbing his temple distractedly. He hadn't remembered everything, or I was sure he would have been acting differently.

"You do know football!" Emmett said happily.

"Yeah, I guess I do. I remember this game, and pretty much the rest of last season now that I think about it, but I don't know where I was when I saw the games."

"That's weird, man."

"Tell me about it," Edward responded, and at that moment, he saw me watching him. He shrugged and grinned a little bit, then turned his attention back to the screen.

As I returned to the sink, I heard them continue their conversation, and a thrill of happiness ran through me as I realized that Edward was having a normal conversation with my dad and brother. He even sounded like he was enjoying himself! He and I had pretty normal conversations, but with everyone else, he usually seemed awkward and uncomfortable. It was so amazing to hear him relaxed and having a good time.

A few minutes later, Emmett came in and grabbed three beers from the fridge. He grinned at me and mouthed "I like him" as he walked past. The conversation about last season continued through dinner, and while I would normally have been bored out of my mind, it was fascinating to watch Edward and Emmett debate the finer points of the season. Edward was confident in his opinions and had the facts to back them up. It was like watching a completely different person from the one I knew. This was more than a flash of Edward as he truly was; it was like a window into the past, and maybe even a preview of things to come. I didn't want the evening to end, because I knew it would be like the clock striking midnight for Edward—he would return to the uncertain and quiet man I'd brought here.

At eleven o'clock, we finally decided to head for home. Edward looked exhausted, but also like he didn't want to leave. I knew he had managed to forget his troubles this evening, and it had been good for him.

As I helped Edward to his feet, Emmett stood up from the couch and gave him a firm pat on the shoulder. "You can come over and hang anytime," he said sincerely, and Edward smiled back at him.

"Thanks. I'd love to come back," he said.

I grinned all the way home in the car, and despite the shortness of the drive, Edward actually fell asleep. I knew we'd be making a habit of dinner at my dad's from now on.

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A/N: Short chapter for today, but I'll make it up to you on Thursday. Lots of guesses in the reviews on who Edward is—most of you are pretty optimistic that he's undercover law enforcement. Everyone wants a good Edward. ;) No comment from me because I don't want to spoil it!

Edward and Emmett finally met—yay! Didn't you just know they'd hit it off? And Bella continues to maneuver Edward into things that are for his own good. I would certainly take care of Edward like that, if given the chance! Would you?


	10. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

**Edward**

I started my new job on Monday, working from twelve to five. Mike picked me up before noon, since he usually stopped by the store at lunchtime, then Bella picked me up at the store when she got off work. It was a good arrangement to get me started, and twenty-five hours a week seemed like a manageable number. I found it wasn't as easy as I'd hoped it would be, though. Was anything ever going to be easy?

Not having a nap in the afternoon meant that I was exhausted by the time I got home at night, and I went to bed right after dinner every night that first week. Being on my feet and moving around so much also did a number on my newly bendable knee—it was swollen to hell and gone every evening. Bella insisted that I ice and elevate it while she made dinner. She even sent me to bed with ice on it and then came and retrieved the bag later. I knew I had to be pretty tired if I could fall fast asleep with a bag of ice on my leg!

If I'd just been able to stay asleep, though, then things might have been okay. But almost every night, I would wake up shaking and sweating from reliving my time on the forest floor, and it would take me hours to relax enough to fall back to sleep. I never remembered any more of what happened, though. It was always the same thing, night after night—the feel of the leaves beneath my cheek, the sound of my shallow breathing as the pain lanced through my chest, and of course, the voices that I couldn't make out. It was really starting to get to me.

I made it through the week, though, and on Saturday night, Bella made plans for us to go out with Alice and Jasper to celebrate. I was determined to have a better time this time—I felt a bit better about myself now that I was doing something to earn money, and I made sure not to take any meds all day so I could actually have a drink.

The bar looked the same as it had two weeks before: crowded, a loud alternative rock band on the stage—we _were_ close to Seattle—and lots of people having fun. Alice and Jasper already had a table in the back and waved us over as soon as we walked in.

"Bella, Edward, it's so good to see you!" Alice exclaimed, bounding up from the table with her usual level of enthusiasm and crushing Bella in a hug. Jasper nodded his head from where he sat.

"Hey, guys," Bella and I said together, and she grinned at me as our eyes met.

As we sat down, Jasper smiled and asked, "So, what are you drinking?"

Bella piped right up. "I want a Thunderhead IPA. It's from a microbrewery in Seattle. You should try it, Edward."

"Sure," I said, not really knowing my own taste in beer.

Bella got out her wallet to give Jasper money for the drinks, but he put a hand on her arm. "No, the first round is on us. It's not every day that we get to celebrate someone returning to the daily grind…wait, why are we celebrating?" he asked, scratching his head as he sauntered away to get our drinks.

"So, Edward, how was work this week?" Alice asked eagerly.

"Not too bad, but it's going to take some getting used to. I was beat every night when I got home."

"You'll adjust," Bella said with a reassuring smile.

"Are the teenage girls Mike hires falling all over you?" Alice asked conversationally.

I'm glad I wasn't drinking anything at the time because I surely would have choked on it. I could feel the blush spreading up my neck and over my cheeks as I stammered, "I don't…_think _so…"

I looked over at Bella, and she was staring open-mouthed at Alice. I could see that she had blushed at the comment too.

"Oh, Edward, I'm sure you just haven't noticed. Those girls would have to be blind to not be mooning over you."

"Thanks, Alice. I'm sure that thought will make my Monday more comfortable," I admonished her.

"Cut him a break, Alice. Guys don't notice that kind of shit," Jasper defended me as he passed me my beer.

I nodded to him appreciatively, on both counts.

"Come on, you know Mike hires only the skinny and pretty ones so he can ogle them—it's nice to see him getting a taste of his own medicine by hiring someone _they_ can ogle."

We all laughed, but for Bella and me, it was definitely a little uncomfortable.

"So, Alice, how were your patients this week?" Bella asked, and I flashed her a quick smile to thank her for changing the subject.

Alice launched into a description of her week, and I settled in to enjoy my beer as I listened. I actually felt like part of the conversation tonight. It had been a brutal two weeks for me, but I was in a much better place than when I'd last sat here. I was making progress. It was painfully slow, but now at least I had a job and my knee was getting stronger. It was a start toward the things I wanted, anyway.

I looked down and noticed that my beer was empty. Bella's was almost gone too. At the next lull in the conversation, I turned toward her. "I uh…need to get up anyway, so why don't I get us some more beer on my way back?"

Bella smiled at me warmly. "Sure, but how are you going to carry them?"

"Well, I can get around now on one crutch. It's easier in a crowd like this anyway. I can carry two bottles in one hand."

"Okay," she agreed, slipping a twenty into my hand.

I couldn't wait until I got paid next week so I could have a little of my own money in my pocket and give the rest to Bella to help with expenses.

I excused myself from the table and headed across the crowded room. When I finally got to the bar, I found myself next to a girl with long brownish-blond hair who was actively staring at me. She had a pretty face and a cute smile. I also couldn't help but notice the low-cut top she was wearing that showcased her ample cleavage.

"Hi, you must be Edward," she said, smiling at me broadly.

"Yes, how did you know that?"

"It's a small town," she purred. "No one…new…goes unnoticed around here. Particularly someone so…interesting. I'm Jessica, by the way. I went to high school with Bella."

It was obvious that she had me at a disadvantage. She knew quite a lot about me from the local gossip.

"A pleasure to meet you," I said politely.

"So, is this the first small town you've been stuck in?" she asked bluntly.

I chuckled, ducking my head. "Yes, I don't make a habit of this, at least not as far as I know. It's not too bad, though, now that I've got a job."

"Oh?" she said curiously. "Where are you working?"

"Over at Olympic Outfitters, for Mike Newton."

"That's great!" she enthused, putting her hand casually on my arm. "I haven't been by there in ages! I think it's time that I updated my camping supplies, so I'll have to stop by."

Now I knew she was flirting, and somehow, I didn't mind. Recalling Alice's comments, I realized now that the two girls that worked for Mike _had_ been eyeing me up this week. I'd just been too preoccupied to really notice.

"That would be great. I'm sure I could help you with whatever you need," I told her.

"I just bet you could," she said seductively, taking a step closer to me.

Whoa. This was a little bit more than I had in mind for tonight. It was nice to be noticed, but I had no intentions whatsoever toward this girl, now or ever.

I looked over her shoulder toward our table. If looks could kill, then I would have been catching Jessica as she fell at that moment, because Bella was staring daggers at her. Suddenly, her glare crumbled and I could see sadness and frustration curve her lips into a frown…just as she realized I was watching her. She looked away quickly and asked Alice a question.

I knew two things at that moment: one, I wished I were flirting with Bella right then, rather than the girl beside me, and two, I never again wanted to be the cause of the look I'd seen on Bella's face. I snapped my attention back to the present and hailed the bartender to get my beer.

Jessica was still standing extremely close to me, so I took a step back, reaching for a pile of napkins on top of the bar. "It was nice to meet you, Jessica. Maybe I'll see you over at the store."

"You can count on it," she said, winking at me as I grabbed the two bottles and turned to leave.

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**Bella**

"Well, Edward seems a bit more relaxed tonight," Alice said once Edward was out of earshot.

I smiled a little in satisfaction. "Yes, and I'm so happy about it. It's been a really hard few weeks for him, and it's great to see him enjoy himself a little."

"How are you two doing?" she asked with a twinkle in her eye.

"Alice, you know it's not like that," I scolded her.

"But it could be! He still looks at you the way he did before—actually I think even more so now that you know each other better. And I _know_ that you like him. So what the hell's the problem here?"

Jasper chuckled, and I knew it was at Alice's black and white view of the world. Everything was easy if you were Alice: it either was, or it wasn't, there was no in-between.

"Alice!" I whined. "You know it doesn't work that way!"

She glared at me.

"Well, for me anyway. He's trying to figure out who he is and get the hell out of here. Why would he want to get involved with me?"

"Sometimes, it's not about what you had planned," Alice said wisely. "Falling in love just happens. And what if he doesn't get his memory back anytime soon? He could stay here for a long time."

"I know," I agreed grudgingly, and I couldn't help the smile that crept across my face.

"Hey, what aren't you telling me?" Alice said shrewdly. She could always tell when I was hiding something.

Well, I didn't really want to hide this anyway. "Well…" I hesitated. "I'm pretty sure he almost kissed me a week ago."

"Oh yeah? Spill it, girlfriend!"

While I was gathering my thoughts to try to explain what had happened at the clinic last Friday, I glanced toward the bar to see where Edward was…just in time to see Jessica Stanley put her hand on his arm as he smiled at her and ducked his head coyly. I froze, and I felt my eyebrows furrowing as I glared at her. He did look fucking amazing tonight—he was wearing that green t-shirt of his that exactly matched the color of his eyes, his jeans were tight in all the right places, and his hair was even more wanton and wild than usual—but who the hell did that little tramp think she was? It wasn't as if she hadn't had most of the boys in town. God forbid a new one not fall prey to her harpy claws.

"Bella," Alice began as she turned to follow my gaze. "Oh…uh-oh."

I barely heard her as I watched Jessica take a step closer to him. I watched his body respond—he leaned just a little closer, and his smile got just a little wider. Oh my God, was he attracted to her? _Now wait a minute. It's none of my business. I don't own Edward, _I admonished myself. But more than jealousy, it stung somehow. After all the time we'd spent together and all the things I'd done for him, I'd never seen him respond that way to me. Not that I was helping him to get that, but still… Fuck!

My glare softened to disappointment, and I could feel tears stinging my eyes just as Edward's gaze met mine. Dammit! He wasn't supposed to see that! I looked down at the table quickly, then turned my head back to Alice. She was staring at me, open-mouthed.

"Oh, Bella, who are you kidding?" she said.

"Shut up, Alice. He's coming!" I said nervously, wishing I had a beer in my hand right then.

Edward arrived at the table in the awkward silence that followed my outburst, and he glanced around at us nervously as he set the beer bottles down.

Jasper grinned at him. "Glad you're back, bro. I was getting tired of all the _girl_ talk."

Edward grinned at him and sat down next to me. I gave Jasper a look of gratitude. He always knew how to set the right mood.

The conversation resumed, and Edward was very…attentive to me. He was sitting a little closer than he had been before he went to the bar, and occasionally, his arm would brush mine as he took a sip from his beer. He talked and laughed with us, and he never once looked back to the bar, where Jessica was still chatting up the locals. Maybe he hadn't been as into her as I'd thought... I relaxed a bit and took another pull from my beer. I was the one he was sitting next to, after all.

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**Edward **

Mike didn't need me on Wednesday, so I had my first day off. Since I'd only started a week and a half before, I didn't feel like I really needed one, but I took advantage of the time to catch up on some sleep, put some more pieces into the jigsaw puzzle—it was about half put together now—and to continue searching the Internet for any clues to who I was or where I came from.

I was sitting at Bella's laptop around five o'clock when I heard a sharp rap at the door, followed by the sound of keys in the lock. I froze. Something told me that it wasn't Bella.

I stood up quickly and hobbled toward the door, a crutch under my right arm to support my knee, but my other arm free in case I needed to defend myself.

A guy who looked to be about my age pushed the door open and stopped dead when he saw me. He was shorter than I was, with lighter hair and brown eyes set in a narrow face. His expression turned instantly hostile.

"Who the hell are you?" he demanded, glaring at me.

"You're the one who just walked in uninvited. Who the hell are _you_?" I shot back, not liking the look of this guy at all.

He glanced around the room, taking in my plate from lunch on the coffee table and my sneakers on the floor in front of the couch, and fire burned in his eyes.

"I'm Bella's…we used to date, and I need to see her. Where the fuck is she?" he said angrily, stepping into the apartment and toward the hallway.

"She's not home from work yet, and I think you need to calm the fuck down," I said, shifting so I was in front of him and raising a hand toward him.

He took another step, and I was already bracing for the shove and ready to retaliate when Bella came through the door behind him.

"Riley, what the hell?" she exclaimed, her eyes wide as he rounded on her instead.

"Jesus Christ, Bella! It's barely been two months and not only have you replaced me, but you've given someone else what I wanted?" he shouted.

Bella's eyes nervously met mine before settling on Riley. The only reason I didn't kick his ass, crutches or no, was that I had no right to. I wasn't her boyfriend. But I'd be damned if I was going to stand there and let some guy treat her like dirt, no matter who he was.

Bella took a deep breath. "Riley, this is Edward. He's my friend and he just got out of the hospital, so he's staying with me for a while." Now she turned to me. "Edward, can you give us a few moments, please?"

"Of course," I told Bella, but I glared at Riley as I turned for the hallway, silently warning him that I would still be close.

I hobbled back to the bedroom and closed the door, but thought better of it and re-opened it a crack before sitting down on the bed. That asshole seemed pretty angry, and since Bella had never mentioned him, I had no idea if he was capable of hurting her or not. I was only planning to listen for raised voices, but in a small apartment sound carried…

"Riley, what the hell are you doing here?"

"Your _friend_?" Riley spat at her.

"Yes. Believe it or not, I don't sleep with everyone that I call friend, unlike some other people I know."

"Who is he? He's not from around here…"

"No, he's not. I met him through the hospital."

"He's that guy they found, isn't he? The one who was on the news. What the hell are you doing, Bella? He could be dangerous!"

"Riley, he's not dangerous, and he's a hell of a lot nicer than you are!"

"This is because of Emmett, isn't it? Another lost soul? You can't save them all, Bella, and sometimes, they're not worth saving."

_What did this have to do with her brother?_

"What I do, and who I do it with, are none of your business. Now, why did you come here?"

A pause.

"I…needed to see you. I've missed you, Bells, so I thought maybe we could talk."

"Riley, I'm sorry, but I've said all I had to say. I'm just not ready for that kind of commitment."

"Well then, I take back what I said, I'm happy to just date and have our own places until you're ready."

"Riley, it's not what I want anymore. I'm sorry."

"Does it have to do with _him_?"

"No. I told you he's just a friend."

"Aww, come on, Bells. Give me one more chance."

"Riley, let go of me…"

I was down the hall before my mind even really registered that I'd gotten off the bed. Bella came into view, her eyes wide with surprise and anger as she struggled to break the grip that Riley had on her forearm. He had no intention of letting go—in fact, there was a bit of a smirk on his face. He was enjoying this.

"That's _not_ how you treat a lady," I growled, and the next thing I knew, I was on top of Riley, my good knee in his back and my hands holding his arms behind him, his face pressed into the carpet. I was panting as I fought to control my anger—I had seen red when I heard him grab her and I'd reacted on instinct. There was blood on his lips and nose, and on the knuckles of my right hand.

Bella stood beside me, her hands over her mouth and her expression unreadable, but I didn't think she was unhappy that I'd come to her rescue. I didn't know how I'd managed to get here, but there was no dignified way out of it without her help.

"Bella," I said, extending my hand toward her.

She pulled me up, and Riley got quickly to his feet, glaring at us both.

"Leave," I ordered, glancing at Bella quickly to see her nodding.

Riley was smart enough not to say anything. He stalked to the door, swiping at the blood on his face with the back of his hand.

I put my hand out toward him. "Keys," I demanded.

Bella watched wide‑eyed as he deposited her apartment key into my hand. With one last scowl, he turned on his heel and left.

As I closed the door behind him, I turned toward Bella and put my hand on her shoulder. "Are you okay?"

"Yes, I'm fine," she said, looking into my eyes with a mix of gratitude and…awe?

Now that the adrenaline was wearing off, my knee wasn't willing to hold my weight, so I limped heavily across the room, picked up the crutch I had left beside the laptop, and headed back to the bedroom, my whole frame shaking.

What the _hell _had I just done? I didn't know how I'd gotten from the bedroom to Bella and Riley, and I knew it wasn't from memory loss. I had been so angry that I'd just acted without thinking. And obviously I'd thrown a punch, but I didn't remember doing it. I hoped Bella wasn't angry with me. I had done it to defend her honor. But who had taught me to fight like that? You don't just do what I had just done without practice. It seemed I wasn't only experienced with weapons, but with hand fighting as well. Who was I that I knew these things? The optimistic part of my brain suggested that I could have been a cop, but it made absolutely no sense that no one was looking for me. Cops will track someone to the ends of the earth to avenge one of their own—Charlie would surely have seen something about me if I were a missing officer. But there were a lot of other ways to get experience with fighting and guns: gang member, drug dealer…any kind of criminal, really. For the first time, it occurred to me that maybe I didn't really want to know who I was. Maybe it was better for me that I had left that life behind.

I took a deep breath, knowing that I was nowhere near calm, but I needed to go and face Bella again, to make sure she wasn't angry with me for what I'd done.

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**Bella**

I watched Edward's retreating back and heard the bedroom door shut, still in shock over what had just happened. I couldn't believe that Riley had had the balls to come here, much less to try to convince me to give him another chance.

We had not parted well. We had been dating for about eight months, but Riley wanted more. He had been pressuring me to move in with him and had finally given me an ultimatum: get a place together or break up. I did like him, but either I just wasn't ready to live with him or I never would be, because the thought of it had made me balk. I knew better than to push a situation I wasn't comfortable with, so I'd walked.

His pride had been wounded. He hadn't talked to me since that day, but I'd had a sneaking suspicion that someday, he'd come back. But with everything going on with Edward over the last few weeks, I'd almost completely forgotten about Riley.

And Edward…I could _not believe_ that he'd taken Riley down like that for grabbing me. He'd literally just dropped him to the carpet, as if it was second nature. He had always seemed so…gentle. I didn't know he had that kind of fight in him. And he'd done it to defend me. No one had ever done anything like that for me before. I was…wow. I had never met anyone like him before.

I heard the bedroom door open, and Edward came slowly down the hall. He looked calmer, but very serious and almost…sad. He stopped at the end of the hallway, meeting my eyes. I motioned him over to sit with me on the couch. He came farther into the room, but he remained standing.

"Are you really okay?" he asked, his eyes wandering over me.

"Yes, I'm fine, honestly. He'd only grabbed my wrist when you came in."

"And then what happened?" he asked, staring at the floor.

"You don't remember?"

He flicked his eyes up to mine. "It all happened so fast, and I was angry."

"Well, you came in, he took a swing at you and you ducked it, but the punch you threw connected, and then you dropped him to the ground."

"At least he swung first. That explains why my ribs are sore," he offered.

"Thank you," I said, standing up. "He was being a jerk and he'd gone too far. He always did have a problem with no—that's part of the reason I stopped dating him."

"Only part?" he asked, quirking an eyebrow at me.

"Well, that and the fact that I really didn't like him as much as I first thought I had," I replied. "I don't think we'll be seeing him again anytime soon."

"I assaulted him," Edward said, looking worried. "You don't think he'll press charges?"

I grinned at him smugly. "Are you kidding me? My dad is the chief of police. Do you really think he'd go in there and report that you hit him after he got rough with me? I think he knows he wouldn't walk out of there alive."

"Good point," he chuckled, his mood lightening for a moment. But then he got serious again. "Can I ask you something?"

"Sure," I replied nervously, scanning through the whole incident in my mind to try to guess where this was going.

"What did Riley mean, about Emmett, and you saving people?"

Oh. That.

"Sit?" I asked again, trying to figure out how I was going to explain this.

This time, he complied and sat down next to me, obviously waiting for me to explain.

"Well, I told you about Emmett when we were younger, but life hasn't been too kind to him these last few years." I took a deep breath. "Emmett was diagnosed with schizophrenia two years ago. His friends found him after he'd had a break, in a ditch off campus, hallucinating that people were following him. He had to leave school, and he's still trying to get the meds worked out so that he can keep a job and hopefully go back to school someday."

"Wow, I had no idea."

I glanced up to find him staring at me intently, and his hand found mine as he said, "I'm sorry, Bella."

"He's all right, for now. I've spent a lot of time helping him and being there for him…"

"…and Riley assumed that you were doing the same thing for me," he finished for me, his eyes dark and unreadable.

"Is that bad? To want to help someone and give them a chance to get back on their feet?" I asked of him, my emotions coloring my voice.

He looked at me intently. "No, it's not bad. It's very selfless, particularly when the person you're helping is a veritable stranger. You have a good heart, Bella."

His words poured over me like warm honey, and I couldn't help but smile shyly at him. We didn't talk about what his skill at fighting might have said about who he was, but I knew he was thinking about it.

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A/N: Edward finally went out and had a good time, and he got hit on! Yay for a bit of normal life! But what about the way he took Riley down? Does this make it more likely that he's a good guy, or more likely that he's some kind of criminal? We shall see…answers will be coming soon!

Okay, let's talk about fingerprints. I've gotten several questions asking why Charlie didn't run Edward's prints to find out who he is. In my mind, this was the most obvious thing to do, so I didn't even comment on it. Charlie did run Edward's prints, and he's not in the system. If he's a bad guy, this could be because he's never been caught, or he worked out some sort of deal. If he's not a bad guy, he could just have never been printed, or if he's law enforcement maybe his prints are not in the system for some reason. I have altered the text in Chapter 1 to add this detail. Thanks, everyone, for being so involved in the story!

OcSickGirl, Beffers87, drotuno, JenRar, and JulesLovestoread—you guys are all awesome sauce!


	11. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

**Edward**

Life fell into a pattern then for Bella and me. I worked five hours a day for Mike for the first two weeks, then once I could handle it I bumped it up to seven hours a day. I made dinner for her most nights, exploring my culinary skills and finding that not only could I follow complex recipes, but I also had a talent for creating my own dishes using my inherent knowledge of spices and seasonings. I made something different every evening, much to Bella's delight. It thrilled me to know that I could give her something back after everything she'd given me.

As the weeks went by, I continued to heal. My knee got stronger, to the point that my leg would bear my weight if I limped pretty heavily, but I was still using at least one crutch outside the house to get around more easily. My ribs were almost completely healed—I was down to taking codeine occasionally on a bad day, but I was mostly pain-free. Thankfully, I also wasn't as tired anymore. I could work a seven-hour shift at Olympic Outfitters and still manage to stay awake in the evening to spend time with Bella.

Now that I was more mobile, we also started doing more things socially—Bella always insisted that I come with her and wouldn't take no for an answer unless I had a really good reason. So drinks at Tyler's on Friday nights with Alice and Jasper and dinner at Charlie's on Saturday nights became the standing order. This was fine by me, since Jasper and I had discovered we had the same taste in music and Emmett and I were gearing up for the upcoming football season.

Bella also suggested that I should get my driver's license—it was the easiest ID to have, and that way if I ever needed to drive, I could do it legally. Bella taught me to drive—well, let me behind the wheel of her truck is more like it, since as soon as the truck started moving, I remembered instantly what to do. From there, it was a simple matter of getting a permit and studying to take the license exam. I was able to go from zero to license in two weeks, and I was pretty proud of myself.

I had remembered nothing more, but the nightmare in the forest continued to haunt me. It never went any further and I could never make out what the voices were saying, but the smell of the fresh earth and the feel of the leaves under my face felt more than real, as did the pain in my ribs and knee. I would wake sweating and shaking several nights a week, and that would usually be it for sleep for that particular night, so I still ended up going to bed early most nights to try to get enough sleep.

The fact that nothing was changing weighed heavily on me. Would I ever remember who I was? Given my knowledge of guns and fighting, did I even _want _to know? I had this conversation with myself fairly often, but I always arrived at the answer that figuring it out had to be better than never knowing. I continued to search forums on the internet in the mornings and look at pictures of places in the area, trying to find something I felt connected with.

And Bella? Oh God, living with Bella was becoming more difficult with each passing day. I was so attracted to her, I swear I got a hard-on every time I looked at her, much less if she touched me in any way. She was gorgeous, and as the weather got warmer and she started wearing less and less clothing, it got harder and harder not to try to see what was under that skimpy tank top or those too-short shorts that she liked to wear. I tried to focus on figuring out who I was and what I was going to do next, but instead, I often found myself fantasizing about what life would be like if I stayed here with Bella. As much as I hated to admit it to myself, the prospect was becoming more and more appealing.

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I startled awake, a dull pain surfacing in my ribcage from the motion. My ribs weren't painful anymore unless I moved without thinking, as I usually did when waking up. I glanced over at the clock and realized that the sound that had probably woken me was the front door closing. It was eight thirty, and Bella had just left for work. She had been letting me sleep in the mornings lately—the circles under my eyes must have tipped her off that I wasn't sleeping very well. And the thought of Bella did nothing to improve the state in which I woke: morning wood. I got up from the bed and limped down the hall for a shower.

As the steaming hot water poured over me, I thought about the last few days—between my desperation over my unchanging mental state and the constant battle against my growing attraction for Bella, I was wound tighter than a snare drum. I glanced down at my erection, wishing that my mind could convince my body that this wasn't a good idea, that she deserved better than me. But the fact was, I couldn't convince my body of that—hell, half the time I couldn't even keep my mind convinced of that.

I needed some relief.

Just once, I reasoned, if I just let off some steam, maybe I wouldn't be so high-strung all the time. Just once, and maybe I wouldn't get hard every single time I saw a flash of Bella's midriff or stared at the curve of her breasts. I heaved a groan of frustration as I took myself in hand.

I began a slow up-and-down rhythm, figuring with how long it had been, I'd go off like a firecracker in thirty seconds, but my body wanted more than that…and so did my mind. As I squeezed a bit on the downstroke, a rumble of pleasure ripped through my chest, and suddenly, it was Bella's hand pumping me. I threw my head back as the imaginary Bella stroked faster and her other hand reached down to cup and knead my balls.

"Yes, fuck…" I panted, a smile playing across my face as I responded to her.

A trail of pre-cum leaked from the tip of my aching cock, and Bella ran her fingers through it, spreading it over my length on the next downstroke, creating a satiny wet sensation that almost drove me over the edge. As I leaned into the running water, my hand moved ever faster, my shoulders finding the back wall of the shower as the Bella in my head bent low over me.

And suddenly, it was her mouth on me, my fingers making a tight circle around my engorged head, mimicking the swirl of her tongue. She concentrated on the ridge, swirling over and over, focusing in on that one intensely sensitive area as I groaned my pleasure with each twist and turn.

"Oh Bella… Jesus!" I swore as the tension built deliciously in my groin, hurtling to the point of no return like a freight train.

I drew a rough breath as Bella took me all the way in, my hand squeezing down my length as I felt my balls pull upward almost painfully. On the upstroke, a raw sound of pleasure tore from me as lights exploded behind by eyes, cum exploding from my rigidly hard cock in spurts of almost unbearable pleasure.

I braced my hand on the back wall of the shower for support, gasping for breath. Wow, it _must_ have been a long time for me to get that worked up over my own hand. As the last tingles of pleasure receded, I realized that instead of making things better, my little Bella fantasy had made them a thousand times worse. _Goddammit._

I put myself together, and Mike picked me up for work before ten. It was an uneventful day, and I caught the bus to the hospital at four o'clock for my weekly appointment with Dr. Weber. My sessions with her had become easier now that I had been out of the hospital a while and I was accomplishing some things for myself, but it was a good way to remind myself of my goals to get my memory back and figure out where I belonged.

We talked about my week and how things were going at work, but inevitably, the conversation turned to my memory, or lack thereof.

"I can't help but be frustrated, Dr. Weber. It's been more than three months now, and other than my name, I really haven't gotten anything back."

"These things take time, Edward, but I think it's also time that you consider the possibility that this may never change."

"What?" I exclaimed. I knew that was a possibility, but did she mean to suggest that I give up so soon?

"Your injury will continue to heal, but the fact that you haven't had any short-term memory lapses in a number of weeks makes me think that the majority of your healing has already taken place. You may get your memory back in time, but I think it's been long enough since the injury that you should think about what you're going to do if it doesn't come back. Have you thought about any longer-term plans, assuming things stay as they are?"

"No," I admitted. I had imagined staying with Bella, but I had always thought of it abstractly—a "what if" that would never really be. I realized that in my head, I had always made the assumption that my memory would return and I'd be able to go find my old life. But what if that happened a year from now, or five years, or never? Was I going to work at Olympic Outfitters and live with Bella until then?

"Edward," Dr. Weber called, snapping me out of my reverie. "Don't second-guess what you've already accomplished or think that you need to immediately move on from where you are. I was more suggesting that you need to consider living for now and making plans based on what you know now, rather than waiting for a day that might never come."

"I understand," I said distractedly, still trying to grapple with the thought that this might be it.

"I'm sorry. I wish that I could help you more," she said sympathetically. "Think about what I've said, and we can discuss it further next week, okay?"

I nodded my head, my mind still turning over all that she'd said. Fuck. I had been happy with the way things were going, but now I realized that they weren't truly going anywhere. What if this was it? What if I never found out who my family was and where I grew up?

By the time I got out to the parking lot, I was officially brooding. I didn't want to think about not getting my memory back anymore, but I couldn't seem to get away from it.

Just then, Jasper came walking up. He stopped dead when he saw the look on my face. "Dude, who pissed in your oatmeal?"

I glanced up at him, and he raised his hands in self-defense.

"Bad day," I muttered as we got in his car.

"I know what you need," he said persuasively. "What you need is a drink. Do you wanna grab some dinner and a few beers at Tyler's with me? Bella and Alice are having dinner tonight, so I know you don't have anyone to go home to either."

Anyone to go home to… I almost corrected him, but the thought of going home to Bella was a pleasant one…until I remembered that I didn't really have a home and what would Bella want with me anyway? Yep, definitely not a good night to sit home alone in Bella's apartment.

"Sure, let's do it," I told Jasper.

We got a table and ordered some burgers. I took a long pull from my beer the moment the waitress put it in front of me.

"That bad?" Jasper asked, picking up his own beer casually.

I thought about it for a moment. I wasn't much into sharing, but Jasper wouldn't have asked if he didn't want to hear about it.

"Dr. Weber told me there's a good chance that I won't ever get my memory back."

Jasper's eyes widened. "Dude, that's…I'm sorry. I don't even have words for how much that sucks."

"Yeah," I agreed, taking another healthy swig from my beer bottle.

"It kinda makes you wonder, though," he mused. "Why did this happen to you, and why did you end up here?"

"Fuck if I know," I answered. "Does there need to be a reason? Maybe shit just happens."

"Nah. You just don't know what the reason is yet, but you'll figure it out eventually," he said, his expression unreadable.

I just shrugged and finished my beer. "Ready for another?" I asked him.

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**Bella**

It was late. I'd had a long, trying therapy session with Mrs. Cope, one of my stroke patients, and I had been wiped out at the end of it. I was tired, and all I'd wanted to do was go home, but I'd made plans earlier in the week to have dinner with Alice that night, and there was no standing up Alice. Dinner had led to a few drinks afterward, and it had been ten o'clock before I realized that I hadn't told Edward I'd be so late, so I excused myself and hurried home.

As I unlocked the door, I could hear that the TV was on, a bit loudly. I could see Edward's copper brown hair sticking up over the back of the couch, and on the end table, I saw my bottle of Johnnie Walker, now mostly empty. What the fuck?!

I closed the door behind me and walked over to the end table, dropping my keys next to the bottle. Edward jumped and turned his brilliant jade eyes to meet mine, a blissful grin plastered on his face. His eyes were glassy. I could tell that it took him a moment to focus in on my face. He was completely three sheets to the wind, unless I missed my guess.

"Well hello, Bella. What took you so long?" he slurred, his grin widening as his eyes raked up and down my scrub-clad form.

"Edward, are you…drunk?" I inquired, pretty sure that I already knew the answer.

He looked down at his chest curiously, as if the answer were written there, then swung his head back up to look at me, wobbling a little as he met my eyes. "Yes…without a doubt."

I huffed in exasperation. This was the last thing that I wanted after the day I'd had. But I couldn't help smirking despite myself, unable to deny the power of his smug grin. I hadn't seen him smile like that in…well, ever. He was more relaxed than I'd ever seen him. It was entirely possible that he was even more gorgeous drunk than sober, and the come-hither look on his face sent a thrill down my spine and heat blooming between my legs. I shook my head to clear it.

"Come on. Let's put you to bed, then," I told him, reaching my arms out, palms up, so he could grasp my hands.

He swiveled unsteadily on the couch so that his feet touched the floor. He squinted in the direction of my hands and reached upward, grabbing my right, but missing my left by a mile. I reached down and captured his right hand and pulled with all my might. He was still for a moment, then popped up suddenly, all his weight resting on his uninjured leg. It was too much force, and he crashed into me as he overcompensated, his crotch pressing against my thigh. I felt his hard length grind against me, and it was all I could do not to groan aloud.

He _did_ groan aloud, completely aware of what had just happened, and brought his lips within an inch of mine. I could smell the smoky, orange-tinted flavor of the scotch on his breath, and my heart raced as I inhaled, longing to taste the flavor from his lips. Oh my God, _how_ was I going to keep my hands and my lips off of him as I put him to bed? I squeezed my eyes shut and turned my chin away, positioning my shoulder underneath his so that I could support him down the hallway.

He looked disappointed, but he allowed me to lead him slowly back toward the bedroom. I didn't bother flipping on the lights, since I was planning to just help him lie down on the bed and leave, but as we got to the side of the bed, he turned in toward me and brought his hand up to caress my cheek.

"Bella," he whispered softly, and suddenly, his lips were covering mine and I could taste the sweet orange flavor I had been imagining just moments ago.

He moved his lips, running his tongue along my bottom lip to deepen the kiss, and I opened to him completely. Our tongues entwined and danced in unison as my hands tangled in the soft hair on the back of his neck, and his arms wound around my lower back, pressing me to him tightly.

I moaned into his mouth as I felt his straining erection grind up against me. Wetness coated my thighs as I imagined the heat and fullness of having him inside me. I felt his arms leave my back, and I whimpered at the loss of contact until I realized that his hands were making their way up under my scrubs, one in back to open my bra strap and one in front to capture the prize as he made short work of the hooks and eyes. And then his hands were on my breasts, squeezing and rolling my nipples until they hardened, as I gasped against his mouth, distracted from our passionate kiss. One of my hands left his hair, and he groaned loudly as I pressed it against his denim-covered length, moving slowly up and down to create the friction I knew he was craving. He pulled back and looked into my eyes then, his gaze sultry and inviting as he angled me back toward the mattress.

I went willingly, climbing onto the bed and helping him to lay flat, his brace making things awkward and difficult as he tried to angle toward me, his hands never leaving my breast and hips. I pushed his shoulder back down to the mattress, capturing his lips in a deep and sensuous kiss as my hand again found his rock hard length. But something was wrong, because I didn't hear or feel him respond to my touch and his lips softened against mine. I moved back an inch or two, and he breathed out heavily, his head rolling slightly to the side. Jesus H. Christ! Did he just pass out on me, right in the middle of…!?

I sat back, my hand rubbing my forehead as I chuckled at the irony. He was finally willing enough to notice what was going on between us, but he was clearly not able to follow through. We just couldn't seem to catch a break, could we?

I leaned over and kissed him softly on the forehead, and he mumbled in his sleep as I stared at the perfection before me. I covered him with the blanket that had been folded up on the end of the bed and then quietly left the room.

As I folded out the couch, my mind went into overdrive thinking about the next morning. What would he think about what had happened between us? Would he pass it off as nothing and claim that his beer goggles had gotten the best of him? I wouldn't believe it if he did—I knew there was more going on here than that, and I was pretty sure he did too. But was it more than lust that I saw in his eyes? I thought so, but I couldn't be sure.

I decided that I would be honest with him and tell him how I felt about him. He was kind and gentle, sweet and loving, and the feelings I had for him were beyond friendship. I didn't know if he would or even could return my feelings, but I was willing to take the risk that he couldn't, just to give him the knowledge that he was someone worth caring about. He needed that more than anything else right now.

I fell into an uneasy sleep, dreaming that I was chasing someone, but was never quite able to catch them.

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A/N: Posting a day early, because I'll be at the Renaissance Faire tomorrow…

drotuno said it best:

Dear Mr. Johnnie Walker, thanks for the cockblock. No love, EVERYONE!

But something finally happened between them and she's going to tell him how she feels! YAY! At long last, we've finally gotten to what I consider to be "the good stuff". I've been waiting to share this with you for so long! So everyone buckle up, because it's gonna be an eventful week. Chapters on Tuesday and Thursday!


	12. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11**

**Edward**

I awoke to pounding in my head, and it took me a few minutes to realize that it wasn't just _inside_ my head, but also out of it. The smart rap on the door was followed by a concerned, "Edward?"

I rubbed my hand over my face groggily, having no idea was what going on. My mouth felt as if it was lined with cotton, and the pounding in my head increased to a piercing agony as I raised myself on my elbows. I flopped down again, jarring my ribs in the process, and swore colorfully under my breath.

A second rap on the door made me jump. "Yes?" I answered hoarsely.

"Can I come in?"

I looked down and noted that I was still in the clothes that I'd worn yesterday, but at least I was decent.

"Sure."

The door opened slowly and Bella timidly peeked around it at me. For some reason, she looked distinctly uncomfortable.

"What time is it?" I mumbled, still trying to get my bearings.

"It's nearly ten. I thought you could use some more water and some Tylenol," she said as she crossed the room to stand over me on the side of the bed.

"Um, why?"

"You don't remember?" she asked incredulously.

"Remember what?" I still didn't know what was going on, but I had a bad feeling about it all of a sudden.

"You don't remember _anything_ that happened last night?" she repeated.

Now I was starting to get panicky…and irritable. "No, so could you please just fucking tell me?" I snapped, a little more harshly than I'd intended.

Her eyes flashed a bit, but she maintained her composure. "Well, you decided to have a little party of your own before I got home, and you were pretty lit by the time I got here."

My eyes widened as I stared at her. "Oh Christ, Bella, I'm sorry! I hope I wasn't too much trouble!"

A range of emotions seemed to wash across her face—anger, relief, confusion—but she settled on anger. "What the hell were you thinking? You're still taking codeine! You could have killed yourself!"

"I don't—"

"Nevermind! Just take these and I'll see you in the kitchen!" she yelled, thrusting the pills and the glass into my hands as she turned on her heel and stomped off, slamming the door behind her.

I took the Tylenol and gratefully sipped the water as I tried to remember anything from yesterday. I remembered my awful therapy session, where Dr. Weber had told me that it was possible that I'd never get my memory back. I remembered Jasper picking me up, and being depressed and pissed off. He had asked me to go out for a beer after work and I'd gone. I remembered that the more I drank, the more I didn't care about Dr. Weber's revelation, or my previous life…or pretty much anything. The last thing I could recall was Jasper dropping me off home and then finding that bottle of scotch in the kitchen cabinet…

Shit, and what had Bella found when she came home last night? I really hoped I hadn't been a complete asshole. I had no idea what kind of drunk I was, so when she calmed down, I'd have to try to persuade her to tell me.

I sighed heavily and pulled myself up into a sitting position, adjusting my knee brace before heading for the shower.

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**Bella**

I slammed the door and marched down the hallway, not stopping until I reached the kitchen. This apartment was nowhere _near_ big enough, because it only took me five seconds to get there. I leaned against the counter, thumping my head back on the cabinet.

That hadn't gone at all as I'd expected, and I was sure it showed. I was prepared to tell him that I cared for him as more than a friend, that I wanted to explore what we could be together. I was not prepared for him not to remember a goddamn thing from the night that I thought would change everything!

And now, I was sure that he was going to ask me exactly what happened last night. And what should I tell him? The truth?!

_Actually, Edward, we made out like chimpanzees in heat, and when you passed out, I was one grope away from letting you fuck me senseless. _

I buried my hands in my hair as I realized that I would have to lie. There was no way that I was going to tell him my feelings like this, and he would be incredibly embarrassed to find out that he'd come on to me and didn't remember. No, this was not an adventure that I wanted to have, and only I had the power to see that both of us avoided it. Yes, I would have to lie.

Edward chose that moment to peek his head cautiously out of the hallway, trying to gauge my mood before committing to entering the kitchen. I glanced at him, quickly removing my fingers from my hair. My look must have convinced him it was safe, because he limped forward.

He didn't look at me, clearly upset with himself about…what? I knew in an instant. I couldn't let him believe _that_, even if I did want him to be upset with himself right now.

"It's not necessarily what you think," I told him, and he stopped mid-stride to stare at me in confusion. "One of the main side effects of combining codeine and alcohol is memory loss."

He paused for a moment, and I could almost feel the mood in the room lighten as relief washed over him. Clearly he had been furious that he'd had another memory lapse caused by his injury.

"Augh, remind me not to drink like that again," he told me, clutching the table for balance as he moved toward the fridge.

"No problem," I responded airily.

He glanced at me surreptitiously. "So…what happened last night?"

"Well, I came home and found you sitting on the couch, and I helped you down the hallway and into bed because you were a little unsteady." _…and horny as hell._

As I was speaking, he straightened up from rummaging in the fridge to look at me, and I hurriedly looked away as I finished talking, eager to escape his gaze.

"And?" he prompted.

"And what?" I replied a little nervously.

"And…" he said, batting his eyelashes at me, "you're a very poor liar. I think you're not telling me everything."

Flabbergasted, I completely forgot about the pretense I was supposed to be keeping. "How the hell do you know that?"

"Well, you looked away too quickly. If you want someone to believe you when you're lying, never break eye contact first."

"But how…"

"Bella, once you've been taught how to lie effectively, it's easy to—"

"Someone taught you how to lie?" I interrupted.

He paused, his brow furrowing in confusion. "Um…I don't know. I was just talking and not really thinking about what I was saying, and—"

"—and that was your memory working without you thinking about it," I finished for him.

He looked down. I knew exactly what he was thinking, but this didn't necessarily mean what he thought it did.

"Knowing how to lie, and how to tell people are lying, could mean you were a cop or something," I suggested, trying to lead him away from the darker possibilities.

He grinned at me gratefully, but then it faded. "It's possible, but I don't think so. If I were a cop, don't you think that someone would have come looking for me by now?"

I frowned a bit and cocked my head. He had a point. What _did_ it mean, then? I just knew it couldn't mean that he was some sort of criminal, but I didn't have any other ideas. At least we were done talking about last night. I may be a poor liar, but I was excellent at diverting the conversation…

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**Edward**

I never did get Bella to tell me what happened the night that I was drunk, but I strongly suspected there was more to it than she had told me. But everything went back to normal between us, so I decided to just let it go.

I thought about what Dr. Weber had said, but I just wasn't ready to accept that I might never get my life back. The weight of evidence that I had a life I wouldn't want to remember seemed to be growing, though. Knowing my way around guns and hand-to-hand combat, and now having been taught how to lie to people—all of it seemed to point in a direction that was shady at best, and downright criminal at worst. Maybe it was better if I just let go and started over. As the days went by, I tried to adjust myself to the idea and to begin to think about a backup plan.

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A few weeks later, Mike dropped me off at Charlie's one evening, since we were having dinner there that night. It was a Wednesday, but Charlie had persuaded us to come over and grill with them since the weather had been so nice that week. Emmett should have already been home from work, and Bella and Charlie would be arriving shortly. I went to the front door and knocked, but I got no answer. Emmett must not be home yet. I decided to go around back and sit at the picnic table in the yard. It was much more comfortable than sitting on the stairs, and I would be able to see them through the kitchen window when they got home.

I walked around the house, and as I approached the fence, I saw Emmett crouched down against the back corner of the shed, as if he were hiding from someone, one of Charlie's 9 mms clutched in his hand. My eyes widened and my heart rose to my throat as I saw the naked terror in his eyes.

He had seen me, so I only had a few seconds or he'd know that I was calling someone. I could have called 911, but my instinct told me that this was really serious, and sirens and strangers would drive him over the edge. I quickly pulled out my cell phone and dialed Bella's number, turning the volume up and leaving the line open on mute, hoping she'd be able to hear us. I dropped the phone back into my pocket and let myself through the fence gate.

"Emmett, man, what's the matter?" I said, walking slowly toward him.

I got about ten feet away, and he raised the gun and pointed it at me with shaking hands. I put my own hands out in front of me to tell him I meant no harm, and I sat down on the ground where I was. He lowered the barrel a little, staring at me with fear in his eyes.

I tried again. "Tell me what happened, Emmett. Why are you out here?"

He swallowed, taking a quick breath. "They're after me…maybe they won't find me here…"

"Who is, Emmett?"

"I don't know. The ones who were following me before, they're going to kill me!" He crouched even closer to the wall, bringing the gun up to his chest.

_Oh boy._ I wasn't entirely sure, but my best guess was that Emmett had stopped taking his meds and he was talking about the people who'd been after him when they found him after his psychotic break at school. Best to go along with him for now.

"They can't have found you here. That was a long time ago," I told him.

"Yes, they have. They followed me home from work. I saw them."

Again, I didn't argue with him. "Did anything different happen at work today? Has work been going okay?" I asked, trying to figure out where this was coming from.

"Nah, I didn't see them until after work. I don't think they were there. Work's been going great since I stopped taking those damn pills the doc gave me."

And there it was. I hoped Bella had heard us on her phone and that she and Charlie would approach the house cautiously. I knew something similar had happened to Emmett before, but he hadn't been armed then.

"Emmett, I can help you hide from them. Will you come with me?" I asked, extending my hand out toward him as I slowly moved to stand up.

He stood too, but the look in his eyes turned hostile. "Maybe you're one of them," he said, training the gun on my chest. "Maybe they sent you to live with Bella to fool me, and now they've sent you to get me."

Oh _fuck_, I hadn't seen that one coming! I could feel the sweat trickling down the back of my neck as I frantically tried to come up with a way to convince him I wasn't one of the bad guys.

"I'll make this quick and painless," he said.

Suddenly, I was on the ground in the forest, hearing those same words said to me by someone else. I grabbed the side of the shed for support as the memory took me and pain lanced through my head, but I couldn't let myself go there now. I had to stay in the present with Emmett. I shook my head to clear it, opening my eyes to find Emmett staring at me wide-eyed, the barrel of the gun still pointed toward me.

"Edward?" he said uncertainly. Whatever he'd seen on my face when I'd checked out for a moment had been enough to completely distract him from shooting me. For the first time, I was thankful for my fucked-up memory.

"It's possible," I said, using the only strategy I could think of to convince him. "I can't remember who I am, so I don't really know why I'm here. But Bella trusts me. She's sure I'm not one of the bad guys, even though I'm not so sure myself. Do you trust her judgment?"

"Yes…" he said tentatively. "She's the only one I trust."

"Then I can't be here to hurt you," I concluded, taking a tentative step toward him. He didn't notice, but now he turned the gun toward himself.

"They're never going to stop coming," he said desperately. I could see the pistol shaking in his grasp as he held it against his chest, the barrel aimed just under his chin.

"Emmett, let me help you," I said urgently, taking another step forward. "You're not alone in this. We can figure this out together. You don't need to do this."

"I…I don't _want_ to," he said miserably, and I could see the unshed tears in his eyes. "But…but there's no other way," he said more decisively, bringing his other hand up to steady the gun.

I started to panic as I realized that I was losing this battle—he was really going to do it. I didn't know what else to say to him, and I knew I was almost out of time. Just then, I heard the fence gate open and Emmett's eyes snapped from me to the source of the sound. Without thinking, I lunged forward and grabbed the gun with both hands, the weapon discharging into the ground to my left as I brought my right shoulder into Emmett's chest, wrenching the gun from his hands. We both fell backwards into the fence, and Charlie appeared out of nowhere, grabbing Emmett's other shoulder and forcing him to the ground. I flicked the safety on the 9 mil and skidded it a few feet across the ground, coming to my knees to help Charlie to restrain Emmett. He fought us until the paramedics arrived a few minutes later and sedated him. As Emmett's arms relaxed, I felt Charlie's hands under my armpits as he helped me to my feet.

"Are you all right, son?" he said, looking me up and down before returning his gaze to Emmett.

I was still shaky and hyperventilating from the adrenaline, but other than that, I thought I was okay. "Yeah, yeah, I'm fine," I told him, as he grabbed my shoulder and squeezed.

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**Bella**

I was on my way out of the PT clinic when my phone rang, and when I looked at the caller ID, I was surprised to see that it was Edward. "Hi, Edward. Is everything okay?" I said, but he didn't answer. I was about to hang up when I heard his voice, which sounded quiet and muffled.

"_Tell me what happened, Emmett. Why are you out here?"_

"_They're after me…maybe they won't find me here…"_

"_Who is, Emmett?"_

"_I don't know. The ones who were following me before, they're going to kill me!" _

Oh…my…God. I raced back into the clinic, launching myself at the desk phone and dialing my dad's number while still gripping my cell phone.

"Bella?"

"Dad, call the paramedics and get home right now! Emmett's had another break or something, and Edward's with him," I yelled into the phone, my panic making me barely understandable.

"Slow down, Bella…"

"We don't have time! Edward just called me, and I can hear him and Emmett talking, and Emmett said that someone's going to kill him. We have to get there _right now_!" I screamed, and I heard my Dad curse into the phone.

"Okay, Bella. I'm calling and I'm going right now. If you get there before me, _don't approach the house_, do you hear me? If Emmett's armed, this could be dangerous."

"Okay, just _hurry_, okay?" I said desperately, hanging up the phone and tearing out of the clinic. I don't know how I got into my car and on the road, but the next thing I knew, I was almost home and I realized that I wasn't even listening to my cell phone, although I hadn't hung up the call.

"_I can't remember who I am, so I don't really know why I'm here. But Bella trusts me. She's sure I'm not one of the bad guys, even though I'm not so sure myself. Do you trust her judgment?"_

"_Yes…she's the only one I trust." _

"_Then I can't be here to hurt you."_

My heart froze in my chest as I listened to both of them—Edward admitting he wasn't sure he was a good guy, and Emmett admitting I was the only one he trusted. I had to get there _now_. I drove faster, screeching the car to a halt in front of the house and bounding out before the engine had stopped. I heard the gunshot as I rounded the corner and I saw Edward rip the gun from Emmett's hands and toss it onto the ground before helping my dad hold Emmett down. I was rooted to the spot. I couldn't process what I was seeing before me, and the next thing I knew, time restarted as the paramedics walked by me and I raced across the lawn. I couldn't get to Emmett since the paramedics had surrounded him, so I ran toward Edward.

He was standing a few feet from Emmett, my dad standing with him and gripping him by the shoulder. I crashed into him, almost knocking us both down, and held on to his heaving chest for dear life. He was gasping, taking in great lungfuls of air as he tried to steady himself, but other than that, he seemed unharmed. It took him a moment, but he returned my hug and held on to me as tightly as I was holding him as we turned to look at Emmett.

He lay on the ground peacefully now. The medication the paramedics had given him had sedated him thoroughly. I buried my head in Edward's chest, the tears finally coming, and he held me and soothed me, resting his head on mine as his breathing slowed.

"Shh…shh…Bella, it's all right," he comforted, still holding me close. He lifted his head and addressed my dad. "He must have stopped taking his meds a few weeks ago. He had said his job was going better since he'd stopped taking them."

My dad's eyes hardened, but he didn't comment. "Did he want to hurt you, or himself?" he asked woodenly.

"At first, he wanted to hurt whoever was chasing him, and then he thought I was one of them, and then he turned the gun on himself. Your timing couldn't have been better, Charlie. I was running out of ideas when you showed up."

"Thank God I made it in time. Thank you, Edward, I…I don't know what to say," my dad said, his eyes watery with emotion.

"I'm just glad I found him in time, and I hope he's going to be okay," Edward said simply, holding me a little tighter.

By then, the paramedics had loaded Emmett unto a gurney and were preparing to take him to the hospital. When they began moving, the three of us followed, and Edward kept his arm around my shoulders as we walked.

Suddenly, my dad turned toward us. "Bella, can you head to the hospital with Emmett? I'm going to have to deal with this…" He gestured back toward the gun on the ground and the other two officers who I hadn't even noticed until that moment.

"Sure, Dad," I said shakily.

"Come on, Bella. I'll drive you there," Edward offered, steering me toward the truck with his arm.

He took me to the passenger side and opened the door for me, making sure I was seated and belted in before heading for the driver's side. As he drove, he kept a hand on my knee, squeezing it gently when he heard me sniffling.

"Are you sure you're all right?" I asked him.

"Yes, I'm fine, honestly. I'm just glad that Emmett didn't manage to hurt himself," he replied, glancing over at me. "Are _you_ all right?" he countered, rubbing his hand over my knee.

"I'm just…sad. I thought that Emmett was doing so well, and it just breaks my heart that he's going to have to deal with this for the rest of his life."

Edward's eyes darkened and he ducked his head. I suspected that part of the connection he felt with my brother involved the fact that neither of them could trust their own minds, so seeing Emmett taken down like this couldn't be easy. I laid my hand over his on my knee, and we rode in silence the rest of the way.

When we got to the hospital, they were in the process of getting Emmett admitted, I so began filling out the mountain of paperwork while Edward went and got us some coffee. Essentially, there was nothing to do but wait. Once Emmett got a room, they began giving him antipsychotic meds by IV, but the heavy sedative they'd given him in the field wouldn't wear off until sometime the next day.

We got dinner that no one was really interested in eating from the hospital cafeteria, but at least by the time we got back, we were allowed to go in and see Emmett.

As I walked into the room and saw him lying there, it immediately took me back to the first time this had happened, when his friends had found him hiding in a ditch, convinced that someone was trying to kill him. My eyes welled up and overflowed as I gingerly took his hand and held it in both of mine. A moment later, I felt strong hands on my shoulders, stroking gently, and I leaned my head back on his chest without even thinking about it. And that was when I realized that it wasn't my dad, but Edward behind me. I froze for a second, but then I again relaxed against him. I had wanted this kind of closeness with Edward, but right now, I was so wrapped up in Emmett that I just couldn't process it, and I needed the comfort.

Edward let me go and brought a chair to the side of the bed, and I sat down gratefully, still clutching Emmett's hand. I laid my head on the side of the bed and listened to Edward and Dad talking quietly on the couch behind me…and the next thing I knew, I woke to the sound of the door opening. I was lying on the couch in Emmett's hospital room, a pillow under my head and a blanket covering me. I sat up and looked around blearily as the nurse checked on Emmett, and she flashed me a sympathetic smile as she left. I must have fallen asleep at Emmett's bedside. I stood up and stretched, then walked over to check on Emmett before leaving to find a bathroom and some water.

As I stepped into the hallway, I glanced across to the waiting room and did a double take. Edward was sitting in one of the chairs, fast asleep, his head resting back against the wall. Oh my God, had he spent the night there? It looked like the most uncomfortable place imaginable. I walked over to him and shook him gently, and he startled awake.

"Bella…hi…" he said sleepily.

"Did you spend the night here?" I asked incredulously.

"Well, of course I did," he responded, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. "I wasn't going to leave you here alone. After you fell asleep, your dad and I put you on the couch, and then I sent him home. I went back to the apartment last night and got us some stuff," he said, nudging the bag on the floor with his foot. "Your toothbrush and fresh clothes are in there."

I stood and stared at him, a small smile on my face. How many guys would spend the night in a chair and go fetch things if their girlfriend's brother was in the hospital? Edward wasn't even my boyfriend, and to him, this seemed like the obvious thing to do. It was his turn to take care of me, and it was the sweetest thing I'd ever seen. I blushed as warmth spread through my chest, but it was more than that. I realized in that moment as I stood there, staring at this sweet and lost and broken man, that I truly loved him. I didn't care that he didn't have a home or a family to offer me, and I didn't care what he'd done in his past. He was kind and gentle and caring; he was everything I wanted, and more.

"What?" he said nervously, taking in the look on my face.

"Nothing," I replied. "Thank you so much for doing this. It really means a lot to me."

He just shrugged it off. "And how many things have you done for me?" he countered, and I could see that he was pleased that he could give me something back.

I chuckled and picked up the bag, telling him I'd be back shortly.

After we both freshened up, we sat with Emmett, waiting for him to come around. Poor Emmett! He was going to be so upset with himself when he woke up. Part of me was angry with him for stopping his meds, but I understood why he did it. I knew how hard losing his last job had been on him, and I guessed that he had convinced himself that if he could just keep up this time, it wouldn't happen again.

"Do you think he'll remember?" I asked as I gazed at Emmett's face, tranquil in sleep.

Edward smiled ruefully. "Yes, I think he will. He was pretty lucid when he was talking to me. He was paranoid and delusional, but he knew where he was and what he was doing." He stared at a spot on the floor and continued quietly, "This reminds me of when I was first here. The first time I woke up, I was pretty upset when I couldn't remember my name, so the next time, they had me restrained like this."

He hadn't ever spoken to me about those first few weeks in the hospital before I met him, and I could see in his eyes how hard and painful they had been. He had woken with no one to support him. At least Emmett had us to help him through this hard time. I thought again about how incredibly strong Edward was, even though he didn't know it. I knew I couldn't have made it through all that he had gone through and remained intact.

At that moment, Emmett began to stir, and Edward went to get the nurse as we'd been instructed to do when Emmett woke up.

I stroked my fingers gently over the back of Emmett's hand, and his eyes fluttered open, coming to rest on me.

"Bella? What…" he began, and then he glanced down at the restraints on his arms. "What did I do?" he asked, the sorrow and pain evident in his voice.

"You didn't hurt anyone," I reassured him. "You…had a bit of a breakdown yesterday and thought that someone was coming to kill you."

"I remember," he said, his eyes looking far away. "I…oh shit, I had Dad's 9 mil…and…fuck, please tell me that I didn't hurt Edward!"

"He's fine! You didn't hurt anyone. He's right outside. He went to get the nurse when you started waking up." I stood up and put my hand on his shoulder, not sure that he'd want me any closer right now.

"Oh Bella, I'm so fucking sorry! I just…I was so sick and tired of feeling like someone else, and I thought I could handle it…" He started to sob then, and I threw my arms around him and held on, the tears flowing down my face right along with his.

"Shh…shh…I know. Emmett, it's going to be okay. I love you, and together, we'll get you through this," I told him.

Just then, the nurse came through the door, Edward following close behind her. He stopped as he saw Emmett and me, suddenly looking unsure as to whether or not he should be there right now. Emmett's eyes flicked up to meet Edward's, and he tried to raise a hand to swipe at his face, but the restraints stopped him. He stared pointedly at the restraints and then at the nurse. I heard Edward chuckle softly.

"I remember doing that too," he told Emmett as the nurse removed the restraints. It was obvious that Emmett was calm now and not a danger to anyone.

Emmett pinched the bridge of his nose with his fingers, wiping away his tears in the process, then looked back up at Edward.

"Edward, man, I am _so_ sorry. I wasn't myself…"

Edward walked right up to the side of Emmett's bed. "No harm done, Emmett. It's okay. Trust me, I know what it's like to have your mind play tricks on you. You have nothing to apologize for."

Emmett looked at him gratefully. Edward held his fist out and Emmett bumped it. And it was as easy as that. I hadn't thought that Edward would hold it against Emmett or anything, but the ease and confidence with which he handled the situation impressed me. Edward didn't hesitate, and that was exactly what Emmett needed in order to believe that everything was okay. I smiled at Edward, and when he grinned in return, I felt the familiar twinge in my belly that that grin always evoked.

We spent the day at the hospital with Emmett. He seemed to be doing surprisingly well, given what had happened the day before. They would keep him for another day or two, though, to make sure that his meds were well-regulated, before releasing him. He would also have to go back into weekly counseling, to make sure that he stayed on his medication. He wasn't happy about it, but at least he didn't openly fight against the idea.

By suppertime, I was exhausted, and one look at Edward told me we both could use a hot meal and a good night's sleep. My dad was planning to spend the evening with Emmett, so we said our goodbyes and I told him I'd be back in the morning to see him.

I let Edward drive me home, and he convinced me to let him make us some spaghetti for dinner, and then he cleaned up while I lay on the couch. It was so relaxing to just lie there and watch Edward putter about the kitchen, and I couldn't help but imagine what it would be like for us to be a couple. Suddenly, the tears started falling, and I knew it was everything from the last few days and the fact that Edward had been so wonderful—he was everything I wanted in a man, and he was right here, but he belonged to somewhere else, and eventually, he would leave and I'd be alone again.

It was too much. I put my fist in front of my mouth to try to stifle the sobs, but Edward had already seen and he was bending down beside me before I had the chance to try to compose myself.

"Hey," he said softly, pulling me into a sitting position so he could sit beside me and put his arm around me.

His warmth and strength radiated into me, and every point where his skin touched mine crackled with electricity. I wanted him—right now, on the living room floor. I wanted to tell him how much I loved him, and I wanted him to say he loved me too. I wanted so many things—for him, for us—but I choked them all back and laid my head on his shoulder instead.

He held me as I sobbed quietly, letting the emotion of the last few days wash away with my tears. He didn't ask what was wrong, he didn't press me to talk to him—he just held me, which was exactly what I needed.

After a few moments, I cried myself out, and I was just about to lift by head from his shoulder when he put his hand under my chin, gently turning me so that I was looking into his fathomless green eyes. I saw love there, and need, as he moved his lips closer to mine. He closed his eyes then, and my heart raced as I realized he really was going to kiss me. And this time, he wasn't drunk—he was doing this because he truly wanted to, and he would remember.

I closed my eyes and our lips met, softly, gently, and I tried not to whimper as every part of me responded to him. As he began to explore my mouth, I brought my hand up to tangle in the hair at the nape of his neck, and I nearly jumped as his free hand gently stroked my hip. His tongue brushed against my lower lip, begging for entry, and I eagerly thrust into his mouth, pulling him closer.

Our hands began to explore each other as our tongues writhed together, but just then, my phone started to vibrate on the end table. Edward inhaled sharply, breaking the kiss, shock and fear in his eyes as what we had done hit home. He didn't look sorry, just…confused and unsure.

"You'd better answer that," he said quietly, trying to get his breathing under control.

I reached for my phone and saw that it was my dad, probably driving home from the hospital and wanting to give me an update on Emmett. By the time I answered the call, Edward had already gotten up from the couch and gone back to finish cleaning up the kitchen, and I cursed my dad for his incredibly poor timing. I talked to Dad long enough to find out that Emmett was doing fine and eager to go home, and then told him I'd come by tomorrow since I worked at the hospital on Fridays.

When I hung up the phone, I saw that Edward was standing near the kitchen table, watching me thoughtfully.

"Bella, I think we're both exhausted. Can we talk…tomorrow?" he asked, and he truly did look as tired as I felt.

"Of course we can," I said easily as I stood up, thrilled that we finally _had_ something to talk about going on between us.

He smiled shyly and walked over to me without hesitation, kissing me chastely on the lips before turning toward the bedroom. At the head of the hallway, he turned around to look at me one last time. "Good night, Bella," he said tenderly and with a small, sweet smile.

Tomorrow was going to be a pretty good day.

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A/N: Eeee…Emmett! Did you think he was going to shoot Edward? And Bella admitted to herself that she loves him! Yay! Looks like tomorrow's going to be a big day! But something major happened in this chapter, and I'm not talking about the kiss or Edward almost getting shot. Did you spot it?

So, I've set up a facebook group for my fics (there will be more than just HTF) so I can post some visuals for How to Forget, and maybe we can discuss things. I've made this a closed group, because some of the upcoming visuals will be...graphic. Come and hang out with us! Just search for "Shadow Fics" on facebook and you'll find us!

Thank you so much to whoever nominated me for the TwiFic Fandom Awards! I'm up for Favorite Newbie Author and HTF is up for Favorite Drop Everything Fic! Wow! That is SO awesome, and there are SO many fantastic authors and stories that are nominated-GO VOTE!


	13. Chapter 12

A/N: I don't usually associate music with my writing, but "Heavy in your Arms" by Florence and the Machine figured heavily in the writing of the next few chapters. The ride gets a little rough from here, folks.

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**Chapter 12**

**Edward**

I was still smiling as I closed the bedroom door. It had been a long day, but the ending had been spectacular. I hadn't intended to kiss Bella, but it seemed that we had both wanted it so badly that we just couldn't resist anymore. I hadn't exactly decided that I could be with her, but I found myself excited at the prospect of talking to her and finding out what she wanted. Dr. Weber was right. I had to face the possibility that my memory might never come back, and I had to start living for now. And right now, what I wanted most was to be with Bella. I knew I had nothing to offer her, but if tonight was any indication, that didn't seem to bother her, and I would try to give her the chance to make that choice for herself.

As I lay down, I thought back on what had happened with Emmett and the flashback I'd had when he was pointing the gun at me. I was glad that I'd remembered something else from that night, but "I'll make this quick and painless" didn't tell me anything I didn't already know. It was obvious that they had intended to kill me, but I still didn't know for sure if it was random, or someone I knew. I pushed the thought from my head and turned my mind to thoughts of talking with Bella tomorrow about how we felt about each other as I drifted off to sleep.

_I was on the ground, my cheek mashed into the forest floor, the scent of decaying leaves assaulting my nose. My chest was on fire, and I gasped as white hot agony shot through me as I tried to draw a shallow breath. I tried to roll onto my back, but my right knee exploded in pain the moment I tried to push my weight over. I fell back to the ground, the leaves crunching under my face._

"_Who is it, Edward?" he yelled. "Tell me now, and I'll make this quick and painless…well, quick anyway," he finished, savagely kicking my already broken ribs. _

"_Fuck you, I'm not telling you anything!" I wheezed out between hitching breaths._

"_I swear to God I'll track down every one of your army of pushers and bury them all if you don't give him up…"_

I launched myself forward, my ribs complaining sharply as I sat up, panting hard and trying to catch my breath. As I gasped for air, I could feel the tears streaming down my face. I didn't open my eyes, trying desperately to hold on to the words and images of the fading dream. It was the same as always, only this time, I could actually hear what they were saying. My mind struggled to wrap itself around the words, and the pain that came with the effort was almost more than I could bear. But this time, I remembered…

I played the words over in my head, and I stopped breathing as their meaning hit home. The attack on me was not random; the man who did this to me definitely knew me. And he wanted something from me: information. Who did he want to know about? I wouldn't tell him, and this guy was going to track down every one of my "army of pushers…"

Drugs...

I was a drug dealer.

Oh my fucking God, I was a drug dealer…

It clicked. Just as my name had clicked when Bella had first said it, I instantly knew this was the truth. I inhaled sharply. Even though I'd suspected something like this all along, I realized that I wasn't at all prepared for it to be true. That's why no one had come looking for me—I was a low life. Where had my life gone wrong that I'd ended up like this? What choices had I made to land myself in that forest, about to be killed because I wouldn't give up someone else? My head was spinning, and I tasted bile as I fought to control my roiling stomach. I had to know more. I had to know who I was and what had led me to that forest.

I battered myself against the dark void in my memory, desperate for answers. I could feel the pain mounting in my head as I replayed the memory/dream over and over, my breath coming in harsh gasps until I knew no more…

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**Bella**

I awoke on Friday morning, eager to push through the day so that Edward and I could have our talk this evening. It seemed that he was ready to admit how he felt about me, and I was more than ready to tell him I wanted to be more than friends.

I dressed and got ready quickly, planning to pass through the kitchen for a Pop-Tart and coffee on my way out the door, but something made me stop outside the bedroom. I hesitated, then opened the door a crack, wanting to see his beautiful face lost in sleep to start off my day.

Edward startled at that moment, groaning in pain, his hand pressing into his forehead forcefully. He turned onto his side, and I could see that his face was as white as a sheet, a fine sheen of sweat coating his brow.

"Edward, are you all right?" I asked in alarm, taking a few quick steps toward the bed.

His eyes snapped open at the sound of my voice, but he closed them immediately, taking harsh, rapid breaths. "I'm going to be sick," he announced as he struggled to untangle himself from the sheets.

I quickly snapped up the bedroom trash can and managed to get it under his chin just as he began retching. He grabbed the can I held with one hand to steady himself, and he wrapped his other arm around his ribcage, trying to support his still-tender ribs through his violent heaving. When he was finished, he fell back on the bed weakly, immediately curling up on his side to face me, one hand gripping his forehead.

"Dammit," he swore, his face scrunched against the pain, still as white as the sheets covering him.

"I'll go get you some water and meds," I told him. "Will you be okay until I get back?"

"Yes," he whispered through clenched teeth, and I hurried from the room.

He took the meds willingly when I came back, drinking as little water as he could manage in an effort to keep the pills down.

"Can I get you anything else?" I asked him, still a bit frightened by the way the migraines completely sidelined him.

"Can you call Mike and tell him I won't be in? Other than that, I just need to try to sleep," he muttered, curling even tighter into himself.

"Of course," I told him, leaving the bedroom door open as I left the room. There was no way I was leaving him alone today, so I called both Mike and Jasper to tell them what had happened, and I called my dad to say that I wouldn't make it to the hospital to visit Emmett.

I puttered around the apartment for the better part of the day, gently waking Edward every few hours and pressing him to at least drink some water and take more meds before going back to sleep.

Saturday passed in much the same way, and by evening, I was on the phone with Alice, a bit frantic about Edward's lack of improvement.

"If he's still in pain by tomorrow evening, take him to the ER," she told me. "Seventy-two hours is the upper range for migraines, so as long as it goes away before then, he should be fine."

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**Edward**

"Edward?"

I startled awake as Bella touched my arm, and for the first time in I didn't know how long, my head wasn't throbbing. I was actually content for a moment as I gazed at Bella, until I remembered what had brought on the migraine in the first place.

I nearly flinched away from the words echoing in my head, but Bella was watching me intently, so I forced myself to keep still.

"Feeling a bit better?" she asked tentatively.

"Yes," I replied groggily. "What time is it?"

"Ten a.m.…on Sunday," she told me, and I stared at her in disbelief.

"Fuck! More than two days?!" This was by far the worst migraine I'd ever had. I knew I had brought it on myself, but I was still surprised by the intensity with which my mind fought back against my attempts to uncover its secrets. I ran my fingers through my hair, wishing that Bella would just go away and leave me to my misery, but I knew that after this long in bed, there was no way that she'd just leave me here.

"You have to be starving," she began.

I nodded, unable to look at her. For the last two days, I'd been hurting so badly that I could think of nothing else, but now my head was again spinning from the little knowledge I'd gained about my past.

"Do you want me to make you something?" she asked hopefully. "I can make you a sandwich and bring it in here…"

"No, that's all right. I've been lying here too long as it is. Can you…give me a few minutes?" I asked, still looking anywhere but her eyes.

"Oh, of course," she replied, sounding a little embarrassed as she backed out of the room.

I fisted my hair, wishing that I'd not remembered anything. How ironic that a few weeks ago, I'd drunk myself blind over the fact that I might never remember, and now, all I wanted was to forget the one thing I'd managed to get back. And I knew for certain that it was true—even though I hadn't remembered anything other than the words my would-be killer had uttered in the forest. I knew it as surely as I knew my name was Edward.

I was _so_ disappointed in myself, I couldn't even think clearly. Every time I tried to come up with reasons for how I could have ended up a dealer, my mind flinched away from the mere thought. I just couldn't take it. Christ, had I been an addict too? I didn't have tracks on my arms, so I didn't think I'd handled anything injectable, but there were lots of things to deal and be addicted to that left no visible traces.

The weight of who I was felt like it was crushing me. It was like when I'd first woken up in the hospital—I could feel the pain and tightness in my chest every time I took a breath. I had no idea how to deal with this.

And now I had to go and face Bella. I couldn't even face myself, I had no idea how I was going to tolerate her eyes on me, let alone her doing anything to help me. But if I didn't go out there soon, she would surely be back in here to see why I hadn't gotten up.

I sat up slowly, the room spinning and tilting so much that I had to close my eyes. This was not a good sign. When I finally felt like the motion had stopped, I opened my eyes and slid to the edge of the bed. I was pretty good at walking without my knee brace on now, but I had a feeling I wasn't going to be very steady on my feet today, so I closed my eyes and gingerly leaned over and snatched it off the floor.

When I finally eased off the bed, I was hit with a wave of dizziness and ended up having to grab the dresser for support. Oh yeah, not good. Not eating for more than two days and probably being dehydrated had definitely done a number on me. I staggered down the hallway, leaning my shoulder into the wall for support and balance as I went.

Bella jumped up immediately when she saw me and came over and put a shoulder under my arm. It took everything I had not to flinch away from her, but I didn't want her to know that something was wrong, so I allowed her to help me over to the couch.

"You look awful," she said matter-of-factly. "Let me get you some water. What do you feel up to eating?"

The mere thought of food turned my stomach rather violently, but I knew at this point, at least trying to eat was a necessity, if I didn't want to end up in the ER.

"I'm still dizzy when I move around, so I think I should take it pretty easy. Maybe just some crackers?"

Bella frowned at me, concern etched deep in her expression, then disappeared into the kitchen. I ate the crackers she brought me and drank the water, but I was barely aware of what I was doing. Thoughts of who I was just kept chasing each other around in my head as the words from the memory echoed over and over. It was almost unbearable to sit there, Bella's watchful eyes on me as I tried to keep myself from falling apart. I just couldn't stop thinking about it. How had I ended up a dealer? I couldn't fathom how I'd made the choices that led me there. How the hell could I have possibly thought that what I was doing was okay? Maybe I'd been forced into it somehow—no, that was the easy way out. I had chosen it, but oh God, I didn't want to know any more about the me who'd made that choice. Who had I hurt with what I had done? How many lives had I ruined? Had I sold drugs to children?

Suddenly, I found myself on the floor in the bathroom, heaving up what little I'd managed to eat and drink until all I could taste was bile, and I knew it had nothing to do with dizziness or migraines. I lay back down on the bed, but my mind just kept spiraling through all the possibilities of what I may have done as a dealer, each one worse than the last. After two more trips to the bathroom to dry heave painfully, I realized I would have to find a way to stop this or Bella _would_ drag me to the ER, and a part of me didn't think that was a half bad idea, considering how incredibly awful I felt. I lay down and did my best not to think about anything, and thankfully, I fell asleep again fairly quickly. At least Bella didn't question it when I spent the rest of the day in bed.

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"Edward?"

"Wha…?" I responded groggily, groaning as I felt the ache in my head and my ribs immediately. I opened my eyes, and there was Bella leaning over me, a look of intense worry on her face.

I almost smiled at her, but the memories of the last few days overtook me and I looked away instead.

"Edward, I'm sorry to wake you, but I really think you need to try to at least drink something. It's been too long, and I'm worried about you."

She was right. My mouth felt like it was lined with cotton. I was certain I was dehydrated. I leaned forward to sit up and squeezed my eyes shut as dizziness assaulted me. I was definitely worse off than the last time I'd been awake. Bella put her hand on my shoulder as I gingerly leaned back against the headboard, keeping my eyes shut until the world stopped spinning.

"Here, try to sip a little water," she coaxed me, sliding a glass into my hand.

My hands were shaking slightly, but using both hands, I was able to take a little water—the cool wetness felt wonderful sliding down my throat.

"I'm okay," I said softly, staring down at the comforter.

"No, you're not," she replied. "I'm so sorry you've had such an awful weekend! You were doing so well. It had been at least two weeks since you'd had a migraine, and lately, they've been so mild compared to this one. I wonder what the hell happened…" She trailed off, and as I flicked my eyes up to her, I saw her cover her mouth with her hand.

"Could this have happened because of…Emmett? Last week was so stressful dealing with everything that happened, and you were the one that found him in the first place…"

I did meet her eyes then. I didn't want her blaming my problems on herself or her family, especially when I knew exactly what had happened and why.

"I don't think it was that," I reasoned. "That was days before Friday, and every time I think I've had a migraine that was stress-induced, it's happened right away after whatever stressed me out. Dr. Gerandy told me that sometimes, there's no trigger that you can see to pin it on."

I sipped my water again to distance myself from the lie, my eyes focused on the glass.

"Well, whatever the reason, I wish it hadn't happened," she declared. "I hate seeing you like this."

My heart twisted in my chest, and I set my lips to keep myself from reacting. Her concern for me was just rubbing salt in the open wound.

"I'm sorry that you had to deal with it…me…again," I mumbled, but she reached over and touched my cheek, causing my eyes to snap to hers.

"Hey, we don't have to have a talk about that again, do we?" she teased, her hand lingering on the side of my face and her fingers stroking gently.

I moved my chin down and away, breaking the contact, and I could sense her confusion as the smile ran away from her face. She let her hand drop. But I was too upset and ill to keep up appearances today. I just wanted to do whatever was needed to satisfy her so I could be alone.

"Do you think you can eat something?" she asked tentatively.

"I think I need to. Can I try crackers again?" I responded, letting my eyes fall closed as I leaned my head back against the headboard.

"I think that's a good place to start. Why don't you stay here this time? I'll bring some in for you," she said as she got up from the side of the bed.

"Thanks," I called after her. Definitely a good idea, since I didn't think I could stand at this point anyway, but she didn't really need to know that.

She returned in a few minutes and sat with me quietly while I ate, and I tried to keep my stomach from rolling by focusing intently on anything and everything other than the memory that kept trying to take over my head.

After a few minutes, I did feel a bit better. Maybe we _could_ get me back on track with no unpleasant road trips tonight.

I shifted on the bed and winced as the burning ache in my ribs resurfaced. They had been mostly pain‑free for a few weeks now, but I had put quite a bit of strain on them by heaving so much, and they were definitely complaining.

"Bella, can you get me some codeine? My ribs are killing me from being sick so much."

"Of course," she replied and then fetched the bottle for me.

I took two of the pills, and we sat in semi‑uncomfortable silence as I continued to slowly sip water and eat what she had brought me. My stomach seemed to be settling, and when I turned my head, the room didn't move any more.

After about twenty minutes, I began to feel warm and fuzzy. The codeine took the edge off my anxiety and kept the awful memory at bay, in addition to alleviating the pain in my ribs. The effect felt much stronger than I remembered—I didn't know if it was because I'd been off meds for a few weeks, or because my stomach was mostly empty, but I didn't care just then. I took a deep breath and relaxed a bit for the first time that day.

"You seem to be feeling a bit better," Bella observed.

I nodded my head.

"Are you still tired?"

"Believe or not, yes," I replied lazily. The drug had made me pleasantly drowsy, and I was content to just lay there and _be_.

"Why don't I let you get some more rest, then?" she said, standing up. "Can I get you anything else?"

"No, I'm fine. Thanks for putting up with me," I added.

"You should know by now that you don't have to thank me for that," she said quietly, her tone warm and her gaze soft and affectionate.

Looking into her eyes and then down to her lips, my eyes widened a bit as I remembered that I had kissed her on Thursday night. I had been so wrapped up in everything else that I'd completely forgotten, but obviously, she hadn't. I swallowed as awareness of what I could now never have washed over me, but it was just a dull ache in my hazy state of mind. I let her leave without another word and then slid down the headboard to try to drown myself in sleep.

A few hours later, I woke shaking and sweating, the smell of the forest fresh in my nose and my ribs throbbing with every harsh breath. I couldn't tell if the pain was real or from the dream, but it felt real enough, so what did it matter? I squeezed my eyes shut against the memory, everything sharp and agonizing again now that the effects of the codeine had worn off. Sleep eluded me for the rest of the night, and when dawn came, I was exhausted and distraught. I had no idea how I was going to face the day.

Bella came in quietly a little while later, but I feigned sleep, unable to face her again. She hesitated for a few minutes in the middle of the room, but eventually, she decided to let me sleep and walked back out the door. A few minutes later, I heard the front door close and knew it was safe to get up.

I was still weak and shaky, but lying in bed with nothing but my tortured thoughts for company was driving me insane. I needed to go to work today if at all possible, just to distract myself. And I needed to function so Bella wouldn't suspect that something was amiss.

When I went to the kitchen I found a note from Bella:

_Edward,_

_Didn't want to wake you. Please call me when you get up so I know that you're okay. There's fruit salad in the fridge—thought that might be easy for you to eat today._

_-Bella_

I raked my hand into my hair, pulling until the pain in my scalp distracted me from the sudden ache in my chest. Every nice thing she did for me added weight to what I carried. I felt like a traitor, accepting her kindness when I deserved nothing of the sort. I waited until after nine to call her, knowing that she'd be busy with a patient and I could just leave her a voice mail, telling her I was okay and that I was going in to work.

I ate and showered and felt somewhere near human by the time Mike picked me up. The day was torturous—I was not as recovered as I'd first thought, and I was shaky and lightheaded all day. Luckily, I could sit for most of the time, but by the time I got home I wanted nothing more than to lie down. And all afternoon, my anxiety level rose as I thought of seeing Bella at dinnertime. She would expect things—me—to go back to normal, and I didn't see that happening now that I knew what I knew.

She offered to make dinner that night, and I gratefully let her, lying down in the bedroom until she called me to eat. My hands shook as I pushed my chicken around my plate, and I knew that she was watching me, but I couldn't seem to force myself to behave normally.

"Edward, are you all right?" she asked.

I dropped my fork as she said it, startled away from the litany of dark thoughts in my head. "I'm okay," I said, trying to recover my composure. "I guess I'm just not back to a hundred percent after the weekend. Maybe I shouldn't have gone to work today."

I saw the pity in her eyes, and it turned my stomach, but blaming my behavior on illness would placate her for a day or two. I excused myself right after dinner and closed the bedroom door behind me, relieved beyond measure to get away from her.

I lay down, but I was too anxious to sleep. I didn't want to think any more about who I was, but the words of the memory just kept repeating in my mind, and all the things that I might have done came back to me unbidden, until my heart was pounding, sweat was rolling down my back, and my stomach was churning. I had to stop this or I was going to throw up again, and I couldn't afford that, given how sick I'd been the last few days. But I didn't know how. It felt like I was on a roller coaster that I couldn't get off, and there was nowhere to go now but to plunge downward. Suddenly, I thought about last night and the calming effect the codeine had had on me. I knew it was wrong, but in my desperate state, I convinced myself that I didn't care and retrieved the bottle from the bathroom. Twenty minutes and three codeine later, and the world was fuzzy and soft again. I floated in the haze until sleep took me.

I woke from the dream in the middle of the night, tears streaming down my face as anxiety rolled over me. I didn't even hesitate before grabbing the codeine bottle on the nightstand and popping three more. My sleep was peaceful and blessedly dreamless.

On Tuesday morning, I avoided Bella again, but when I went into the kitchen, I saw that she had set the jigsaw puzzle on the table. We hadn't worked on it in a few weeks, and I knew why she had put it there—she knew there was more to this than a simple migraine, and she was letting me know that she knew. I smiled sadly as I looked at the puzzle. We had it nearly finished, and you could see most of the picture except for the dense forest on either side of the lake. I didn't need nearly so many pieces to see as much of the picture of my own puzzle as I wanted to, and I hoped that I wouldn't find a single piece more. But I wondered if, like the jigsaw before me, I'd be compelled or forced to put together all the pieces of my past—nature didn't like incompleteness, and for all the days I'd wished I could dream about who I was, now I couldn't escape the one memory I'd been given.

I worked on the puzzle until it was time to go to work, finishing the right side of the forest.

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**Bella **

It was Wednesday night of what seemed like the longest week of my entire life, and not long after Edward closed the bedroom door, I found myself dialing Angela Weber's home number.

"Hello?"

"Hi Angela. This is Bella. I…feel a little weird calling you like this, but I think it's important."

"Go on, Bella," she encouraged me.

"Well, I don't know what you and Edward talk about, and I don't know how good he is at hiding things from you, or if he even does, but…something's happened. I don't know what it is, but he's struggling with something."

"What makes you think that?"

"He's...just not himself. He's going to work, and he's cooking us dinner, but it's like there's no life in him. I think he's depressed about something."

"Hmm...that doesn't sound good. Have you tried to talk to him about it?"

"Of course I have, but he tells me nothing's wrong, that he's just tired. And he's just so…skittish that I'm afraid to push him about it. It feels like he'll run or something."

"When did it start?"

"He had a really bad migraine over the weekend, and he hasn't been the same since."

"I bet whatever caused that migraine is at the heart of this. Do you know what triggered it?"

"No. We had an incident with my brother last week that was stressful, but Edward said he didn't think that was the cause, since the migraine didn't come on right after the thing with Emmett. And I can't think—"

I paused as the realization of what else happened last week hit me: Edward had kissed me on Thursday night. Oh God, could he regret doing that…this much? We hadn't talked about it, but that was because he had been so sick right afterwards. My heart froze in my chest at the thought.

"Bella?"

"I'm sorry. I just thought of something else that might have caused it. Edward…kissed me on Thursday night."

"I see."

"Maybe he decided that he shouldn't have…or something."

"Did you get that impression when he kissed you?"

"Well, no…but that doesn't mean he couldn't have changed his mind."

"It's possible, but there are other possibilities too. Do you think he could have remembered something?"

"I don't know," I said. That thought hadn't occurred to me, but now that Angela mentioned it, it seemed like the pieces fit.

"I'll talk to him about it tomorrow, Bella. Thank you for telling me. I need you to keep an eye on him, though. You're the one that knows him best."

I realized that she was right—at this point in time, I really did know him better than anyone. I had to make sure he was okay.

The last few days had been awful. Edward's migraine over the weekend had been the worst one he'd ever had, and he'd been so sick on Sunday that I was afraid that I'd have to take him to the ER. He was always exhausted and a little out of it the day after a migraine, but he'd never been unable to hold down food and water before. And after that, it had gotten even worse. I knew it was taking him longer to recover from this one, but there was more to it than that. He had stopped meeting my eyes when we spoke, as if he was hiding something. The change in his demeanor from last week to this one was so radical, it was frightening. And the past two nights, he had done just as he did tonight—given me the excuse that he was tired and gone back to the bedroom right after dinner, as if he were avoiding me.

On Tuesday morning, I had put the jigsaw puzzle on the table. I wanted him to know that I was aware that something was going on and that I was here for him if he needed me. He'd finished the right side of the puzzle on Tuesday and the rest yesterday morning, which said a lot, considering the number of pieces that had been left to put in. I had asked him at dinner last night if he wanted to start another one, and he had studied his plate before murmuring, "I don't really like puzzles."

Whatever it was, it was obviously tearing him apart, because I'd never seen him behave like this. The part that hurt, though, was that he didn't trust me enough to tell me what was going on. We had been through a lot together over the last few months, and I had hoped that I was the one person he felt he could trust.

Could it be that he regretted kissing me? I couldn't imagine that it would upset him that much…unless he'd remembered something, like that he had a girlfriend or wife out there somewhere. No, that couldn't be it. He would have been happy if he'd remembered something like that. But then again, how hard would it be to live with someone and depend on them for help if you had kissed them and then decided that that wasn't what you really wanted? Shit. Could that really be it? I had been ready to tell him that I loved him that night when he kissed me, but something in his eyes had made me hold back. He had looked like he wasn't…ready for that somehow, and I hadn't wanted to scare him away.

I couldn't be wrong about how he felt about me, but maybe he didn't want to act on it for some reason, and he'd crossed his own line when he kissed me. Somehow, that felt closer to the truth, but I would make myself crazy trying to guess. I promised myself that I wouldn't get upset until I found out for certain if whatever had upset him had to do with me.

The same as the past two nights, I never heard from Edward again that evening, and in the morning, he wasn't up before I left for work and I had no good reason to wake him. On Thursday afternoon, Angela called on my cell as I was driving home.

"Bella, I think you're going to need to keep a close eye on Edward these next few days—"

"Why? What happened?" I interrupted.

"I don't know. He completely stonewalled me at our session today, but you were right. Something is _very _wrong."

"He didn't tell you anything?"

"Not about this. He said he didn't want to talk about it, and I can't help him if he won't talk…and I can't do anything beyond that since he hasn't threatened to hurt himself or anyone else."

"Oh my God, do you really think he would?"

"No, I don't _think_ so, but I've never seen him that upset before, not even when I told him there was a good chance he'd never get his memory back. I tried to reassure him that he wasn't alone and that there are a lot of people that care about him and would help him, but it seemed to have the opposite effect."

"What should I do?"

"Just…stick close to him and try to find out what's bothering him, if you can. I have a bad feeling about this, but that's not enough reason to justify me doing anything more."

"Okay, I'll do what I can," I said, disconnecting the call with shaking hands.

When I got home, Edward was already making dinner. Jasper always dropped him off after his appointments with Angela, so he got home a little while before me. He didn't turn his attention from the stove when I came in, and I stayed out of his way until dinner was ready. I got my first good look at him when we sat down. He looked absolutely awful. The inky purple smudges under his eyes suggested that he hadn't slept in several days, and his eyes were bloodshot, his gaze was dull and flat. He said nothing to me as we sat down to eat, and I tried not to watch as pushed his food around his plate. From what I could see, he'd only eaten about three bites when he got up from the table.

I couldn't take it anymore. I had sworn to myself that I wouldn't push him, but Angela's phone call had me almost panicky. I was sure that I could help him if he'd just let me in!

As soon as he passed my chair, I stood up to face him.

"Edward?" I called.

As he turned from the sink, he met my eyes for the briefest of moments, and what I saw there stole my breath. The pain I saw in his eyes actually caused me to take a step back, and he looked down quickly. He started walking toward the bedroom, but I couldn't and wouldn't give up.

"Edward, please tell me what's bothering you," I pleaded. I had intended to be more subtle than that, but his demeanor had completely unhinged me. I needed to know what this was _now_.

He halted a few steps from the hallway, but didn't turn around. He turned his head to the side and said very softly, "Nothing's wrong, Bella. I'm just tired. It's been a long week already."

"That's not good enough," I shot back, trying to get a rise out of him.

I heard him pull in a deep breath. "Well, it's going to have to be," he replied before continuing down the hall.

I didn't hear from Edward again for the rest of the evening, and I found myself outside the bedroom, poised to knock on the door, around ten o'clock. I could hear no sound from the other side—I hoped he was sleeping, but I wasn't optimistic. Sleep had never been easy for him, and this week, it seemed downright impossible.

I dropped my hand to my side and sat on the floor, my back against the wall opposite the bedroom door. After talking with Angela, I was afraid to leave him alone. What if he tried to hurt himself? If I stayed where I was, I could hear any noise in the bedroom easily, and if he tried to leave, I would wake up when he opened the door. I settled in to keep vigil there, too scared to do anything else.

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A/N: Let me take this opportunity to draw your attention to the title of this story. Let me also remind you that this story is 25 chapters plus epilogue, and that I love Edward with all my heart. …don't flame me! *runs*

P.S. If you're still talking to me, pic for today's chapter and wine/commiseration over in the FB group.


	14. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13**

**Edward**

I pressed my back against the bedroom door, grateful to finally be alone. Since I'd discovered what I was, every day had been harder than the last, and today was hands down the worst of them all. I was exhausted, mentally and physically. My racing thoughts and fear of that damn dream kept me sleepless at night, except for the few hours a dose of codeine allowed me, and my waking hours were a constant battle to think of anything but the fact that I was a drug dealer and what that meant for everything I had and everything I wanted. I was in a constant state of anxiety, and it had been so difficult just to make it from one day to the next that I hadn't yet thought about what I should do, now that I knew the truth about myself.

My appointment with Dr. Weber today had been excruciating. I was barely holding myself together as it was, and to have someone asking all the right questions…it had almost been enough to break me right there in her office. I couldn't keep this up, or I would have a nervous breakdown.

I needed to leave here. I didn't know how I was going to come to terms with who I was, but I knew I couldn't do it here. The guilt of knowing that Bella thought I was a victim in this was too much to bear. I was grateful for all that she had done for me—more than grateful. I had been happier in the last few months than I had in all the time I could remember, and I had a sneaking suspicion that I was happier now than I'd been in my previous life. But that didn't matter. What mattered was not fucking up her life. My past would come back eventually, either in my head or in the form of someone looking for me, and I couldn't let her see that. A crushing weight compressed my chest just at the mere thought of leaving, but I had no choice.

I would have to start over. I could pick a different small town, make up a past, get a job and live a quiet life. No one would find me, and Bella would never have to know where I'd come from or where I'd gone. It would be as if I'd never been here. It would fade to a distant memory for her, of someone she'd once helped get back on their feet.

But not for me. The more I thought about her, the more I realized that she was the only person I truly cared about in this world…but it was even more than that. More than just the physical attraction, more than just as a friend—I loved her. Her selflessness, the gentle but persuasive way she insisted on taking care of me, her strength in dealing with Emmett and helping him put his life back together, her ability to see the good in everyone, no matter who they were—she was everything I needed, everything I wanted. And last week when I'd kissed her, I'd decided that I would try to be everything she needed too…but she'd been wrong about me. Whatever good there was in me was eclipsed by who I had been and what I had done. I wasn't good enough for her, not by a long shot, and I couldn't bear for her to know the reason. I had to leave.

I just didn't know how.

I'd already been forced to start over once, knowing nothing about who I was, with not a dime to my name or a single person I could call friend, but this was different. This time, I was choosing to put myself in that position, and I didn't think I had the strength to do it. Fuck! I had actually been happy! And now I would have to go back to that state of insecurity and loneliness where I'd begun, but this time with the weight of a dreadful secret that I would carry forever.

But there were other ways of leaving…

I opened the bottle of codeine in my hand and filled my palm with the small white tablets. A handful of these, and I could end it all right now. A handful of these, and that bottle of scotch in the kitchen, and there would be no turning back, no chance of failure. My hand shook as I thought about it. Was that what I wanted? I swallowed hard as I realized that yes, it was what I wanted…

…but not now. I couldn't do that to Bella, especially after Emmett. After all she'd done for me, I couldn't let her see me make that choice. The point was to end my pain, not to cause someone else's, and she was the only one I knew of in this world who truly cared about me. I would leave here, and if I still felt this way, then I'd do it such that she'd never find out.

I poured the tablets back into the bottle, leaving only three in my hand—enough to buy me a few hours of dreamless sleep. The irony was not lost on me that I was essentially abusing codeine to get away from the knowledge that I had been a drug dealer, but right now, I truly didn't care. I would tell Bella tomorrow night and then leave on Saturday morning. If I called the halfway house in Port Angeles, I could go there to think this through and decide what to do next.

I took the pills in my hand and lay back on the bed. Oblivion could not come soon enough…

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_"Who is it, Edward? Tell me now, and I'll make this quick and painless…well, quick anyway."_

"_Fuck you, I'm not telling you anything!"_

"_I swear to God I'll track down every one of your dealers and bury them all if you don't give him up…"_

"_Noooooo_!" I woke up screaming, my breath coming in harsh gasps as I realized that I was sitting up, the sheets slick with sweat and tangled around my waist.

Something touched my arm, and I jumped, recoiling from the touch and snapping my eyes open at the same time. Bella sat on the edge of the bed beside me, her eyes piercing with their trepidation and pity.

I looked away, swiping at my face to dash the tears from my eyes, and her hand followed me, gently capturing my chin and turning it back toward her.

"Christ, Edward, what is it?"

Her expression had changed_—_the set of her mouth spoke of anger and protectiveness, and as I lost myself in the intensity of her stare, what I wanted most was to forget. I wanted to forget that I feared who I was, and that I wasn't good enough for her. I wanted to forget that I could never have what I really wanted. In that moment, all I wanted to do was to just _be_. To be a normal man, in love with a woman. To be able to take her in my arms and hold her and to feel nothing but the warmth between us. To make love to her and to know nothing other than the passion we felt for each other. And as distraught and exhausted and strung out as I was, in that moment of terrible weakness, I gave in.

I raised both hands to her cheeks and captured her lips in a passionate kiss. She hesitated at first, but as I brushed my tongue against her lower lip for entry, I felt her give in, and her arms wound around my neck. I kissed her desperately, wanting the twinge in my belly and my growing arousal to overpower the pain in my head and the dreadful weight on my chest. I had been hard since the moment she first touched my face, but now my erection strained against my boxer briefs, causing me to groan against her mouth.

Craving more contact, I grabbed the edges of her little white tank top and broke the kiss to pull it over her head. She was bra-less, and her breasts bounced a little as I passed her top over them, her nipples already hardened and begging to be touched. I filled my hands with her breasts, kneading and breathing heavily as she met my eyes, a small moan escaping her as she re-connected with my lips.

Her hands found their way underneath my t-shirt, and I shivered as she ran the tips of her fingers over my abs, leaving a trail of fire behind her. Leaving her breasts for the moment, I reached down and grabbed the bottom of my own t-shirt, pulling it roughly over my head as she circled her hands under my arms and around to my back.

I crushed her against me, falling back on to the mattress and pulling her on top of me. I groaned as my cock pressed against her thigh, trying to find its way between her legs, but there was still too much clothing between us. I tore at her sleep pants and panties, and she eagerly helped me to remove them, reaching down to remove mine as she covered my neck and bare chest with eager kisses. And then, our bodies completely naked, we ground against each other, moaning in unison. The feel of her wet heat brushing against me almost drove me over the edge, so I rolled us over to pull myself back from the brink. Once I was on top of her, I captured one of her nipples in my mouth, circling my tongue around the pebbled areola. My nips and sucks drew moans from her every time she exhaled, and I wound my hand down between us to find her center.

She gasped as I made contact with her clit and slowly rolled it between my fingers. "Oh, Edward," she breathed, melting into me as I started a gentle motion.

As my fingers moved faster, her breathing sped in time, panting my name as she approached her climax. I wanted to feel it, so I let go of her clit and gently eased two fingers inside her, curling them to find the precise spot I wanted. She gasped as I made contact, and I became even more aroused as I set a rapid rhythm in and out with my fingers.

Suddenly, I saw her back arch as a passionate "oh!" escaped her lips, and I felt the rolling waves as she climaxed around my fingers.

I was panting with her, my own need desperate, my cock throbbing in time with the waves that were caressing my fingers. I removed them from her gently, trying to control my breathing as I gazed at her blissful face, eyes closed and cheeks flushed in satisfaction. Her eyes snapped open to meet mine, and a smirk crossed her lips as she reached between us.

I rolled on to my side next to her and groaned in ecstasy as she closed her hand around my cock, squeezing from stern to stem, my voice breaking harshly as she circled the tip with her fingers. I threw my head back into the pillow as she began a slow rhythm, pulling gasps and moans from me as she brought her hand up and down, up and down. And all of a sudden, it wasn't enough anymore. I needed to be inside her.

"Bella, I**—**"

"It's fine, Edward. I've got it covered," she answered, and that was all I needed to hear.

I raised myself on my arms and moved over her, and the sensation when my hard length brushed against her wet heat truly almost undid me.

"Oh God," I whispered as the tip of my cock found her opening. "Oohhh…" came from my lips as I slid completely inside her.

"More, Edward…" she rasped as I began to move, and I could already feel the tension building in my groin.

"Bella**—**" gasp "**—**I'm not going to last," I confessed, and I felt her hand brush against me as she began stroking her clit.

She set a rhythm in time with my thrusts, the pleasure of it all nearly driving me out of my mind. The pressure in my groin was almost unbearable, and as I let out one more shaky breath, I knew I couldn't stop it if I tried.

"Fuck, Bella, I'm going to**—**" I managed to get out before the explosion began, and I heard her cry out in pleasure as I rode the waves of my own ecstasy, knowing nothing but the pulsing between my legs and the rush of blood between my ears. In that moment there was nothing in the world but the gorgeous woman below me, connected to me in the most intimate of ways.

As I slowly came back to myself, I realized that she was running her fingers up and down my back, soothing me as my breathing finally slowed. I gently uncoupled and lay down next to her, trying my best to think about nothing as I lay there, just being.

Reality came crashing down around me then, and I gasped as I realized what I had just done. I rolled unto my back and pressed the heels of my hands into my eyes. Oh my God, _how_ had I been so weak to allow this to happen—to _make_ this happen! I was so unbelievably selfish that it literally sickened me, my gut clenching as nausea washed over me.

"This was a mistake," I whispered between clenched teeth, so lost in my own head that I didn't even notice her stiffen beside me.

I felt the bed bounce gently, but I couldn't bring myself out of my self‑loathing and misery enough to remove my palms from my eyes. When I finally did, the room was still dark and she was gone.

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**Bella **

I breathed in sharply as I heard his words. How could something that had felt so right possibly have been a mistake? Why was he holding himself back from me—from us?

I realized that the reason didn't matter; the outcome was the same. He wished he could take back what we had done, and there was no way to do that. Suddenly, I felt a sharp pain in my chest, and I knew I needed to leave before the tears began to fall. I got off the bed as quietly as I could, leaving my clothing where it lay, and fled the room without looking back.

He didn't follow me, and I was relieved. I didn't know how I was going face him again, knowing that he regretted this night. I had been sure that he loved me too—I still _was_ sure—but, maybe it wasn't enough. He wasn't willing to let go of his previous life or even consider that it might not ever come back to him. I wanted him to get his memory back—of course I did—but it had been four months now, and the odds of everything coming back were diminishing with each passing day. He couldn't remain in this holding pattern forever. It wasn't good for him. Angela had said as much. But how could I convince him that he could have something right now, without betraying his unknown past? Augh, and maybe I was just dead wrong and there was no chance that a sweet and wonderful guy like him could ever fall for a girl like me, even when I had virtually _no_ competition. I chuckled, but it soon turned into sobs that carried me away to sleep.

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A/N: Oh my…our situation has not improved—in fact it's gotten a hell of a lot worse! He just wants a life with Bella so desperately… Remember, folks, it's always darkest before the dawn—stay with me!


	15. Chapter 14

**Chapter 14**

**Edward **

I awoke to sunshine streaming through the bottom of the bedroom blinds, and as I stretched lazily, I wondered what time it was and why Bella hadn't come in yet. And then realization dawned and I threw my arms up over my eyes. It seemed like a dream…just an extension of the nightmare that had started everything in the first place. _How_ in the name of God had I been stupid enough to let that happen? I cursed my own weakness—I had given in to what I wanted, with no thought to the consequences. Fuck! Bella had to hate me right now, and if she didn't, she damn well should. I had used her, taken what I wanted for myself, and now I was going to leave.

As much as I had wanted to believe that I was different now, I still was the person that had made all the wrong choices and landed in that forest. Here I was, doing it again. I had never felt this bad in all my life. This was even worse than knowing I was a drug dealer. _How_ could I have been so fucking selfish?

I needed to leave before I could do any more damage to the one person I…loved. I had already stayed too long, and my despair over having to leave her had driven me to what happened last night. I wanted to run—leave her apartment right now and disappear. I was no one, untraceable; I doubted even Charlie could find me. But I knew if I did that, I would regret it for the rest of my life. I may have been an asshole who made stupid choices, but I wasn't a coward. Bella deserved to know how sorry I was and that this was all my fault and not hers. She deserved to know the whole truth, but since that wasn't something I could give her, I would stay and give her what I could before I left.

I dragged myself out of bed and got ready for work, wishing more than anything that it was Saturday and I was already gone.

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"I don't know what you did, but she's a right mess today," Jasper drawled as he walked up to the counter at the store.

"Why do you think it has anything to do with me?" I asked defensively.

Jasper just rolled his eyes. "Because I've known her almost my whole life, and I've never seen anyone put her in a twist the way you do."

I looked away uncomfortably. If Jasper knew what I'd actually done, we'd likely be having this conversation in fist language instead of English.

"Was there something you needed?" I asked, trying to deflect the conversation as I met his eyes for the first time.

"Christ, Edward, you look even worse than she does, and considering the way she stumbled into the clinic this morning, that's saying something."

I closed my eyes and sighed, the ache in my chest intensifying as I thought about the pain I'd already caused her and what was yet to come later today.

"I just came in to set you straight about some things," he said rather directly.

I couldn't help but like Jasper—he always got to the point, even if it wasn't a point I wanted to discuss.

"Edward," he began, "I'm not going to tell you what you should do, because I don't have all the answers. I can't put myself in your situation and tell you how I'd feel. But what I can tell you is that Bella is in love with you. You need to think carefully now, because you have the power to really hurt her."

I stared at him in shock. "No…she can't be," I muttered.

"Why not? She's seen you and she likes what she sees, end of story."

"God, if it were only that simple," I replied, raising my hand to my forehead.

"For her, it is, even if it's not for you," he answered me. "I've seen her with a lot of guys, and she's different with you. Alice could tell you a whole lot more besides, but girls notice all sorts of shit. All I want to ask you is, are you sure that whatever you had in your former life is better than what you could have right here?"

Oh, if he only knew the truth—how much I wanted nothing to do with my former life and how much I felt I needed to protect Bella from it…and how I wanted more than anything just to be with her…but I couldn't tell him any more than I could tell her.

"Well?" Jasper prompted, as if he expected me to actually have an answer, and a good one, too.

"Jasper, I…" I stammered.

"Just think about it," he told me, grinning at me at he turned to leave. As he reached the door, he turned back to me. "Oh, and Edward? If you break her heart, Alice says I have to hurt you."

I rested my head on my hand. At least I would be long gone before Jasper could get his hands on me.

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**Bella**

When I picked Edward up from work that afternoon, he looked exactly the way I felt: absolutely horrible. We didn't speak at all on the ride home, and I didn't know what I was going to do with myself when we got there. I hoped that he would go into the bedroom as he had every other night this week, because I was too hurt and angry to deal with him tonight.

I entered the apartment first and went immediately to the kitchen to get myself a drink, hoping that he'd go right to the bedroom and I wouldn't even have to talk to him. He followed me, though, and stood uncertainly by the kitchen table, his eyes searching mine out for the first time this week as I turned around.

"Bella, I—"

"I have nothing to say to you right now, Edward," I cut him off, making my way around the kitchen table from the other side and heading for the couch.

He turned to face me. "Well, I have things I need to say to you."

I looked up at him, and the pain etched on his face broke my heart, until I remembered that it couldn't be broken again since he'd taken care of that quite thoroughly the night before.

"There's nothing that I'm interested in hearing," I said coldly.

He closed his eyes in pain and furrowed his brow, then he took a deep breath.

"I'm leaving, Bella."

"_What_?!" I hastily set my glass down on the table before I dropped it and then stood up.

It was my turn to seek out his eyes now. He met my gaze steadily.

"I…I can't tell you how sorry I am about last night. That should never have happened. I knew I was leaving, and I should never have—"

"You _knew_?" I exclaimed. "When did you decide that you were leaving?"

"Yesterday."

"But, why? What's happened in the last week that's changed things? You were happy here before."

"It's…not that I'm not happy here."

"Is it us? That you kissed me last week and then last night—"

"Oh, Bella, there can't be an us," he said quietly, and I heard him draw in a shaky breath.

"There's more to it than that," I said intuitively. "There's more going on here than just anything between us. I've been watching you for weeks now. You've been holding yourself back, as if you're ready to leave here at a moment's notice—trying not to make too many ties or get too involved in anything.

"Edward, you need to just Let. Yourself. Live. Even if it's not with me. Your memory may never come back. And you—you act like you have something to atone for—"

"Dammit, Bella, I _do_ have something to atone for—don't you see that?" he demanded, raking his fingers through his hair.

"Edward, what could you possibly have to atone for when you can't remember anything?" I asked in exasperation.

"For whatever landed me face down in that fucking forest!" he shouted. "I'm _not_ one of the good guys, Bella! There's no way that I am!"

I got very still. "You've remembered something," I said quietly—a statement, not a question.

"No, not exactly," he said guiltily.

"Then what is it?" I spat, out of patience with him and the whole damn situation.

He recoiled as if I'd struck him, closing his eyes for a moment and taking a deep breath. When he raised his head again, his eyes were haunted, the sorrow in them pinning me down with its weight.

"I...remember being in the forest, after they'd beaten me. I've been having nightmares about it for weeks, and I finally remembered what they were saying. They wanted information, Bella. I knew something they needed to know, and they were going to kill me for it. It wasn't random." He hesitated, shifting his gaze quickly to the floor. "That's all I know."

"No, it's not. You just broke eye contact first," I accused him, and he snapped his eyes to mine, stunned.

He swore under his breath, closing his eyes and covering his face with his hand, his other hand balling in a fist at his side. He stumbled sideways a bit and sat down heavily on the couch, as if what he was about to say was too much to bear.

He picked a spot on the carpet to stare at and whispered very softly, "You're right, there's more."

Despite how angry I was with him, I couldn't turn my back on him now, when he'd obviously discovered something in his past that made him think he needed to leave here—to leave me. I sat down beside him and took his hands in my own, uncurling his fisted fingers and wrapping mine around his open hands.

"Please tell me," I begged him, the tears flowing freely down my cheeks.

"I…can't…" he struggled, forcing the words out and trying to pull away from me, but I held his hands firmly.

"Whatever it is, we'll deal with it together. You're not alone, Edward. I don't ever want you to be alone again, but you will be unless you let me in. Please."

"I…" He took a deep breath and swallowed audibly. "I…Christ, I can't even say it. I…was a drug dealer. I don't know what, I don't know how I ended up that way, but that's who I was—who I am."

I closed my eyes for a moment, processing what he had said. Now it was my turn to take a deep breath. Oh my…but I realized that it didn't matter. That life was lost to him, and maybe that was the best thing that could have happened. My Edward didn't make whatever choices led the person he had been down that path, and my Edward couldn't explain why the person he had been had made those choices. It didn't change the way I felt about him or who I thought he was.

"It doesn't matter," I whispered.

"_What_?" he said incredulously, springing to his feet.

"I said it doesn't matter. Not to me." I stood too and took a step toward him.

"This is what you've been trying to get away from," I said, almost to myself. "All this time... Dammit, Edward, why didn't you tell someone? Me...Angela...whoever! There are so many people willing to help you."

"Why?" he asked in confusion. "Why would _anyone_ be willing to help someone like me?"

"Because no one sees you the way you see yourself!" I shouted, my hands clenching into fists at my sides. "Augh! If you'd just stop torturing yourself long enough to see the good person you are now, maybe you'd see that you've been given a second chance! You don't have to be that person anymore—you're _not_ that person anymore!"

"I don't want to be that person anymore," he said hollowly. "I don't want to know any more about who I was. I hope I never remember…" He trailed off, but suddenly, he shook his head, snapping out of his reverie. He looked at me almost coldly. "But it will follow me, I know it will, which is why I have to leave. I won't risk anything happening to you, and I won't break your heart by promising you things that I can't guarantee. I have nothing to offer you, Bella—no past, no family, not even the truth about who I am," he finished, his breath coming harshly and his voice breaking.

I took a deep breath to calm myself. Now it was my turn to fix him with my stare.

"That's not true," I said very softly.

"What's not?" he replied, fidgeting in place.

I reached out and captured his chin in my hand, forcing him to look at me. "It's not true that you have nothing to offer me."

He tried to look away, but I held fast, stilling him with the intensity of my gaze.

"Edward, you're a good man. You're charming and sweet, thoughtful and caring. You make me laugh, you treat me with respect, and you truly care about how I feel and whether or not you hurt me. You give me more than any man ever has, right there, and all that without even really trying. The man I _love_, the Edward I love, is a person _worth_ loving and has nothing to do with the lost soul who was left in that forest to die."

His eyes grew wide as saucers, and I drew back reflexively from the anguish I saw there, releasing my hold on his chin. He turned away from me, dropping his chin to his chest and wrapping his arms around his chest tightly. "No!" he choked. "You can't love me!"

"I can, and I do, Edward," I said softly.

He turned his head toward me, drinking in my words as if he couldn't believe what he was hearing.

"I've known that I'm in love with you for a while now, but I didn't know how to tell you or what you would say. I thought you wanted your life back more than anything, and I didn't think there was a place for me—for us—once that happened. But now…

"Edward, you don't know why you made the choices you did, and you may never know. But now, right now, you have a choice to make. You can live in the shadow of that person you were, or you can choose to be someone else—to be the person that I fell in love with."

I paused, looking down and taking a deep breath to steel myself before I met his eyes again.

"Do you want this? Putting everything aside, do you want to be with me?"

"Bella—"

"Answer the damn question, Edward," I cut him off, my anger flaring. "It's a yes or a no."

He looked up, and for a moment, he bared his soul to me. "God, you don't know how much I want this," he whispered fervently.

"I think I do," I replied, still staring at him intensely.

"But—"

"No buts. Only you…and me. No memories, no past, no family, no uncertainty. Just us, here and now." I raised my hand and cupped his cheek gently. "Edward, let yourself have this, if you really want it. Please."

He faced me and stared into my eyes for a lifetime, and I watched every emotion that flitted across his face. His eyes told me everything—his despair over not knowing who he was, his guilt over realizing he wasn't who he wanted to be, his heartbreak as he tried to let me go as he thought he should…but suddenly, all of that was swept away, and his eyes softened with tenderness. Ever so slowly, he took a step toward me, and then another, until he was close enough that I could feel his warm breath on my face. He leaned in, brushing his lips softly over mine, his eyes closing in contentment. He made contact again, this time covering my lips with his own and kissing me ever so gently and lingering there, as if waiting for permission.

I deepened the kiss, parting my lips for him and reaching up to entwine my hands in his hair. His arms encircled me, pulling me closer, and his mouth became more demanding as his tongue rolled against mine, his hunger causing my belly to twinge and warmth and wetness to pool between my legs.

We kissed for long moments, our lips and tongues becoming more insistent as his hands roved over my body. A whimper escaped him as I thrust my tongue a little deeper, pressed my body a little closer, my thigh brushing against his rock-hard length.

Suddenly, he pulled back, his bright green eyes melting me with the love and need he'd been holding back. He slowly raised both hands and put them on either side of my face, gently caressing my cheeks.

"I love you, Bella," he whispered, slowly, intensely, and with a certainty that made my knees buckle.

I lost myself in his eyes, my mind echoing the words I'd wanted to say for so long now. "I love you, Edward."

He kissed me again then…slowly, reverently, and with such purpose that I knew everything had changed—_he_ had changed—and what I wanted most was for him to make love to me.

I stepped backwards toward the hallway, and he stepped with me so our kiss wouldn't be broken, his hands still cupping my cheeks as he thoroughly sounded my mouth.

When we reached the bedroom, his lips left mine, but his eyes burned into me, willing me not to look away. He found the hem of my t-shirt and lifted it over my head before reaching around and unhooking my bra, letting both drop to the floor. He did the same with my shorts and panties, his eyes never leaving mine, and I kicked my sandals off so that I was standing before him utterly naked.

Then his eyes roved over me, the love and lust mingling on his face as he drank me in, a groan escaping him as his eyes settled on my center. "So fucking beautiful," he murmured as his eyes traveled up to my breasts, and I felt my nipples harden under the heat of his gaze.

"Close your eyes," he said, his voice sultry and commanding, and I did as I was told, my clit tingling and my skin electrified at the thought of him touching me. I heard rustling, and I knew he was undressing, so I opened my eyes to gaze at his gorgeous ass as he slipped off his shorts and boxers. My eyes met his for a second as he turned around, before wandering down to his cock, smooth and hard and so fucking sexy. He smirked at me, but he got serious again. "Bella, close your eyes," he instructed, and I grinned as I closed them again, marveling at the confident and almost cocky man before me.

And suddenly, his warm breath was on my neck, his hands angling my head to the side so his tongue could lick sensuously behind my ear, and I released the breath I didn't realize I was holding in a low moan. Now his lips focused on a spot just below my earlobe, and I shivered as goose bumps ran down the insides of my thighs. He got closer, one hand rubbing my hip while the other caressed my shoulder, his lips continuing to explore my neck with warmth and wetness.

He moved to the other side then, feathering kisses from my jaw to my collarbone as I threw my head back and breathed in deeply, exhaling shakily as his lips probed under my jawline. His hands slid around to my ass, both of us moaning in unison as his erection brushed against my thigh, but he maintained his focus on kissing me, trailing wetness farther and farther down my chest until he was just above my right nipple.

He kissed gently down my breast, and I gasped as he took my nipple into his mouth, my muscles tightening and wetness gathering between my legs as he rolled it on his tongue. He sucked gently, and I heard him exhale as I brought my hands up and feathered them down his sides, my eyes still closed. His hand cupped and stroked my other breast as he continued to worship my body, his kisses trailing farther and farther south until he reached the first downy hairs between my legs. When his hand left my breast, I shook in anticipation—this was the hottest thing anyone had ever done to me.

I jumped as his hand made contact with my clit, and I squirmed against him as he massaged it with his index finger, all the while twisting his hand to bring his next two fingers inside the folds of my pussy.

"Oh…Edward…" I panted as he stroked quickly in and out, my breathing becoming more ragged as tingles of pleasure rolled over me.

His lips met mine, warm and demanding, and his other arm pulled me tighter to him as he increased his pace. As I began to moan against his mouth, he tore his lips from mine and I felt his hot breath in my ear.

"Bella, can I kiss you?"

I shuddered as I realized exactly where he wanted to kiss me, and I opened my eyes—I needed to see him. His eyes were dark with want, blazing at me with their desire, and for a moment, I thought I was going to come right then. I nodded my head slowly, my eyes never leaving his as he gently moved me backwards toward the bed, laying me down on my back, my legs still hanging over the edge. He got down on his knees, his head between my legs as he repeated softly, "Close your eyes."

I closed them, but even knowing what he was about to do, I bucked my hips off the bed as his tongue caressed my clit. He laced his arms under my thighs then, resting his hands on my hips firmly to keep me in place as he gently grazed his teeth against me, nipping and sucking at it as I tried to writhe my hips for even more contact. He darted his tongue into my pussy, licking at the outer folds teasingly before plunging inside. He worked his tongue in and out, in and out as my breath quickened, and suddenly, his fingers danced over my clit.

"Come for me," he crooned.

"Oh…God…Oh…Oh…"

I heard him groan deep in his chest as the waves of pleasure rippled over me, and knowing he could feel them against his tongue was the most erotic and heady thing I'd ever felt.

As I panted more slowly, he got to his feet and leaned over me, exhaling sharply as his cock rubbed against my pussy, his eyes still burning with need as he sought my lips. I moaned as I tasted myself on his lips and tongue—tang and salt and raw sex. His kisses became more insistent as he ground himself against me, his breaths coming sharper as he moaned against my mouth.

He stopped then and pulled back a little from my lips, his eyes awash with desire, but I could see the love there that he had been holding back for so long. He deliberately slowed his breathing and scooted me up the bed until I was lying in the center before crawling up after me. He positioned himself over top of me, balancing his weight on his arms.

"Can I make love to you, Bella?" he asked softly, his smoldering eyes igniting a sharp twinge in my belly and causing my pussy to clench.

"Please, Edward," I breathed, love and lust warring for dominance in my mind. I had known there was so much more to him than the quiet man who I'd been living with, but this…this was beyond my wildest dreams.

He took hold of himself and stroked a few times, his eyes closing and his brow creasing in obvious pleasure. It was beyond arousing to watch him pleasure himself, and I felt my hand creeping toward my clit as he opened his eyes. My hand stilled and then fisted the sheets as he rubbed the head of his cock back and forth over my clit, causing me to jump and gasp as he circled over the most sensitive spots. He pushed the tip of himself in, meeting my eyes again before slowly pushing forward until his hips met mine.

"Oh fuck," he exhaled slowly, both of us reveling in the heady sensation of tightness and fullness.

He began to move, slowly, his eyes making love to me as his body did so, and it was so intense and so overwhelmingly intimate that I almost looked away. Almost. But this had been what I had wanted from him, and I wasn't going to miss a second of it for insecurity or cowardice on my own part.

He started to thrust more deeply and quickly, his eyes closing as pleasure overwhelmed his senses, and I knew he was getting close. He leaned down to kiss me, his mouth rough and insistent on mine. Suddenly, he rolled us over, extending a hand behind him to push himself into a sitting position, his hips rolling forward as I straddled him. One of my hands fisted in the hair on the back of his neck while the other held his jaw as we kissed passionately, my hips lifting off his thighs to move slowly upward and then down. He broke the kiss in a ragged pant, and I smirked at him wickedly, again moving slowly upward and then slamming down to hear the inhuman sound that escaped him.

He ground under me, encouraging me to move on him, and I set a rapid pace as we both voiced our pleasure. His arms left my back to extend behind him, supporting his weight as he thrust upward to match my downstroke.

His eyes grew heavy-lidded. "Touch yourself, Bella," he purred, mesmerized as my hand came over to rub against my clit as I continued to impale myself on him.

"Edward…fuck…" I panted as my second climax rolled through me, my rhythm faltering as wave after wave crashed over me.

Two more upthrusts, and he was following right behind me, grunting his pleasure sharply until I felt the pulsing within me subside.

He met my eyes again, pulling me to him as he lay back on the pillow, and I lay there a moment before gently lifting up and uncoupling us.

We lay on our backs, our breathing slowly returning to normal, and I drifted off to sleep beside him. Sometime later, I awoke as he turned on his side away from me. A moment later, I felt his shoulders begin to shake, the emotion of the last week, and probably a lot longer, finally coming to the surface. I turned and spooned behind him, holding him close as he sobbed quietly, and I felt the tears run down my own cheeks. Neither of us said anything. There was no need—we both knew that he was saying goodbye to that life and all the pain and heartache it had caused him. Eventually, he stilled and I heard his breathing even out into a peaceful sleep.

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A/N: My first fandom was Lord of the Rings, and if you're familiar with it, you'll know that on their birthdays, hobbits give presents instead of receiving them. So, today is my birthday, and like a good hobbit, this was your present. I hope it atoned for Chapters 12 and 13.

Want to give me a birthday present? Leave some love in that little box down there, and go vote for me and HTF in the TwiFic Fandom Awards!

Pix over on the FB group. These will be NSFW, so visit when you can view safely!


	16. Chapter 15

**Chapter 15**

**Edward**

When I opened my eyes, the first thing I saw was Bella, sleeping soundly beside me. In all the time I'd lived with her, I'd never seen her asleep. She never fell asleep on the couch, I always went to bed before her, and she was always up before me. I stared at her unabashedly, memorizing every detail of her face, angelic in sleep, while I thought over all the things that had happened the night before.

I had truly intended to leave without telling her any of what I knew, but her anguish over the thought of me leaving and her pleas for me to let her in had worn me down. Hell, I had been such a fucking disaster all week, it was no wonder I had no willpower left to deny her. And telling her, and her accepting what I had been, had lifted such a weight from me that I still couldn't believe it. I could breathe again. I was still distraught over what I had been, but somehow, sharing it with someone who accepted me unconditionally had made it bearable.

I was still afraid to stay, but last night, I had made a decision based on things I was sure of, rather than those I didn't know. I was sure that Bella loved me, and I loved her. I didn't know if anyone would ever come looking for me again, or if I would ever fully remember who I was. I just couldn't give up what Bella and I could have together because the possibility existed that something bad could happen. That possibility existed no matter where I was. I could step into the street and be hit by a truck tomorrow, and none of this would matter—I had to start living now, because I didn't know what the future held any more than anyone else did. I didn't know how things were going to be now, but I knew I felt a hell of a lot better about staying than I had about leaving.

Just then, Bella stirred and her deep brown eyes met mine. She smiled, but I faltered, suddenly uncertain whether she'd still be okay with the things I had told her last night.

She frowned slightly and scooted closer—her lips almost touching mine in an open invitation to kiss her. I hesitated, so she closed the distance and covered my lips with hers, gently tasting and exploring, despite my cautious response. Suddenly, her tongue flicked out across my teeth as she tried to deepen the kiss, and I opened to her, our tongues tangling and thrusting as warmth spread through my chest and between my legs. I flattened my palm against her lower back and pulled her to me, a soft whimper escaping me as her thigh ground against my already-hard cock.

She broke away from me, panting a little, and looked me in the eye. "Now that's the Edward I want to see from now on, not the uncertain and nervous one. I want the Edward who made love to me last night."

I couldn't help but grin, but again, doubt assailed me and I ducked my head.

"Are you sure about this? I mean, about…"

She shook her head in disbelief, giving me an exasperated but indulgent grin. Then she became serious. "Yes, I don't care who you used to be, because that's not who you are now. You could have told me you were an axe murderer last night, and I'd still be here with you, because I know and love you for who you _are_, not who you _were_. Nothing's going to change that."

A thrill of warmth tingled its way through me, and I closed my eyes to savor the feeling. For the first time, I truly felt loved, and it was the most amazing thing in the world. I opened my eyes to find her looking at me curiously.

"You still look awful. You carried that around with you all week all by yourself, and I know what it did to you. Why don't you sleep for a while longer, and we can talk more later?" she said, reaching up to brush a stray lock of hair from my forehead.

Thinking about what she'd said a few moments ago, I reached up and grabbed her hand, bringing her wrist to my lips and lacing soft kisses on the tender skin there as her eyes fluttered closed.

"I can think of other things I'd rather do in this bed than sleep," I said seductively, pulling her toward me until she was on top of me.

She got an evil gleam in her eye and reached under the covers to pull my t-shirt up, exposing my torso. Leaning down, she feathered gentle kisses on my chest, and I closed my eyes and threw my head back to enjoy the sensation. I felt her tongue circle around my right nipple, and I gasped as she gently bit at it, sucking a bit as she pulled away to give the same attention to my other side. Her mouth left me, and I looked up to find her staring down at me—seriously for just a moment, but then a mischievous grin spread across her face. She slid slowly backwards down the bed, pulling the blankets with her until her face was just above my now painfully hard cock. She laid a hand on me possessively, slowly moving her palm in a circle as I exhaled a soft moan.

I grabbed her shoulders and tried to pull her back up to me, but she was having none of it. She gently threaded her fingers under the waistband of my shorts, lifting up and lowering them gently so that my cock sprang away from my stomach, giving a twitch as her eyes followed it and then flicked back up to mine. I knew then what she was planning to do, and my mouth got dry as I swallowed almost painfully.

She licked the very tip gently, and my head fell back as I inhaled sharply, my breath catching as she swirled her tongue around the head and licked down the sides of my shaft. This was so much better than I'd imagined it, so much more intense! I started to pant a bit as she licked faster, her tongue leaving trails of wetness that tingled as her breath hit them, causing my leg muscles to tighten reflexively.

Suddenly, she took me in, and I arched my back and fisted the sheets as her warmth enveloped me, groaning deep in my chest as she sucked hard all the way back up.

"Oh _fuck_!"

_Did I say that out loud?_ The chuckle from the other end of the bed told me the answer, but I had no time to think about it before her mouth was on me again, her tongue swirling around my head and sending electricity coursing through my groin.

"Oh God…Bella…" I said heavily as she focused her attention on that intensely sensitive skin. It reminded me again of my shower fantasy, making me even more aroused. As she set a rhythm swirling and sucking, I began to moan in tandem with her pulls, and I started to thrust a little into her mouth, unable to resist the overwhelming urge.

Her hands came up and pinned my hips to the bed as she sensed my urgency, and then she got really serious. She took me all the way in again, but this time, it wasn't slow and gentle, as she set a rhythm deep-throating me and sucking on the upstroke. I arched off the bed again, unable to control myself, and the sounds that tore from my throat became more primal and inhuman as the growing tension in my groin sent ripples of pleasure through me almost faster than I could process.

"Bella…oh..." I panted heavily as I could feel the pressure building toward explosion, and I gripped her shoulders to let her know how close I was. She continued and even sucked a little harder on the next upstroke, and suddenly, I went over the edge, a guttural cry echoing from me as I pulsed into Bella's mouth, bucking against her hands as the indescribable pleasure left me senseless.

My breathing slowed as I felt Bella caress my cheek, and I smiled lazily, still too awash in pleasure to open my eyes.

"Sleep for a couple of hours," Bella whispered in my ear. "I'll be here when you wake up."

I was so relaxed that I immediately began to drift, and I heard Bella chuckle again as I felt the mattress dip.

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I awoke alone, the realization of who I was crashing over me within seconds as it had done every morning this week, but today was different. Today, the realization that Bella loved me and accepted me no matter who I was came with it. Bella loved me?! I still couldn't wrap my mind around her declaration from the night before. I had known she was attracted to me, but I had somehow missed when that changed into something else—into love. I smiled as I thought about it, allowing myself to enjoy the happiness it brought me. I needed to see her…now.

I got up, put on my pajama pants and an undershirt, and headed for the living room in search of her. I found her curled up on the couch, a coffee mug in her hand as she sat watching TV. The moment she heard me, her head snapped in my direction, a smile lighting up her face as she met my eyes.

I grinned, knowing we were both thinking about the things we had done in the last twenty-four hours, as she rose from the couch and came to stand before me.

"How did you sleep?" she asked playfully, her one hand grazing my crotch as the other caressed my cheek.

"Like a baby, thanks to you," I said, smirking, but after a moment, I softened and warmed it to try to convey my love and gratitude.

It must have worked, because suddenly, love shone in her eyes and all the playfulness was gone. Her arms slid around me, her head against my chest as she held me, and I reveled in the closeness and intimacy of it. I could have stood there and held her forever, but there were still things I needed her to know. I buried my nose in her strawberry-scented hair.

"Bella, I am _so_ sorry about this week. I was just...devastated. I couldn't think straight. I didn't know how to talk to you, and I didn't want you to know who I really am—"

"Who you _were_, Edward," she interrupted me, raising her head to meet my eyes. "You're someone else now. I wish you'd see that."

"I'll...try," I conceded, but I needed her to understand. "I feel...guilty...and responsible for whatever I've done, even though I don't truly know what I did or why I did it."

"Oh, Edward, you can't think that way!" she declared, pounding her fist against my chest. "You're the same person now as the day before you remembered all this. It has no claim on you, unless you let it. And I won't let you let it," she said, reaching up to touch my cheek.

I smiled at her determination. She was always so damn sure of herself. I had an inkling that I'd once been that way, and I hoped that someday, I'd be able to get back there. "I know. I just need…time," I told her, gazing at the floor. "I'm…disappointed in myself—how could I have made whatever choices led me there? It's like finding out that someone else has lived your life for you for a while and they fucked it all up. But it wasn't someone else. It was me, and I just can't see my way to thinking like that."

Bella put her hand gently under my chin and raised it so I had to meet her eyes. "I really don't think it's worth your time and energy trying to figure out how you became a dealer."

I flinched as she said the word—I still had a long way to go toward coming to terms with this.

She ignored my reaction and continued, "You don't have all the facts. Hell, you don't really have _any_ of the facts—just your own certainty based on something you remembered from a dream."

"It's more than a dream, Bella, I'm sure of it. It's what really happened that night. It's very…real. I can smell the earth and the trees, and I can feel—" I stopped myself. No need to tell her that I could feel the pain as if my ribs were still broken, my knee still shattered and torn. "It's just the truth, okay?"

She frowned at me, but she didn't press for what I'd omitted. "Okay, it may be the truth, but without all the facts, you can't possibly figure out how you ended up there, and I know that your mind is going to come up with something far worse than the actual circumstances."

I frowned wryly and tried to look down again, but her grip on my chin tightened.

"Yes, I know that you think too much, which is why you should really talk to Angela about this. She can help you find a way to deal with it—to put it behind you and move on."

My reluctance must have shown on my face, because she quickly continued, "I know you don't want anyone to know, and I certainly won't tell anyone, but if _you_ tell anyone other than me, I think it should be her. She really is good at what she does, and I want this to be as easy for you as possible."

Warmth spread through my chest as I realized that she was again doing whatever she could to help me and take care of me. I grinned as I leaned down and kissed her, telling her with my lips rather than my words how grateful I was to have her in my life. We kissed gently for a few moments, but inevitably, our tongues sought each other out and we ended up crushed together, my hard cock pressed into her thigh as our hands roved over each other. Bella broke away, panting and wiping her mouth as she grinned up at me.

"Why don't we get you some breakfast, since it's nearly lunchtime?"

I chuckled and nodded.

"Then I think we should just lie around for the afternoon. We both had a long, hard week. Do you want to watch a movie?"

After my breakfast and Bella's lunch we did just that, and it was exactly what I needed. But unlike when we usually watched movies, we stayed in our pajamas all afternoon, and Bella went from sitting next to me, to laying her head on my shoulder, to resting across my lap. We didn't talk, but every so often, somehow, we'd end up kissing until one of us broke away before it went too far. It was a fantastic afternoon. I hadn't felt this close to someone—well, ever, that I could remember.

Around four o'clock, Bella's phone rang, and she reluctantly got up to retrieve it from the counter and answer it.

"Hello? Hi Alice! Oh, fine…yes…yes, he is, and so am I. Oh, I don't think so…not tonight—"

"Bella, does Alice want us to go out tonight?" I interrupted her.

"Hold on, Alice,**" **Bella told her before turning to me. "Yes, she was calling to see if we'd be meeting them tonight, but I thought—"

"Why don't we go?" I suggested. "We couldn't go last week because of my migraine, and I spent most of the week being antisocial. Unless you really don't want to…"

"Um, actually, I thought that you wouldn't want to," she replied. "But I'm happy to go if you're up for it."

"Sure, let's go," I told her.

She smiled at me warmly and told Alice we'd meet them at seven.

"Are you sure about this?" she asked me as she hung up the phone.

"Yes, I'm sure. I could use to relax and have a few drinks after the week I've had."

She grinned at me. "I'll drive."

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It was a typical Saturday night at Tyler's—indie band on the stage and a crowd of boisterous twenty- and thirty-somethings talking and laughing as they mingled. We held hands as we made our way across the bar, and as we approached our usual table, I saw Alice's eyes widen as she took in our joined hands, and then she nudged Jasper and nodded in our direction. Jasper met my eyes and gave me an appreciative nod, and I grinned back at him. I could tell it was going to be a good evening.

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A/N: Isn't it great to see him relaxing a little, and actually listening to the voice of reason (AKA Bella)? I have a feeling it's going to be an interesting night at the bar…

Lovely manip over in the Facebook group! Go check it out!


	17. Chapter 16

**Chapter 16**

**Bella**

As we walked into Tyler's, I swear every girl's head turned to look at Edward. He looked…amazing tonight. When he'd come out of the bedroom to leave, it had taken all I had not to turn him right around and march him back down the hall while stripping him of every stitch of clothing. His navy blue t-shirt was form-fitting, accentuating the muscles on his chest to the point where I wanted to slide my hands up under the cotton and feel the smooth hardness of his pecs. And his hair? Oh my God, I hadn't known I had such a thing for it until I had realized that every time I'd kissed him today, my fingers had been clenched in his unruly copper brown locks, making them look much as they did right now—as if he'd just had a good fuck and someone had been running their fingers through his hair the whole time. But it was more than that. The smile that he'd given me as he crossed the room to kiss me had literally lit up the whole apartment. He looked happier and more confident than I'd ever seen him…and it was beyond sexy. Every girl in this bar could see it, and every single one of them saw that I was holding his hand.

A self-satisfied smile spread across my face as we made our way to our usual table.

Alice and Jasper were already there, and Alice's face lit up as she saw my hand in Edward's. When she looked at me questioningly, I nodded my head, and she launched herself out of the booth and nearly knocked me over in her excitement. She hugged me jubilantly as she whispered, "I told you so!" in my ear. Then she immediately rounded on Edward. "It certainly took you long enough!" she scolded.

He looked a little taken aback at first, but he recovered himself quickly. "Well, some of us are just not as bright as you are, Alice," he retorted, managing both to compliment her and deflect any additional questions.

She reached up and threw her arms around his neck, much to his surprise, and I heard her whisper in his ear, "Well, at least you finally came to your senses!"

He chuckled, giving her a playful peck on the cheek as she withdrew her arms, and she blushed. I had never seen anyone manage to make Alice blush before—not even Jasper.

We settled into our side of the round booth, and our hands remained clasped under the table.

"So how was your week?" Jasper asked Edward, starting off the conversation with just about the worst possible question.

A shadow crossed Edward's face for a moment, but I squeezed his hand under the table and brought my other hand over and gently caressed his forearm. He shook his head, as if to clear it.

"Pretty rotten. I had the worst migraine I've ever had last weekend, and it took a few days to get over it…but the end of the week was fantastic," he said, casting me a sideways glance and grinning.

Alice flicked her eyes to me, silently asking if she could inquire how we'd ended up together, and I widened my eyes a bit and shook my head once to tell her to leave it alone. I knew Edward didn't want to tell anyone else what he'd remembered, and I didn't want to have him put on the spot for it so soon after deciding to let it go.

"Well, at least your week had a happy ending," Jasper commented, grinning and winking at Edward.

I saw the color creeping up Edward's neck as he ducked his head, and the meaning of Jasper's words suddenly dawned on me. Edward was trying to keep a straight face, but the smirk that he just couldn't contain said it all. Alice cuffed Jasper before I recovered enough to do it.

"What?" he said, giving her his best innocent look.

"_Any_way," Alice interjected. "We're so happy that the two of you are a couple now and that everything worked out. Let's celebrate!"

"Absolutely," said Edward. "After the week I've had, I certainly could use a few beers, and Bella becoming my girlfriend is definitely a cause for celebration." He squeezed my hand, dazzling me with his smile. "I've got the first round—your choice, Bella."

And so the evening went, with pleasant conversation and plenty of alcohol. After the third round, Edward looked loosened up enough that I thought I'd take a chance and ask him to dance with me. I figured he would say no, but he surprised me by taking my handing and kissing it, and leading me into the crush of bodies in the middle of the dance floor.

What surprised me even more was that he could dance! I was sure the beer helped, but I could tell from the way he moved that he was no stranger to the club scene, and I wondered in what city and with whom he'd done this before. The thought wasn't unpleasant, but I was reminded what it must be like to be him and to be asking the same questions about your own life. I threw my arms around his neck and ground up against him, willing us both to forget about that and pay attention only to right now. He responded instantly, pulling me to him tightly and lifting me off my feet, allowing my body to slide down his from the difference in our heights. He circled around me and molded to my back, his arms around my waist and his head nestled in the side of my neck. I could feel his erection pressing against my ass as we danced, his lips lacing soft kisses along my neck in between the low groans I elicited by pressing my hips back against him.

"Bella, we'd better stop this unless you want me to grope you in the middle of the dance floor, and if that happens, it's definitely going to lead to other things," he whispered huskily into my ear.

At that moment, I really didn't want to stop, but I reminded myself that we had a bedroom waiting at home and that we still had to live in this town tomorrow.

I turned around to face him and grabbed both of his hands, leading him off the dance floor and back to our table. Alice and Jasper followed along behind us.

Jasper disappeared for a few minutes, and when he returned, he was carrying four shot glasses in his hands and had the waitress in tow carrying another round of beer.

"Who's up for shots? Edward?"

Edward smirked at Jasper, then looked over at me.

"You do them with him. Someone's got to get us home," I chastised him teasingly.

His expression turned serious. "Bella—"

I leaned in toward him so only he could hear me. "Edward, it's fine. We're having a good time tonight, and I'm happy that you're able to relax. Have fun with Jasper. Just make sure I don't have to carry you home."

"Yes, ma'am," he said cockily, reminding me of another day long ago. But this time, he _was_ the confident man that I'd only glimpsed back then. I smiled to myself as I thought about just how far he'd come.

Meanwhile, Alice had also declined doing shots so she could drive herself and Jasper home, so that left two shots of Jack Daniels each for Jasper and Edward.

They quirked their eyebrows at each other and then did both shots in rapid succession, chasing the strong whiskey down with beer. As soon as his beer bottle touched the table, Edward's arm made its way around my waist, and he pulled me over to him possessively.

"Would you like a taste?" he asked slowly and seductively, his eyes boring into mine as he leaned toward me.

I saw his tongue flick out to run along his bottom lip, and I was gone in an instant, my lips pressed to his, tasting the smoky flavor of the whiskey as our tongues tangled. I felt the now-familiar twinge in my belly as I turned toward him, my hand sliding up his back to grasp the hair at the nape of his neck as we kissed passionately.

I jumped as Jasper wolf-whistled at us, but Edward kept his arm firmly around me and turned slowly toward him. "I've waited a long time to do that," he said.

"And you certainly do it well," Alice piped up, fanning herself.

Edward chuckled and bowed grandly in his seat. "Why, thank you," he replied, turning to chastely kiss me on the lips again.

We chatted for a while about this and that, and by the time the band finished their last set, I was ready to go.

"Well, now that the boys are all liquored up, should we take them home?" asked Alice as she playfully batted Jasper's roving hands away from her waist.

"I suppose," I replied in a resigned voice, trying not to look at Edward and give myself away.

He was looking at me, though, his slightly glassy eyes ravaging me as I did my best to look bored. I had him for a moment, because suddenly he looked confused, but the minute I cracked a smile, he knew I'd been playing him. He grabbed me around the waist again, burying his face in my hair. "I do believe you're teasing me, Miss Swan," he whispered, making a shiver rocket down my spine.

We got up from the table, and Edward put his arm around my shoulders as we made our way across the bar. By the time we got outside, I realized that while affectionate, it was more to keep his balance than anything. The boy was completely shit-faced.

We said our goodnights to Jasper and Alice, Jasper similarly gripping Alice's shoulder as she and I rolled our eyes at each other. Men.

I took Edward around to his side of the truck, and he didn't object, letting me open the door so he could climb onto the seat. He grabbed my chin and brought me in for a kiss before I left, and I finally had to bat his hands away so I could drive us home.

As we drove, Edward put his window down, sticking his chin out to feel the air on his face, eyes closed.

"Are you all right?" I asked, glancing over at him.

"I'm fantastic," he replied, sliding away from the window and coming over to rest his head on my shoulder. His warm breath tickled against my collarbone, and I shivered in anticipation as I felt his lips brush against my neck.

As I pulled in front of the apartment, his kisses became more passionate and insistent, and his hand wound its way between my legs to palm against my pussy.

I moaned softly, but I wasn't going to give in that easily. "You're drunk," I told him matter-of-factly, and the wounded look that he gave me was so comical that I couldn't help but laugh.

He ignored me and replied with all the indignance he could muster, "I most ccccertainly am _not_!" The slur was unmistakable…and endearing.

I raised my eyebrows at him, still laughing. "Edward, you are completely shit-faced, and I can't believe you have the balls to try to deny it!"

He squinted at me, and I could almost see him acknowledge to himself that he couldn't pull off sober. "Okay," he conceded. "I may be a little tipsy..."

"A little?" I said incredulously. "Did you miss the part where I put you in the truck a few minutes ago?"

"Well...I may have played that up a little bit just so you'd let me keep my arm around you," he said guiltily, his hand again sliding between my legs.

"Drunk _and_ horny," I scoffed. "Do the two always go hand in hand with you?" I asked without thinking, but as I saw his brow knit in confusion, I knew I'd been caught. _Oh shit._

"Wait. The only other time you've ever seen me drunk was that night you came home and found me on the couch...the one that I can't remember..." he thought out loud, putting the pieces together quite quickly, despite his inebriated state.

"What happened that night?" His eyes widened as he stared at me. "Oh shit, did we…?"

"No, but if you hadn't passed out, I think we would have. You certainly wanted to," I admitted, grinning at him.

"That's why you were so pissed at me the next morning! Fuck!" he exclaimed, dry-washing his face with his hand.

"I wasn't angry because you came on to me," I said slowly, wanting him to know the truth now.

"Well, then why?" he asked, looking completely confused.

"I was angry because I'd finally gotten up the nerve to tell you how I felt about you, and then you didn't remember a goddamn thing!"

"Oh," he responded, nonplussed. "But why didn't you just tell me what had happened and—"

"And what?" I interrupted him. "How would you have responded if I had told you that we'd almost had sex the night before and that I had feelings for you?"

"Um…well, at that point, I probably would have been mortified and I would have thought about leaving."

"Exactly. Which is why I didn't tell you," I finished, wanting him to understand. "It just wasn't the right time, and when you didn't remember, it was a good thing, I think. It let us get to where we are now."

He glanced up at me, his green eyes flashing as a coy grin spread across his face. "You knew you loved me that long ago?"

"Well, I knew that what I felt for you was more than friendship," I hedged.

"I see," he said condescendingly.

"Let's go in the house," I suggested, not really wanting to have a relationship discussion with a drunken Edward.

"Excellent idea." He smirked at me, pulling me across the bench seat in the truck and out the passenger side with him.

He draped his arm over my shoulder, leaning just as he had before, and I chuckled, remembering his declaration that he'd been faking it. I unlocked the door, and the next thing I knew, we were inside and Edward had me up against the back of the door, his erection pressing hot and solid against my pussy as he laid both his hands along my jaw and kissed me urgently. I wound my arms around his shoulders and up into his hair, pulling him even closer as I thrust my tongue into his mouth.

Suddenly, he pulled away from the kiss, breathing heavily.

"What's wrong?" I asked, wondering if he'd drunk enough to make himself sick.

"No…no. I don't…want to take advantage of you," he said, looking at me seriously. "Two days ago, I took what I wanted without telling you I was planning to leave, and I promised myself that I'd never do that again. And now, here I am drunk and ready to do it again," he said, his breathing finally under control.

Christ, even drunk off his ass, the boy still had morals. How did I get so ridiculously lucky? "What if I want you to?" I asked just as seriously.

The lust in his eyes was unmistakable. "If you want me to, we're not even going to make it to the bedroom, but if you say, 'You're drunk, Edward…go sleep it off,' then that's exactly what I'll do. I don't want to do anything you don't want me to."

It took everything I had to keep a straight face, because although his words said he'd stop, I didn't think he had any idea that his hands had crept up my shirt and he was running his thumbs over my nipples. He wanted me badly tonight, and I was only too happy to oblige.

"Fuck me, Edward," I purred in his ear.

"Oh…" he moaned raggedly. "Say that again."

"Fuck me, Edward," I repeated, accentuating every word as I spoke breathily into his ear.

"Oh, thank God," he muttered into my hair as he ground his erection against me.

His arms slid around my back, and his lips brushed under my chin, forcing my head up so he could lay a trail of hot, wet kisses all along my jaw. I threw my head back with a gasp, baring my neck for him even more as he bit gently under my earlobe, and my hands scrabbled for purchase on his shoulders as he pressed me harder against the door. I could feel every inch of his rock hard cock as he moved against me, both of us moaning as the friction mounted in all the right places. But it wasn't enough… I wanted more.

I pulled on the sleeves of his shirt, and he moved back just enough to rip it over his head. My hands cupped his pecs, my thumbs rubbing over the taut flesh of his nipples as he gasped, eyes closed and head thrown back in pleasure. I took advantage and pressed my lips to his chest, throwing my arms around his neck and kissing my way upward. He circled his hands under my ass, lifting so that my legs wrapped around his waist as I continued to kiss the tender skin at the base of his throat.

I explored him thoroughly, drawing soft moans as I worked my way up toward his jaw. Suddenly, I found a spot under his right ear that drove him wild. He gasped as I focused my attention there, and I could feel his legs trembling as he supported both our weights.

"Jesus, Bella," he whispered raggedly as he panted into my ear.

The raw pleasure in his voice sent a jolt of electricity between my legs, and I felt my pussy clench as wetness gathered there.

"I need…to feel you," he murmured, opening his eyes so I could see the lust burning there.

He supported me under my arms as I untangled my legs from his waist, and the minute my feet touched the ground, he tore my shirt over my head and reached around to unhook my bra. Both fell to the floor as he filled his hands with my breasts, his thumbs circling over the soft flesh and causing it to pebble as my nipples hardened, tingling with sensation.

I inhaled sharply as he took one in his mouth, biting and sucking gently as I began to pant.

"You like that, don't you?" he purred against me, blowing on the skin he'd just released and causing a shiver to roll down my spine.

"Mmmm," was all I could manage in response as he continued to lavish my chest with his attention.

I reached forward and put my fingers under the waistband of his boxer briefs, feeling his abs spasm as I teasingly ran my fingers along the skin there. I dipped a hand down into his shorts and was rewarded with a guttural moan as my fingers came in contact with his sensitive head. I unbuttoned his shorts with my other hand, pulling everything down and away so that his cock jutted outward, the sight of it causing my breath to catch as I imagined him inside me again. I ran my fingers along his shaft, and he inhaled rapidly, groaning as I encircled him and began a slow stroking motion.

"Oh, Bella," he murmured, his hands and lips now stilled as he gave himself over to the pleasure I was giving him.

I watched, mesmerized, as he leaned his head back, one hand reaching out blindly for the wall behind me as he gasped in rhythm with my downstrokes.

"Oh, fuck," he panted, eyes closed, his eyebrows scrunched in concentration and his whole being focused on the motion of my hand over his cock. The sight took my breath away, and I wanted to touch myself as I watched him.

Not breaking my rhythm, I slid my hand into my panties, my fingers unerringly finding my clit and rubbing gently as I watched Edward begin to buck his hips into my fist. Suddenly, he covered my hand with his own, stilling me, his breath coming in ragged gasps as he willed himself not to come. I moved my hand away from my clit, knowing that the sight of me pleasuring myself wouldn't help him regain control.

After a moment or two, he opened his eyes, his gaze hard with need and desire as his eyes ravaged me.

"Can I show you what I wanted to do on the dance floor tonight?" he asked seductively.

My heart pounded in my chest, remembering the whisper of his breath on my neck and the feel of his cock against my ass. I nodded slowly because I didn't think I could speak.

He stepped out of his shorts and reached down to remove mine before turning me so I was facing the doorknob, and then he circled around behind me. He brought his right arm over my shoulder and breasts, gripping under my armpit as he ghosted his other hand down my side. His lips pressed against my shoulder, lacing soft kisses there as I brought one hand up to grip his muscled bicep, the other tangling in his hair.

"I love you so much, Bella," he whispered against the point where my neck and shoulder joined, causing me to tremble with emotion. "This is what I wanted to do to you tonight, in front of all those people," he whispered.

I felt two of his fingers enter my pussy from behind, thrusting for a moment before his hand guided his cock to my entrance. He rubbed the tip over my clit first, causing us both to gasp and hold each other tighter, and then he pushed himself all the way in.

He exhaled shakily, pulling his arm back across my chest and cupping my breasts with his hands. He leaned our shoulders against the door for support, and he slowly slid backward and then pushed himself in again, a low moan rumbling in his chest.

He began to move then, his breath hot on my shoulder as he flicked his hips back and forth, and I brought my hands up to cover his, our fingers entwining over my breasts. I lifted my leg and pressed it against the wall behind us to give him a better angle, and we both groaned as he pressed in deeper, his cock grazing the back wall of my pussy again and again. I threw my head back, and he kissed my exposed throat, but he was too lost in sensation to keep it up for long.

I tore one hand free and began to rub my clit as Edward's breath came faster and heavier against my shoulder, his rhythmic thrusting turning erratic as he got closer and closer.

"Oh fuck, Bella, I'm gonna come so hard…" he panted against my shoulder, and the mere thought was enough to bring me to climax, my walls spasming hard around his thrusting cock as I moaned on sharp breaths. He pounded into me twice more before he cried out in pleasure, grunting as he came and burying his head in my shoulder.

We froze there for a moment, both of our chests heaving as we slowly came back to ourselves.

"Wow," Edward gasped, still out of breath. "That was…wow."

His hands left my breasts and came to rest on my shoulders as he slowly pulled out and leaned against the wall behind him, resting his head back against the smooth surface and closing his eyes.

I turned toward him and laid one hand along his jaw, gently caressing his cheek with my thumb. "Wow," I agreed as he dropped his chin to look at me.

"I hate to break the mood, but I think it's time for me to lie down," he slurred gently. "My knee's had enough, and I'm a little dizzy."

"Let's do that," I agreed, draping his arm over my shoulder and leading him through the living room and down the hallway.

He sat on the edge of the bed, still naked, and slipped off his knee brace, massaging his kneecap gently for a moment before lying down on his side. He was out almost before his head hit the pillow, a smile playing at his lips even in sleep.

I grinned as I looked down at him, still amazed at the difference in him since he'd decided to let go of his past. I was blissfully happy.

I pulled on a tank top and panties and crawled into bed behind him, cuddling up against his backside and threading an arm under his and around his waist. He mumbled in his sleep and his hand found mine, pulling me closer as I joined him in slumber.

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A/N: I got nothin'. These two have rendered me speechless… Wait, I do have something—sexy pix over on the FB group!


	18. Chapter 17

**Chapter 17**

**Bella**

I woke to sunlight streaming through the bedroom blinds, my arm still wrapped around Edward. I tightened my grip, kissing his neck gently as he stirred. He rolled onto his back and turned his face toward me, opening one eye a crack to peer at me.

"Hi," I said, trying not to smirk, because I knew he'd be hung over. "How are you this morning?"

"Headache," he replied groggily, throwing an arm over his eyes.

"Migraine?" The smirk slid off my face.

"No, just...ow..." he groaned.

I smiled again and gently fingered the hair on his forehead. "Yeah, that would be those shots you did with Jasper talking. Not your best idea."

He peeked out from under his arm, narrowing his eyes and frowning at me.

"I wasn't an ass, was I? I don't remember being an ass."

"No, you weren't an ass. You were the perfect gentleman. But...you were pretty entertaining."

"Great," he muttered. "I'm glad I amused you."

"Do you remember...?"

"Yes, I think so," he interrupted, reaching over to cup his hand on my cheek. "The important parts, anyway. It was...a good evening."

"Yes," I agreed, rolling on top of him. "Very good."

He closed his eyes and grunted as I settled over his waist, and I lifted my other leg over him and made to get off the bed.

"Hey," he said, as he grabbed my thigh and held on, trying to keep me there. "Come back."

I stopped and turned back toward him, leaning in. "Look me in the eye and tell me you don't feel like shit right now."

He stared back at me for a moment, then bit his lip and replied, "Um…"

"Exactly. I'm going to go get you some water and Tylenol."

He looked ready to argue with me for a moment, but I think he was beginning to figure out exactly how pointless that was when I'd made up my mind about something.

"All right," he conceded, closing his eyes and laying his head back against the pillow.

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**Edward**

When Bella came back, I took the Tylenol and water gratefully. I really did have a pretty nasty hangover, but it was worth it because we'd had a great time.

"Do you want to lie down for a while yet?" Bella asked, sitting on the bed beside me and running her fingers through my hair affectionately.

"Nah, I'll be all right once the Tylenol kicks in. I spent too much time in this room already this week," I answered as I sat up slowly, my thoughts going back to how rotten the last week had been.

"How's your knee this morning?" she asked, smirking at me.

"Not happy, but it was worth it," I replied, smirking right back at her.

I threw the blankets off my legs to reveal the swelling that I knew would be there, and Bella just shook her head.

"I should never have let you hold me up like that last night," she lamented.

I chuckled. "I think the dancing did the most damage anyway, but after you said yes, I don't think you could have stopped me," I told her, giving her my most charming smile.

"I think you're right," she said, leaning in to kiss me on the cheek.

I turned my head so that our lips met, exploring her mouth with my tongue while my mind replayed last night's activities. I was already hard, but the mere thought of taking her from behind like that made my cock twitch and my groin tingle with electricity.

"No," she said, as if she was reading my mind. "We've done enough damage to you for one day, and I'm hungry."

I raised my eyebrows at her suggestively.

"Not that kind of hungry!" she exclaimed, swatting away my hands, which had begun to make their way up under her tank top.

"Okay, okay, you win!" I conceded. "Let's go make breakfast."

"_I_ am going to make breakfast. _You_ are going to go ice your knee so that maybe by the time we're ready to go out, you'll be able to walk," she commanded, poking me in the chest for emphasis.

"Yes, ma'am," I replied, mock-saluting her.

"You know, you've turned into quite the smartass over the last few days," she teased, grinning at me playfully.

"Well, it's better than being a dumbass, I suppose," I quipped, not missing a beat. But then I wondered if she was being serious.

"I…think this is me," I added thoughtfully. "I've been pretty relaxed since Friday night, and this is who I am when I'm relaxed, I guess."

"I like it," she said, her soft brown eyes twinkling at me. "Come on. I'll make us some eggs."

She stood and headed out of the room, giving me a few minutes to get up and dress. I pulled on my pajamas from the day before and then tried to stand up normally. My knee gave the instant I put weight on it, and I almost fell, completely not expecting it. This was worse than I had thought. I got up again, keeping my weight on my left leg this time, and hopped down the hall.

"Oh damn, Edward," Bella said as I hopped across the living room.

"Doesn't want to hold my weight this morning. Maybe it'll be better after I ice it," I told her, settling on the couch and sliding a pillow under my knee.

"Maybe," she agreed, looking doubtful and concerned.

"I'm sure it'll be fine," I reassured her. "I don't think I twisted it, because it doesn't really hurt that much. Once the swelling goes down and I put the brace on, I think I'll be able to walk on it."

"Let's hope so," she said, handing me a steaming plate of scrambled eggs.

"Where did you want to go, anyway?" I asked as I dug in.

"I want to go see Emmett," she said as she sat down on the other end of the couch, staring pointedly at her plate.

My stomach turned as she said it. I instantly felt like a complete and total asshole. "Oh fuck. I've been so wrapped up in my own head this week that I almost completely forgot about what happened…and I've kept you away too because you were so worried about me. Oh, Bella, I'm _so_ sorry! I feel like a total ass."

"You're not an ass," she replied, warming up a little bit. "You had your own problems this week, and the timing wasn't your fault. I stopped over at lunchtime a few days, and I went over on Tuesday night, after you went to bed. I told them that you still weren't recovered from being so sick over the weekend."

"Thank you," I told her, thinking I didn't really deserve to have her covering for me. "Yes, we both definitely need to go over there today. How is he?"

"He seems to be doing pretty well, although I haven't talked to them since lunchtime on Friday. He was eager to see you, though. I think he still feels bad about what happened."

"I'll make sure he understands that he shouldn't feel that way," I told her, and she smiled warmly at me. "As to the timing of what I remembered, it _is _related to what happened with Emmett."

"Dammit, I knew you were lying to me when you said your migraine wasn't because of Emmett causing you stress!" she accused me, putting her plate down on the table and covering her face with her hand.

"No, it wasn't that," I said quickly, "and I didn't lie to you. Something Emmett said to me that day was exactly what had been said to me that night in the forest, and it triggered the memory. But everything happened so fast that day with Emmett, and then we spent the night in the hospital, and I didn't have the chance to really think about it until that Thursday night when I went to bed. Then that night, I had the dream where I could hear what they were saying, and then...I tried to remember…"

"…And that's what triggered the migraine," she finished for me.

"Yes, so it didn't have to do with what happened with Emmett directly. It had to do with me."

"What did Emmett say to you that triggered the memory?" she asked.

Damn, I had been hoping that we'd gotten far enough past that in the conversation that she wouldn't ask.

"Um…" I hesitated, trying to think of a way to avoid this without outright lying to her. There really wasn't one. I looked up, and she was watching me intently, waiting to see if I trusted her enough to tell her. She'd know in a minute, though, that that wasn't why I was hesitating. I didn't want her to be upset by how close Emmett had actually come to shooting me.

I took a deep breath. "What he said was, 'I'll make this quick and painless.'"

"Oh Edward…oh damn," she said, coming over and sitting on the edge of the couch next to me, her hand caressing the side of my face. "I didn't hear that part on my phone. I had no idea…"

"I think me remembering is actually what saved me. Whatever he saw on my face when I was in the memory was enough to confuse him, and it gave me a chance to think for a minute."

Bella covered her mouth with her hand. "Jesus…he really did almost shoot you, didn't he?"

I nodded.

She closed her eyes and bowed her head, and I slid my fingers gently under her chin, making her raise her eyes to me. "Hey, it really is okay. No one was hurt, and Emmett's getting better. And I'm going to figure out how to accept who I am—"

She looked at me sharply.

"—was, and everything is going to be fine."

I put my arms around her, and she laid her head on my shoulder. We sat there for a while, just holding each other and being, until the ice on my knee got so cold that I had to take it off.

We lounged around for the morning so I could continue icing my knee on and off, and by lunchtime, the swelling had gone down completely. With the brace on, my leg would hold my weight if I limped heavily, but Bella suggested that I just use a crutch for the day, rather than risk making it worse. I reluctantly agreed.

On the ride over to her dad's place, I started thinking about how much things had changed this week. Charlie was pretty observant. He'd know that something was up.

"Bella, are you planning to tell your dad and Emmett about us today?" I asked, trying to sound casual.

"Um, well, we probably should," she responded nervously.

_Thank God I'm not the only one… _

"I think they'll be fine with it, though. They like you."

"Yeah," I agreed, but suddenly, my palms were sweaty and my stomach was in knots. It was one thing to be staying at Bella's place. It was quite another to basically acknowledge to her father that I'd fucked her.

When we got there, Charlie and Emmett were watching a rerun of a Seahawks game on TV—a typical Sunday afternoon pastime for them.

Emmett glanced up as we walked in, and a smile lit up his face as he looked at Bella. His eyes then roved over me and he looked a little unsure, but when they landed on the crutch under my arm, he looked at me with concern.

"Hey, Bella. Hey, Edward…what the hell happened to you?" he asked bluntly, gesturing at the crutch.

"Your sister took me dancing," I told him, and he laughed aloud.

"I'm serious!" I insisted. "We went to Tyler's with Alice and Jasper last night."

"Bella doesn't dance," Emmett declared, and I flicked my eyes to Bella in surprise. Her cheeks were a ruddy shade of pink, and she shrugged at me.

"Well, she did last night," I replied, and Charlie looked between Bella and me curiously.

This was not how I wanted to tell Bella's family about us. I went over to sit down beside Emmett, but before I could, he stood up and clasped my free hand. "Hey, man."

"Hey," I replied. "How are you doing, Emmett?"

"Pretty well, actually. When I was in the hospital, they started me on a new medicine that feels more 'normal' to me. I get to go back to work tomorrow, so we'll see how it goes."

"That's great," I said. "I'm so sorry that I didn't get over here to see you sooner. Last week was…not a good one for me."

"It's all good," he replied cheerfully. "Bella said you weren't feeling well last week, so I figured we'd see you when you were better."

I smiled at him and asked, "So, what are you watching today?"

We launched into a football-laden discussion while Bella sat across the room and grinned at me.

The room had finally settled into companionable silence as we watched the game, when Charlie said, "So…dancing…"

_Here we go…_

"Yes," Bella replied. "We went out last night to celebrate, and I decided to live a little."

"What were you celebrating?" Emmett asked innocently.

I swallowed and piped up before Bella could answer. "Bella and I are dating now."

"That's awesome, man," Emmett enthused, clapping me on the back. "I always thought you two would end up together."

I glanced over at Charlie, and his gaze was fixed on me. _Man up, Edward! Fathers, and particularly cops, can smell fear_. "Thanks, Emmett. We're both really happy," I said, looking at Charlie the whole time.

"Yes, we are," Bella agreed, and now Charlie's eyes shifted to her, weighing the situation. She met his eyes unflinchingly, and he seemed satisfied with what he saw.

"That's nice," he said noncommittally, and I had to stop myself from breathing an audible sigh of relief. _That wasn't so bad…_

We spent the afternoon talking and watching football, and we even stayed for supper. It was a warm, early August day, so we decided to just grill out and sit on the back porch until twilight came and the bugs started biting.

As we walked back into the house, Emmett looked at me sadly. "I still feel bad about what I put you through. I almost wish that I couldn't remember what I'd done. It would be easier that way."

"Don't say that," I said a little too quickly. "It's _never_ easier not to remember."

His eyes widened as the impact of what he'd said hit home. "Oh, Edward, I didn't mean—"

"It's fine. I know what you meant," I said more calmly, taking a deep breath. "Just trust me that it's better to know exactly what happened and deal with it, rather than wondering what you've done. And honestly, Emmett, you made a mistake, and luckily, there were no major consequences. You didn't hurt anyone, and I know you never meant for it to happen. It's over. Let it go."

He cracked a small smile. "Thanks, man. I'll try."

I could feel Bella's eyes on me as we walked into the living room, and as I turned around, she gave me a satisfied, but sad smile.

As we said good night, Charlie dropped a hand on my shoulder and said, "Take care of my girl," all the while giving me the "I know you're fucking my daughter" look.

I did my best not to turn green as I said, "I will, sir," and then we were out the door and heading for the car.

"That wasn't so bad, now was it?" Bella asked as we got in the truck.

"No, not bad at all," I agreed, just glad to have it over with.

We rode home in companionable silence, holding hands, and when we got there, it dawned on me that tonight would be the first ordinary night that we went to bed together. Last night, I had been drunk and we'd made love in the living room first, and the night before had been when I told her who I had been…

As we walked into the apartment, I saw her glance quickly at the couch, which had been her bed for the past two months. I took her hand and looked into her deep brown eyes, saying, "You _are_ planning to sleep in the bedroom with me, aren't you?"

"Yes, I'd like that," she replied almost shyly, reaching up to chastely kiss me on the lips.

I smiled as we made our way down the hall. This was the way it was supposed to be. It just felt…right.

The TLC I'd given my knee all day had paid off. It was now willing to bear my weight with only a slight limp necessary. I was relieved because I'd been worried that I'd actually done damage last night—it had been pretty sore both then and all day today, despite what I'd told Bella.

We changed into our pajamas and lay down together, turning out the lights as we turned to find each other in the dark. We kissed gently at first, but before long, our tongues were entwined as Bella palmed my erection and I circled my thumbs around her hardened nipples.

"Don't we have work tomorrow?" I asked as I laced kisses under her jaw.

"What's your point?" she asked bluntly as she began stroking me earnestly, turning my weak protests into moans of pleasure.

It was a long time before we went to sleep.

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**Bella **

I startled awake in the middle of the night, completely disoriented. After a moment, I realized Edward was beside me, sitting up, hugging his knees to his chest, and trembling. I sat up and gently laid my hand on his shoulder, and he turned his head slightly to acknowledge me. His hair was damp at the temples from sweat, and he was breathing heavily.

"Nightmare?" I asked softly, and he just nodded his head.

I put my arms around him and laid my head on his shoulder, and he released his hold on his knees, allowing me to burrow my head under his arm as he lay back on the bed. I curled in tightly against him, and he held me, resting his chin on top of my head. After a few moments, his tremors stopped, and after a few more, I felt his muscles relax into sleep. I lay there awake for a while, wondering how often this had happened to him over the last few months and how much harder it had been to deal with all alone. Eventually, I fell into a restless sleep.

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I awoke to the feeling of someone brushing my hair off my face, and I jumped, for a moment having no idea who was with me. I opened my eyes to find Edward's vivid green ones staring back at me, a soft smile on his face.

"I didn't mean to wake you," he said, tucking the errant hair behind my ear.

"What were you doing?" I asked, my voice still groggy with sleep.

"I…like watching you sleep. This is only the second time I've ever gotten to do it."

I smiled. "How long have you been watching me?"

"Oh, just a few minutes," he said quickly. "I just woke up, and you looked so peaceful. I was just lying here and thinking…"

"You think too much," I said teasingly, but I was wondering if he was thinking about the nightmare he'd had last night.

"Maybe," he conceded. "Life's given me a lot to think about lately, and not all of it's bad."

"Well, I guess if you put it that way…" I trailed off as I leaned in to kiss him.

He responded instantly, deepening the kiss with a thrust of his tongue and pulling me close enough so that I could feel his erection between us.

"We have to work today," I reminded him between kisses.

"What's your point?" he asked coyly, borrowing my line from the previous night as he ghosted his lips over my breast, his warm breath and the soft brush of his stubble hardening my nipple even through my tank top.

I closed my eyes and moaned softly, but I knew I had a patient scheduled for nine o'clock. "My _point_," I said, moving back so I could jab him in the chest for emphasis, "is that we need to get up and get ready, and we can continue this tonight."

"You promise?" he said seductively, snaking a hand up under my tank top to massage my nipple.

"I promise," I answered, running my hand up and down the length of his cock as I sat up and hopped off the bed. I was rewarded with a gasp and a groan as he rolled facedown onto the spot I'd just vacated.

"You _are_ a tease," he complained as he sat up, running a hand absently through his hair.

I grinned impishly, but turned a little serious for a moment. "I'm just…happy. And I'm happy to see that you are too."

He smiled warmly at me, then went right back to being a smartass. "Obviously," he intoned, looking pointedly down at the bulge in his pajama pants. Then he limped across the room and gave me a quick kiss on the lips before heading for the shower.

Oh God, if we didn't have to work today… I was still marveling at the difference in Edward since Friday night. I loved that he was being so cocky and playful. That part of his nature had been buried under insecurity almost the entire time I had known him, and to see it come out like this was proof positive of the changes in the way he was thinking. I just hoped that it would continue and that he'd be able to let go of the baggage of his past.

We got ready, and I dropped Edward off at Olympic Outfitter's. He was now working eight-hour days there, so it made sense for me to take him before I started work at nine and then pick him up at five.

I wandered through my day thinking about the weekend and Edward, and Jasper had to elbow me a few times between patients when he or Rosalie was talking to me, grinning at me wickedly the entire time.

When I pulled up to pick Edward up from work, he hopped around to the side of the truck, pain etched clearly on his face.

I heard him wince as he got in, laying his head back against the seat and closing his eyes. I could see that his knee was swollen to the point that we were going to have a hard time getting the brace off, and the tension in his arms and neck muscles told me he was in some serious pain.

"Are you okay? What the hell happened?" I burst out, unable to contain my worry.

He was quiet for a few moments as I drove, and then huffed out an exasperated breath. "I…did something stupid," he said, his eyes still closed and his breathing uneven. "There were some boxes that needed to be carried to the back of the store, and I thought I could get them myself. I hate having to ask Mike to do that kind of thing still, and I thought I could handle it. I did just fine until the last one. Halfway to the back, I stepped wrong somehow and felt my knee twist against the brace. It hurt like hell, and I couldn't walk after that."

I sighed in frustration as I parked in front of the apartment. "Seriously? After just having it swollen yesterday from dancing, _this_ is what you do?"

His eyes flashed as he looked at me, clearly giving me a look that said, "Aren't I suffering enough?"

I immediately backed off. "I'm sorry, I'm frustrated_ for_ you, not _with_ you. Let me go get your crutches from the house for you, and then we'll try to figure out if you actually tore something."

He nodded his head, closing his eyes again.

He got into the house easily enough using the crutches, and I took him back to the bedroom and had him lie down on the bed. I slid his brace off gently, but he still hissed as I lifted his leg to slide the brace out from under it. He was able to bend his leg pretty easily, so I got ready to do the critical test.

"Okay, if you tore your PCL again, this is really going to hurt," I prepared him, and he gritted his teeth as he met my eyes.

I pressed on his shin, but he didn't cry out in pain. Thank God! No new tear. I did a few other diagnostic motions with his leg, none of which resulted in a response from him. Finally, I lifted his foot off the bed and then bent his leg toward me, and he cried out as he sat up and clutched it.

"Holy fuck, that hurt!" he exclaimed, his face still scrunched in pain.

"I'm sorry! It was the only way to tell for sure if you'd torn anything!" I apologized.

"I know," he said tightly. "What's the verdict?"

"Well, the good news is I'm pretty sure you didn't tear anything new. Otherwise, you would have reacted like you just did when I had you bend your knee at ninety degrees and when I pressed on your shin. The fact that you're only having severe pain when your knee bends across the sagittal plane means that you likely just twisted it, without doing any real damage."

He looked at me strangely. "You really do know your shit, don't you?"

"Well, it is my job," I said defensively.

"Yeah…" He paused for a moment, lost in thought. "Well, at least I didn't do any new damage, although I wouldn't have guessed that from how much it fucking hurts," he muttered, looking down at the bedspread.

"Do you want to go and have it checked out?" I asked. "I could always be wrong…"

"No, I'd rather not see the inside of the ER tonight if you don't think it's necessary," he replied, sounding dejected.

"Hey, it'll be okay," I said, finally feeling like I could comfort him now that my worries that he'd really hurt himself were behind me. I caressed his cheek with my hand. "I'll be right back."

I went to the kitchen and got him a glass of water and then went into the bathroom for the codeine. I couldn't find it anywhere, so I headed back into the bedroom, saying, "Do you know where your codeine is? I wanted to get you some, and I can't find it."

He looked up at me in surprise, and then his cheeks turned crimson as his lips settled into a thin line. He reached into the top drawer of the nightstand and retrieved the bottle, taking out two pills. "Here. Take these and put them somewhere," he said, putting the bottle in my hand.

It was less than half full now, and my eyes widened in sudden understanding.

"It was hard to sleep last week, and when I did, I didn't want to dream," he explained, eyes downcast. "I know it was wrong and I don't think I have a problem or anything, but I have a feeling that the nightmares aren't going to stop, and I don't want to be tempted to do it again."

I nodded my head as I realized exactly how far things had gone for him last week, and for a moment, I wondered if he'd considered taking them further. I tightened my grip on the bottle as I tried to I shake off the thought.

"I'll give them to you as you need them, then," I told him, not really knowing what else to say.

"I'm okay, really," he reassured me. "I'm not in the same place I was then, and I don't think I'll be going back there."

"Good," I said, giving him a warm smile. "Why don't you just rest here until the codeine kicks in, and I'll go start dinner."

"Thanks, Bella," he replied, reaching out to cup my cheek with his hand. "I'm really sorry about this. This is not how I wanted this week to go."

"I know. But honestly, I'm not the one hurting. I feel bad for you more than anything."

He smiled at me half-heartedly and then lay back on the pillow with a sigh.

The swelling in his knee didn't go down despite ice and rest, so I convinced him to take Tuesday off and keep it elevated all day. He wasn't happy, but by the time I got home on Tuesday night, his knee looked normal and his mood had improved to match.

By Wednesday night, he was relaxed and playful again. His hands roved over me as we watched TV, and I swatted at him as he tried to slide a hand down my pajama pants. I hated to ruin his mood, but I really wanted to know his plans for his appointment with Angela the next day.

"So, you're going to see Angela tomorrow…" I led off with, hoping he'd continue without making me ask the question directly.

"Yes," he replied, giving me a sideways glance.

I waited expectantly.

After a moment of collecting his thoughts, he continued, "I'm going to tell her what I remembered and see if she can help me. I've been thinking about it a lot this week, and I really do want to move past it and let all of this go. I just…don't know how to."

He looked at me then, his brilliant green eyes piercing me with their sincerity. "I want to live my life with you now, and I don't want any of this getting in the way."

I stared at him for a moment, wondering if I'd actually heard him right or if my mind had added anything there that I really wanted to hear, because good God, that was _exactly _what I had wanted to hear!

"Really?" I asked, taken aback.

"Yes, really," he answered, leaning in to kiss me.

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A/N: Boy, everyone enjoyed last chapter's sexy times—thanks for the reviews! And in this one, Edward is moving closer to finally putting his past behind him. Do you think he'll be able to do it?

I want to take a moment and thank everyone for reading, and for leaving your comments and words of encouragement here or in the FB group. It really means a lot to me, and motivates me to keep writing! Thank you! Posting will be Mondays and Thursdays for the next two weeks—not sure what's going to happen US Thanksgiving week! Oh yes, and lovely new manip in the FB group!


	19. Chapter 18

**Chapter 18**

**Edward**

As I kissed her, I tried to convey that I really meant what I had said about wanting to let go of my past. It was going to be hard, though. With us going out and then going to her dad's on the weekend, I'd done a pretty good job forgetting everything else and just being with Bella, but as the week started and things returned to normal, my thoughts turned more and more to how and why I'd been a drug dealer.

Spending Tuesday at home had been…not a good thing from that perspective. I was pissed off that I'd managed to fuck up my knee again, and sitting on the couch for the day had given me way too much time to think. I was ready to move on with my life and stop waiting for my past to find me. That part was easy now. The part that was hard was not understanding the little bit I'd remembered. I wished I hadn't discovered that I'd been a drug dealer; then again, if I hadn't learned that, then I wouldn't have been willing to move on with my life. It was both a blessing _and_ a curse.

By the time Bella got home on Tuesday, I was confused and frustrated, but I pushed it all aside to try to enjoy just being with her. But it wasn't the same. I wasn't free. I was just hiding from what I didn't want to face, not dealing with it, and the evening felt hollow and forced to me. I didn't think Bella could tell, but I lay awake for a long time that night, thinking about what I really wanted out of life, and with what I knew at the moment, the answer was that I wanted to be with Bella. And to do that, I needed to be free. I needed to let it all go and not let it trouble me anymore, but I didn't know how. I still felt responsible and ashamed of who I'd been. I was disgusted to think that I was some low-life drug dealer and that in twenty-some years of life, I hadn't amounted to anything. It would have been more than I could handle still, if it hadn't been for Bella's love for me. She had only known me over the past few months, and she saw something good in me, so I had hope that I could redeem myself from whatever I had done.

I knew Bella thought I should tell Dr. Weber what I had discovered, but it had been hard enough just to tell Bella about something I saw as a failing in myself. But I was not getting anywhere dealing with it on my own, and I owed it to Bella to try everything I could to come to terms with this, since she had put her faith in me. I decided that I would talk to Dr. Weber about it this week.

On Thursday afternoon, I found myself outside Dr. Weber's office, trying to motivate myself to go in. This was likely to be the hardest session I'd ever had with her, even worse than the torturous session last week or when we'd discussed that I might never remember my past. _Fuck, I'm not a coward. I can do this! _I said to myself as I pushed the door open.

She was sitting behind her desk waiting for me, and her eyes widened as she saw the crutch under my arm. "Edward, what happened?"

"Hi, Dr. Weber. I did something I shouldn't have and twisted my knee. It's getting better, though. I should be walking again in a day or two," I assured her.

"Oh, that's good," she said, her face relaxing into a smile. "Have a seat, and let's get started. Oh, and Edward? We've known each other for four months now. Please, call me Angela."

I nodded and sat down in my usual chair, looking down at the floor for a moment as I gathered my resolve. I looked up to find her staring out the window, waiting patiently for me to begin and not pressuring me with her gaze.

"Dr. Weber—Angela—I…owe you an apology. I should have talked to you last week about what was going on with me, but I just didn't know how to. I…remembered something, and I didn't know how to deal with it, so I kept it to myself, and I was planning to leave."

"I knew something was really wrong, Edward. Bella called me on Wednesday night to warn me—"

"She did?" I interrupted, surprised.

"Yes, of course she did," she answered, looking at me as if I should have known better. "She cares about you a great deal, and she was frightened by your sudden change in behavior. She was hoping that if you wouldn't talk to her, at least you would talk to me."

Wow, I must have really scared Bella for her to reach out to my therapist about it. I didn't really think that I'd been hiding it well, but Bella had obviously grasped how serious it was, even though I'd been doing my best to avoid her.

"So are you planning to tell me what you remembered?" she asked me, her words direct but her gaze distant, allowing me a moment to consider.

"Yes, because I still don't know how to deal with it, and I need to move past it so I can get on with my life," I said firmly, still trying to get up the nerve to actually tell her.

She looked at me expectantly, but I knew that she'd wait for as long as it took for me to form the words. I took a deep breath, clenched my hands together in my lap, and thought about all the things that I wanted to do with Bella now that we were together.

"I've been having the same nightmare since before I left the hospital, but I know it's more than a dream. It's what actually happened on the night I was injured. Up until two weeks ago, I could see what was going on, but I couldn't make out what anyone was saying. And then all of a sudden, I could hear the words that went along with what I remembered.

"I…was a drug dealer in my former life. I don't remember anything about it, but something that was said to me in the dream made me remember. And I'm sure it's true, the same way that I'm sure that my name is Edward."

"I see," said Angela thoughtfully. "You seem much calmer than when you were here last time. What's different for you between this week and last week?"

"Bella," I said sheepishly. "I told her on Friday night. It doesn't matter to her who I...was. She only cares about who I am now. And...she told me she's in love with me."

I glanced up at Angela to find her grinning at me, a twinkle in her eye.

"I love her too," I declared, my confidence growing. "I don't want to remember who I was anymore. I want to find a way to accept what I've learned about myself so I can move on with my life...with Bella."

"Are you sure about that? For all the time I've known you, what you wanted most was to remember."

"Now I just want to forget," I replied, raking a hand through my hair. "And yes, I'm sure about it. For the first time since March, it's the one thing I'm sure of."

"Well, I'll do what I can to help you, but first, I need to know: what bothers you the most about what you've remembered?"

I looked at her incredulously. Was there anything that didn't bother me about what I'd remembered? I huffed out a breath and tried to calm myself. Snapping at her wasn't going to help, and it was me I was angry at anyway.

"I don't understand how the person I was then and the person I am now can be so different."

"What makes you so sure they're different?" she prodded gently.

"Because I just can't imagine how I would willingly choose to do that!" I retorted, already frustrated. "How could I possibly think that selling drugs and ruining people's lives was okay? The only thing I can think of is that the brain injury changed me somehow. Is that even possible?"

"Yes, it's possible," she conceded, "but I don't think it's likely. Oh, Edward, not everyone who gets involved with drugs does so because they want to, or because it's a truly conscious choice."

"Well, you have to make the choice to do it, right? There are always other, better options…"

"No, for some people there aren't," she interjected, shaking her head. "I'd like you to meet someone. He's an in-patient of mine in the hospital, for detox and rehab."

I know I blanched when she said it, immediately wondering if I'd ever been through detox and rehab and not wanting to see what it was like. Hell, I could have detoxed after my injuries—I was unconscious for so long and then on so many painkillers that I never would have known, and I didn't know if they ran a tox screen on me when then brought me in or not.

"Don't worry. He's nearing the end of his treatment, and I'll tell him that you're shadowing me today so that he won't question why you're there. I really think it will help you gain some perspective."

"All right," I responded uneasily. Angela always seemed to know what she was doing, so I opted to trust her, despite my own misgivings.

I followed her out of her office and down the hall, turning right and going through the big double doors that led to the psych ward of the hospital. I was familiar enough with this area, but I'd never been to the far end of the floor that was reserved for patients undergoing rehab. We stopped outside a room at the very end of the hall, and Angela knocked on the door softly.

I heard a voice quietly respond, and she turned to me and instructed, "Wait here, while I ask his permission for you to talk to him."

I nodded my head and stood nervously by the door, my hands shoved in my pockets to keep my fingers from drumming on anything. Despite the partially closed door and the distance, I could hear every word of their conversation.

"Hi, Ben. How are you today?"

"Pretty good, Dr. Weber. It's a good day."

"I'm so glad to hear that. Most of your days are good now, aren't they?"

"Yes, the bad ones don't happen that often anymore."

"That means you'll soon be ready to leave here." I could hear the smile in her voice. "I have a favor to ask of you today."

"Sure, name it," he replied eagerly.

"I have someone shadowing me today who's interested in counseling, and if you're willing, I'd like you to tell him your story. As we discussed a few weeks ago, it's important for you to be able to express your feelings and be positive about what you've accomplished, and I think that talking to him is a good way to begin doing that."

"Okay…sure." I could hear the hesitation in his voice as he thought it over. "I guess I can do that."

"Wonderful! I'll go get him and be back in just a minute."

Angela came back to the door and held it open for me. I took a deep breath and walked into the room.

It was not at all what I expected. The room was identical to the one that I had occupied on this ward four months earlier, and Ben was dressed in jeans and a t-shirt, not a hospital gown. His eyes and hair were a rich brown; his face and physique were those of someone who was healthy. The only hints that anything might be amiss were the dark circles under his eyes—he looked like someone who hadn't slept well in quite some time. He smiled at me cautiously as we entered the room, and I returned it, despite my nervousness.

"Ben, this is Edward. Edward, I'd like you to meet Ben. He's been a patient of mine for three months now and is nearing the end of his treatment. Today, he's going to tell you the story of how he got involved in dealing heroin, and how he got out of it."

I tried not to flinch when she said heroin, but I don't think I completely succeeded, because Ben's face closed a bit, as if I was judging him.

"Hi, Ben," I said warmly, doing my best to cover my slip.

He didn't know that as soon as Angela said it, I'd wondered if that's what I had sold. Nor did he know that I was having trouble dealing with my own past. I needed to try harder to contain my emotions and not think, to just listen to what he had to say.

"Hi," he responded a bit nervously.

"Why don't we all sit down," Angela said, and she encouraged Ben and me to sit on the two chairs at the small table on the other side of the room while she perched on the bed.

Once he was seated, Ben glanced up at me and then over toward Angela, who nodded encouragingly. He took a deep breath and began.

"Three years ago, when I was twenty, my parents were killed in a car crash. That left my sister, Lauren, and me alone. She was seventeen at the time. I dropped out of college and came home to live with her, and I got a job here in town, but it was barely enough to make ends meet. We struggled along for about a year, until she got sick.

"She was diagnosed with a brain tumor and had to have immediate surgery. We had no health insurance, so I got pretty desperate for money pretty quickly. When I moved back here, I started hanging out with some of my old high school friends, and as it turned out, a few of them sold pills as a side income. When they heard about my problems, they offered to cut me in so I could make some extra cash.

"I knew it was wrong, but I was desperate, so I did it. I never took any myself. I just sold them to guys around my age and older. Laruen's surgery was successful, but she had to have chemo afterwards, so the bills just kept mounting. My friends could see how underwater we were, so one day, one of them offered me heroin to sell. It made more money faster, so I really felt I had no choice but to agree. Selling heroin allowed me to pay all the medical bills and even to put a little away for Lauren to go to school when she got better."

He paused there and looked over at Angela again. She nodded at him, and he looked down at the table before continuing.

"One day, I had a new buyer who was nervous, and he insisted that I try what I was selling him before he'd buy it. I'd never done it before, but I was cocky, and I was so sure that just once wouldn't get me hooked…so I did it. And…I liked it so much that I did it again…and again. It got to the point where I wasn't selling any of what I got. I was just buying it myself, and all the money that I'd saved dried up.

"I hit rock bottom when I pulled a gun on one of my friends, threatening to kill him unless he gave me some of his stash. I got arrested and eventually ended up here. Once I got clean, I realized that I'd had good intentions, but I made worse and worse choices that led me into worse and worse places. Luckily, I was able to get out before I did something that landed me in serious debt, or worse, in prison. I never meant to become a dealer, much less an addict. But I've got my act together now, and Lauren started college this fall, and I think we're going to be okay."

Holy shit, it really _was _possible to get wrapped up in drugs without really meaning to and with the intention of doing something good. I realized that my mouth was hanging open a bit; I closed it quickly and made eye contact with Ben.

"Thank you for sharing your story with me. I'm so glad that your sister is okay and that you were able to get yourself out of trouble before things got too serious."

"Thanks," he answered, relaxing a little. "Dr. Weber has been great. She's helped me see that although I made mistakes, I could get out of my situation and start over."

"Yeah, she's really good at helping people deal with things that happen to them and helping them to accept it and move on," I added, casting her a sideways glance.

She smiled at the both of us and thanked Ben for talking with us. As we made our way back to her office, she glanced over at me. "Do you believe me now that there are people who get mixed up in the drug trade without meaning to and with the best of intentions?"

"Yes, I do," I replied, wondering why I hadn't thought about it this way before.

"I wanted you to talk to Ben so you could see the truth in his eyes and hear the regret in his voice. I could have just told you his story, but you would have thought it was—"

"—Bullshit," I finished for her. She was exactly right. I seemed to have this preconceived notion that everyone who sold drugs, myself included, did it purposefully, even though they had other options. I was starting to see that it was not that simple. The thought that maybe I had been backed into a corner somehow, too, made the whole thing a little bit easier to stomach. Maybe I had also made the wrong choice for the right reason.

She was quiet until we got back to her office. Once we sat down, she looked at me as if she was making up her mind about something, and then she started talking.

"Edward, from what you've told me today, it seems as if you're ready to start living for now and let go of trying to remember who you were. I think this is good, but I also think you need to let go of trying to figure out how you ended up a drug dealer. If your memory never comes back, you'll never know how you became a dealer. If your memory _does_ come back, then you'll know the reasons and have to come to terms with them. And it's entirely possible that, like Ben, you had a very good reason for whatever you did, and you'll understand your own choices easily. Give yourself some credit… You're a levelheaded guy, and it's very likely that there's a good explanation for everything. But right now, speculating on why you might have made those choices is only going to cause you anxiety and pain.

"If you want to have a life with Bella, the best thing you can do is acknowledge to yourself that you're a good person now and then continue to be a good person. You have the choice, right now, to decide how you're going to live your life from this moment on. If I were you, I would make that decision based on what's in front of you, not on what's behind. You can't change the past, whatever it is, so just let it be. If you're lucky, it will never come looking for you."

She was right, and I knew it. The whole problem was exactly what Bella had said—I tended to think too much about things that I couldn't change and had no control over. I needed to just let them go and focus on the things I could do, like getting my life in order now and spending time with Bella.

"You're right, Angela. I'm going to do my best to not think about this anymore and to look forward and not back. I owe that much to Bella…and maybe to myself, too."

"You definitely owe it to yourself, Edward. You _are_ a good person, and if you don't believe me, just ask the girl who fell in love with you. If you can't see it clearly in yourself, then look to her. She wouldn't have given her heart to you unless she was sure about you…and I'm sure about you too."

"Thank you," I said, my cheeks warming a bit.

"Just doing my job," she said with a wink. "I'll see you back next week to see how things are going, okay?"

"I'll be here," I replied as I rose from the chair.

As I sat outside the hospital and waited for Bella, I thought about what Angela had said. I realized that I had heard most of it before—from Bella. Both of them thought that I shouldn't feel guilty about the things I'd done in the past that I couldn't explain. They had both tried to make me see that I had a choice to make—either to move forward, or to let my shadowy past rule me. Somehow, when I put it that way, the choice was simple. Every day was a new day, and I could be who I wanted to be, and the only person making me wait around for the person I had been, was me. No one else had put this burden on me. I'd taken it upon myself, and only I had the power to remove it.

And I would.

Right now.

I had been a drug dealer. Knowing that sucked, but fuck it, there was nothing I could do about it now and no way to learn more about it, so there it was. And that's all it was. Two words in my head with no connection to my life right now…and that's the way it would stay.

By the time Bella walked up to me, I was smiling, and she raised an eyebrow as she looked at me. I stood up, put my hands on either side of her face, and kissed her soundly, running my tongue along her bottom lip needily. She opened to me, and I pulled her closer, my palm pressing on her lower back as her hand wound its way into the hair on the back of my neck. We kissed until we both needed oxygen, and she broke away from me, panting.

"What was that all about?" she asked, trying to catch her breath.

"I'm just…happy," I said, flashing her a brilliant smile as my eyes took in every detail of her—from her chocolate brown hair tied back in a ponytail, to the cute little tennis shoes that poked out from under her scrubs.

She smiled up at me. "You had a good session with Angela, didn't you?"

"I guess you could say that," I admitted, since it had led me to the decision I had just made.

"Did you—"

"Yes," I interrupted her, not really wanting to go through the whole thing again. "And you were right. I think it did help."

"Good," she said with a nod and a satisfied smile.

As we started walking to the truck, I had an idea. "Hey, I was thinking… Why don't we go out for dinner tomorrow night? We already live together, so this isn't exactly the usual 'dating' experience. Can I take you out on a real, honest-to-goodness date?"

"Um, sure…I mean, of course," she replied, blushing a bit and cocking an eyebrow at me.

"Good," I said, a plan beginning to form in my mind.

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A/N: Are ya proud of him? I sure am! He's come so very far since those days in the hospital, and is discovering who he truly is. Who you are doesn't depend on what your name is, or what you've already done, but on the choices you make as you go along. You can always choose to be someone else—to be better than you were. Bravo, Edward!

Speaking of things to celebrate, How to Forget is up for an Energize W.I.P. Award for Most Promising Twilight Fanfiction (canon). If you're enjoying the story, please go vote! :)

www*einfacheumfrage*de/RespWeb/Cuestionarios*aspx? EID=1644284&MSJ=NO#Inicio

(replace the * with . and delete the space after the question mark and the link will work! Stupid FFN! Why can't you just let people post links!?)


	20. Chapter 19

**Chapter 19**

**Bella**

The next day when I picked Edward up from work, he was grinning like the Cheshire cat. "What's got you so happy?" I asked as he got into the truck.

"Oh, my knee feels better, it's Friday night, and you and I have a date," he said smugly, grinning even wider, if that was possible.

"Okay, you're scaring me," I told him, turning my eyes back to the road as I drove us home.

He just chuckled and continued to smile to himself.

When we got home, he hurried into the apartment ahead of me, and I just shook my head as I followed behind him. Whatever he had meant to do, he was done with it by the time I came in, because he was standing in the living room, grinning at me.

"What are you up to?" I demanded.

"Just making sure things were ready," he said cagily. "Now, go get dressed for dinner."

I walked back to the bedroom and found a new black dress laid out on the bed, complete with three-inch stiletto heels. There was a note beside it from Alice that said, "You are the luckiest girl in the world!"

I grinned, understanding now why Edward had looked so smug. He had plans for tonight. I put on the dress and heels and looked at myself in the mirror. It was a simple sheath dress with a slightly flared skirt that fell to my mid‑thigh, with three-quarter-length sleeves. I couldn't believe that Alice had picked out something so short! But I had to admit, it made my legs look long and slender, and the dress hugged my waist like a glove.

I walked down the hall and found Edward in the living room waiting for me, and I stopped dead and stared in astonishment. He was dressed in black dress pants and a pale blue button-down shirt, untucked and with the top button open. Over that, he wore a gray suit jacket, unbuttoned, his hands causally in his pockets. He was the sexiest thing I'd ever seen. I knew my mouth was hanging open, so I made an effort to close it.

When he saw me, he looked me up and down and then up again, and the lust in his eyes was unmistakable. "Wow," he said, coming over and casually putting his hand on my waist.

"Wow yourself," I countered, leaning in to kiss him. It was meant to be a chaste kiss, but once my lips met his and I could smell the slightly spicy scent of his aftershave, I pressed closer and deepened it, my tongue searching his out hungrily. I felt his hands slide under my dress to cup my ass, but suddenly, both hands and lips were gone.

"Uh-uh…not now. We're going out for dinner first," he chastised me, dazzling me with his smile.

"Can I undress you later?" I asked impetuously.

"Oh yes, I promise you can," he purred seductively, running his fingers down my jawline before turning to pick up my keys.

He led me out to the truck and insisted on driving.

"This is a date, remember? Now pretend that things are normal and I picked you up, all right?"

I just laughed and gave in. This was his show tonight, and there was no way I was going to ruin it for him. We left Forks and headed north on the 101. "Are we going to Port Angeles?" I asked curiously.

"I'm not telling," he replied coyly.

"Come on, give me a hint. There's nothing else out this way, unless we're planning on camping."

"Okay," he conceded. "We're going to PA. We have dinner reservations at Martini's."

"Wow, I've never eaten there before. Fancy," I commented, a grin spreading across my face.

"Let's hope so," he said optimistically.

The restaurant was fabulous. Edward was the perfect gentlemen—opening my car door, pushing in my chair, making sure my wine glass stayed filled, and keeping me laughing with his smartass remarks. It was like going on a first date with a man I was already in love with, but he was different too—more confident and open than I'd ever seen him, and…free.

As we finished dinner, I looked across the table at him, measuring my words carefully. "Edward, I'm having a wonderful evening. What made you decide to do all this?"

He looked up at me a little shyly. "Well, yesterday I decided to start over. I'm going to do my very best to forget about my past, whatever it is, and not let it rule me. I can't do anything about it, but what I can do is decide how I want to live now. So…I thought about what I would do if I had just met you and wanted to take you out on a date, and this is what I would do."

I was…speechless. My God, this was the Edward I had always wanted to meet—the one that I had seen flashes of for the last four months, hiding under the insecurity and confusion of his situation. This was the Edward who had made love to me last week and asked me to close my eyes, and who had dazzled me and every other girl at Tyler's and then taken me home and had his way with me. And now, this Edward was here to stay. He had finally managed to let go. I couldn't help the tears that slid down my cheeks as I smiled at him, and he reached across the table for my hand.

"Hey, I didn't mean to make you cry," he said, looking concerned.

"I'm just…amazed," I said amidst the tears. "I fell in love with who you've been these last four months, but I could also see that there was so much more. Now, the more is…right here and…"

He brought my hand to his lips and kissed it gently. "Thank you for seeing me, and for loving me. You had faith in me when I had none in myself, and I'll be forever grateful for that. You helped me get through this and get to the point where I feel like a whole person again. I can never repay you, but I can love you for the rest of my life."

"Oh, Edward…" Now the tears fell in earnest, and I gave him a watery smile as I tried to get a hold of myself. This was, by far, the happiest moment of my life.

"Are you ready to go home?" he asked softly.

"Yes."

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**Edward**

Bella was quiet the entire ride home. Not a bad quiet, since we held hands the entire way, but I think she was thinking about what I had told her and the decision that I'd made. Was I really that different than I'd been before? I guess I was, because I had been so hesitant and so unwilling to let myself get involved in anything here. I had really been living my life in a holding pattern, and it felt so good just to let it go.

We walked up to the apartment together, and I unlocked the door, hoping that Alice had done the rest of her duties. I turned on the light, and there on the kitchen table were a dozen red roses in a glass vase with a red bow tied around it. Bella gasped as she saw them and turned and threw herself into my arms.

She looked up at me. "Edward, they're beautiful! No one has ever gotten me roses before!"

"You're kidding me!" I said incredulously. Who the hell had she been dating up until now? I thought about that jackass Riley. I guess it made sense. "Well, I'll have to do it more often, then," I vowed, bringing her hand up to my lips and kissing it.

She grabbed my hand and brought it to her own mouth, taking my index and middle fingers in and sucking on them softly. The sensation when straight to my groin, and I was hard in an instant.

"Oh, Bella," I murmured, exhaling heavily as I imagined those lips around my cock.

It must've been the effect that she wanted, because I saw her lips curl into a smile around my fingers. She reached up and slid my jacket over my shoulders, and I let it fall to the ground behind me. Next, her hands crept up under my shirt, making me shiver as she ghosted her fingers over my ribcage, her thumbs seeking out my nipples and making slow circles over the sensitive flesh. I groaned as I molded my lips to hers, my hands reaching under her too-short dress and cupping her ass, kneading gently as my tongue explored her mouth.

I wanted to pull her dress over her head, but I wasn't done with my plan yet, so I resisted the temptation. I broke away from our kiss and put a finger to her lips.

"Wait here a moment, okay?"

She nodded, and I backed away from her, heading down the hallway to the bedroom. Alice had done an amazing job. The bedroom was softly lit, with candles on the dresser and nightstands, and a bottle of champagne sat on the dresser chilling in an ice bucket, two glasses beside it.

I stripped from the waist down and unbuttoned my dress shirt, but decided to leave it on for now. I poured the champagne and set the glasses on the nightstand and then sat on the bed with my back to the headboard. I wanted to see the look on her face when she walked into the room.

"Bella," I called, and I heard her footsteps approaching.

She froze in the doorway, her eyes not falling on the candles or on the champagne, but on me. I looked down and realized that I was stretched out on the bed in only my dress shirt, which hid nothing, my erection resting against my thigh. I smirked a bit as I met her eyes—I couldn't have planned _that_ better if I'd tried. I patted the mattress beside me and waggled my eyebrows at her, and she chuckled as she watched me.

She was four steps into the room before she noticed the soft light from the candles and the glasses of champagne, and the smile that lit up her face was exactly the one I'd been waiting for. "You really did have a plan for tonight, didn't you?" she said as she came around the bed to stand beside me.

"Well, I had a little help," I admitted, mentally reminding myself that I owed Alice big time.

I stood up, and her hand was on me instantly, her palm sliding up and down my shaft as I groaned and bit my lip. "You're overdressed for this occasion," I stated matter-of-factly as I slid my hands up her thighs, using the backs of my wrists to raise her dress until I could see her black satin panties underneath.

"Wow," I murmured. I didn't know where those came from—maybe I owed Alice more than I thought. I continued lifting her dress and followed it with my mouth, trailing a line of kisses from her navel up to her bra and between her breasts as I pulled the fabric over her head. I found her lips then, our tongues tangling as I pulled her in closer to me, skin on skin. _Oh God._ I whimpered softly against her mouth as my cock brushed against the silkiness between her legs, the feel of it making me weak in the knees.

I felt her smile against my lips as she brought her hands up to grip my shoulder blades, pulling herself as close to me as possible and then grinding her satin-covered pussy up the length of my cock.

"Oh f-f-fuck, Bella," I moaned against her shoulder, holding her tightly as I shivered from the incredible sensation of softness and heat.

"Mmm…I think you're a fan of satin," she purred against my chest, continuing to grind slowly up and down as I struggled to keep my head.

"Ooohh…you'd better stop that, or it's going to be a very short evening," I murmured, finally finding the presence of mind to pull back from her.

She jutted her lip out in a pout as she looked at me, and I grabbed said lip between my teeth, sucking on it gently for a moment as I closed my eyes.

"Another time," I murmured. "I have other plans for tonight."

I took her hand and walked around the bed, pulling her with me. I picked up one of the glasses of champagne and took a sip, savoring the sweet and dry flavor for a moment.

"Don't I get some?" she asked petulantly, putting her hand on top of mine around the glass I was holding.

"Oh yes, you get some," I said seductively, taking another sip and holding it in my mouth as I brought my lips to hers.

She caught on in a moment and opened to me, her tongue reaching for mine as we shared the champagne. She startled as the fizzing liquid entered her mouth, her eyes flying open before she relaxed into a soft, purring, "Mmm…"

"Would you like some more?"

She reached over and picked up her own glass, taking a sip and covering my lips with hers. I jumped a bit as the bubbly liquid washed over my tongue—it was a different sensation to be on the receiving end of the kiss, and I wasn't prepared for it.

She giggled. "You weren't expecting that."

"No, I wasn't," I admitted. "I didn't know it was different if you were the one receiving the kiss."

We took turns drinking and kissing for a time, our hands gently exploring and stroking, until half the champagne was gone and I felt relaxed and a little buzzy.

I took the glasses and placed them on the nightstand, and I felt her hand ghost down my back as I turned, leaving a trail of tingly sensation in its wake.

I put my hand on her chest between her breasts and guided her backwards until she made contact with the bed, and as she sat, I knelt down and slid the stilettos off her feet. I massaged them for a moment as she played with the collar on my shirt, suddenly reaching over and running her hands over my shoulders and down, pulling the shirt with her and sliding the sleeves deftly off my arms.

I was naked now, and she was still wearing a bra and panties. This was hardly fair. I knelt up between her thighs and reached both hands around her back, unhooking her bra with a flick of my wrist and pulling it off her shoulders. The panties could stay for now. She lay back on the bed, and I stood up and took another sip of champagne before sitting down beside her and leaning over her gorgeous breasts.

I took a nipple into my mouth before she could even touch me, and she jumped and gasped as the champagne made contact with her soft skin, her nipple hardening instantly as I sucked and lapped my tongue over it.

"Jesus, Edward," she exclaimed, her hands scrabbling for purchase on my shoulders as I continued to lavish her breast with my attentions.

"Did that feel good?" I asked smoothly, my eyes darting up to hers as I stopped, blowing gently on the nipple I'd just released and watching her shiver deliciously in response.

"Augh," she groaned, looking at me hazily.

"Can I try that somewhere else?" I inquired, my fingers threading underneath the elastic of her panties and slowly stroking there.

Her eyes widened as she realized what I meant, and she nodded slowly, the desire in her eyes plain.

I slid off the bed and got another mouthful of champagne, then came back to stand next to the bed. I played with her clit lazily through her panties, stroking myself as she writhed and moaned in response. I smiled in satisfaction—this was going to blow her mind. I quickly slipped her panties off and knelt before her, spreading her legs and bringing my lips to her clit. I gently sucked it into my mouth and lifted my tongue so the champagne washed over it, and she literally screamed in response, throwing her head back and scaring the hell out of me as her leg muscles contracted. Somehow, I managed to stay where I was, licking and sucking at her sensitive skin as her rapid breathing told me she was building rapidly towards orgasm.

"Oh God, oh God, Edward," she panted as her breath hitched and the muscles around my tongue began spasming.

I reached my hand down to stroke my cock in rhythm with the sensations against my tongue.

She sat up and grabbed my shoulders, pulling me to straddle her as she crushed her lips against mine. I lost myself in the kiss immediately, my cock rock hard and throbbing after feeling her orgasm and pleasuring myself at the same time.

"You have to let me do that to you," she insisted between kisses. Oh God…I could only imagine what that would feel like. I was more than a little afraid after watching her reaction. This had been my idea, though…

"All right," I said as I rolled off her, and she eagerly put her hands on my chest and pushed me down onto the bed. I moved to lie in the center as she scrambled off the bed to retrieve the champagne, her eyes bright with excitement.

I think she could tell I was nervous, because she began by stroking me gently until I closed my eyes and the muscles in my arms relaxed, and I was moaning softly with each downstroke. I felt her grip my hips with her hands as she brought her lips to rest against the tip of my cock. And suddenly, her lips were over me and "_Oh!" _My hands tangled in the sheets as sensation exploded outward from my cock to every muscle in my body. I shook and shivered. I couldn't even tell for a moment if I'd come or not, as the pleasure/pain sensation rocketed through me. It was _incredible_. I'd never felt anything so intense, and as I opened my eyes and looked down at her still sucking me, I realized that I was still hard and wanting, and more aroused than I'd ever been.

She grinned up at me, but I was past playing—I desperately wanted to be inside of her. "Oh, Bella, I want to fuck you so hard," I whispered as I cupped her jaw, pulling her upward to kiss her urgently.

"Yes…please," she muttered between kisses, and I took that as leave to take her as I wanted.

I rolled her on to her back and lifted her hips off the bed, pulling her toward me as lined my cock up with her center. She met my eyes for a moment before I entered her, the raw lust I saw there making me almost cry out with need. I drove into her rapidly, and we both cried out in pleasure. Suddenly, I was pounding into her as she threw her head back to raise herself even farther off the bed, arms clutched over her chest as she moaned in time with my thrusts. I gave myself over to sensation, knowing nothing but the spikes of pleasure driving into me as I fucked her. I groaned with each thrust, the sound becoming more ragged and low as I felt my balls tightening, building toward my release. I opened my eyes to the sight of her rubbing her clit, and suddenly, I was crying out as I pulsed inside of her, her voice following mine as she came.

I laid my head on her outstretched arm, breathing hard and still lost in a haze.

"First date, huh?" she said, looking at me and smirking.

"Well…up until we came into the bedroom anyway. After that, it was definitely second date stuff."

"I see… Somehow I don't think many girls would survive dating you," she said, reaching up to brush the hair from my forehead.

"I'm hoping that you'll stay on the survivors list," I quipped, turning to kiss her again before I curled up on her shoulder.

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**Bella**

The next morning, Edward cooked me breakfast, and we spent a lazy Saturday until it was time to meet up with Alice and Jasper. Alice poked and prodded for details of our evening, but all Edward would say was that it went according to plan. I played along and didn't divulge any details, either.

When he and Jasper had gone up to get another round of beer, Alice nodded toward Edward and then flashed me a brilliant smile, and I couldn't help but grin smugly.

"He's a completely new man, Bella. He's even more relaxed and comfortable than he was last week, and that's saying something. You have to tell me what happened!"

I grinned again. I couldn't help it. I was just so damn happy about the whole thing! "I can't tell you all of it, because I made a promise that I wouldn't, but he's basically decided to forget about his past and start living for now."

"Really?" Alice asked, the amazement plain in her voice. "But all he's ever wanted was to get back to where he was…"

"Well, something happened to change his mind, and he's decided that he'd rather be with me than wait around for something that may never happen," I said delicately, trying to explain to her while still preserving Edward's secrets.

She raised an eyebrow at me, but she didn't press for any more details. "Well, whatever caused it, I think it's good for him, and I know it's great for you," she gushed, squeezing my arm as she said it.

We didn't dance this week, and Edward had two beers and called it quits, but we still had a wonderful evening. Edward was in what I'd come to refer to as "boyfriend mode"—his hands were always on some part of me, and he was extremely attentive. It thrilled me to be the object of so much attention and affection. No guy that I had ever dated before treated me quite the way that Edward did.

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On Thursday night when I picked Edward up after his appointment with Angela, he had a very pensive look on his face, and I was immediately concerned. Was he back to thinking about who he had been so soon? Had he remembered something else? It had only been a week, and I had been hoping that he'd really be able to let go of everything… I didn't say anything, but I watched him furtively as he cooked us dinner. He seemed quiet and distracted. Something was definitely on his mind.

I let it go until we were done cleaning up, and as he put down the dishtowel and made to walk out of the kitchen, I grabbed him around the waist and put my head against his shoulder blade. "Now that we're done eating, I want to know what's eating _you_. I've been watching you since I picked you up, and something has you completely distracted."

He pulled me around to the front of him and hugged me to his chest. "You've always been pretty good at reading me, and you're getting even better," he observed.

"Thanks, but somehow, I don't think that's what's bothering you," I teased, raising an eyebrow.

He got very serious all of a sudden, and I could tell he was nervous. "You're right. There's something I want to talk to you about. Can we sit?" he asked, gesturing toward the couch.

My heart was in my throat as I went and sat beside him. I had no idea what this was about, but suddenly, I was afraid. Had he remembered something? Changed his mind about letting everything go? Changed his mind about us? I closed my eyes and shook my head a little to force myself to stop speculating.

He took my hands in his, his bright green eyes meeting mine and holding me in place.

"I have a favor to ask of you…and it's a big one. You know I've decided to move on with my life and not wait for my memory to come back…"

I nodded encouragingly.

"Well, I think that needs to involve more than just our relationship. I enjoy working for Mike, but I know I can do more than I'm doing now, and I'd really like to.

"I think I'd like to go to school to be a counselor. Angela has really helped me a lot, and I think I could do the same for other people. And...knowing what I was and not knowing how I got there—I'd like to think that I just got in over my head and then couldn't get out. And I know I wouldn't be the only person that's ever happened to. Maybe I could help other people move past their bad choices, too."

"I think that's a wonderful idea!" I exclaimed. "I'm sure you'd be awesome at it, and I think it's great that you want to help people with your experience."

"Would you help me try to go back to school? I wouldn't be able to work as much if I did, at least until I got done…"

I smiled warmly at him. "Edward, I'd be happy to do that. I was managing on my own in this apartment before you came along. I make more than enough to support us both while you're in school. And I'm so glad that you've found something that you think you want to do. It's important to me that you're happy with your life, and choosing what you do is a big part of that."

He hugged me then, his relief obvious in the way he held me. "Thank you, Bella. This really means a lot to me. I wish I had more to offer you, I really do, but all I can do is try to make good decisions from now on."

"Edward, you offer me plenty. Being with you makes me happier than I've ever been. And I'm thrilled to see that you're trying to make yourself happy. It tells me you're really on the road to recovering from all that's happened to you."

He chuckled. "You know, sometimes it's amazing how much you sound like Angela."

"Well, we're both smart women you should listen to," I told him as I smirked at him.

"Apparently," he admitted, smirking right back. "But anyway, I talked to Angela about this today, and since we have no idea of my level of education, I'm probably going to have to take the GED before a college would even look at me."

I looked at him thoughtfully. "Well, that's okay. I'm sure you can handle that, and maybe if you took it this fall, you could start at the community college in the spring to work on your basic courses."

"Yeah, that's kind of what I was thinking…" He trailed off. "But eventually, I'll have to go to Seattle to finish my degree, and maybe even do a Master's…"

"And I'll go with you," I said confidently. "I worked in Seattle after I graduated. I can work pretty much anywhere."

"You would do that?" he asked, clearly surprised.

"Well, of course I would! We're in this together now, aren't we? I want to be where you are, wherever that is!"

Now he hugged me close and tight, his head buried in my shoulder. "I don't deserve you," he murmured quietly.

"Of course you do," I assured him. "And you deserve to be happy and whole again. We'll get you there, I promise."

"Oh, I think I'm most of the way there," he said, leaning down to capture my lips.

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Edward began studying for the GED in the evenings, and he sent in an application to Forks Community College and was accepted tentatively for the spring, contingent on him getting his GED. He worked with diligence and purpose, and it brought out another trait I hadn't seen in him before: tenacity. When he set his mind to something, he didn't stop until it was done. Looking back, I guess I could see it in his dedication to his physical therapy, but it came out full force in his studying habits and his desire to be the best at what he was doing. He was a good student, and I could easily see that he probably already had a high school diploma, if not a college degree—there was just no way for us to prove it.

Life again fell into a pattern. We kept up our weekend outings with Alice and Jasper and dinners with my dad and Emmett, and during the week, Edward studied in the evening while I entertained myself. He still took time out to wine and dine me—fancy dinners in PA and in our own kitchen, walks on the beach when the weather was nice, and one Saturday, we even had a picnic in this beautiful meadow. It was more than I'd hoped for, and no less than perfect.

Everything _was_ perfect, except for two things: Edward's migraines continued, and the nightmares would still come to claim him in the night. I had hoped that deciding to let go of his past would mean an end to them, but he would still wake shaking and drenched in sweat…although now, my arms would encircle him and I would kiss him until I was more real than the nightmare, and he would fall back to sleep in the shelter of my embrace. I knew it bothered him that even though he'd decided to let go, the past wouldn't let go of him, but he did his best to shake it off and not let it affect him. I helped wherever I could, distracting him with my hands and lips whenever I saw the familiar shadow cross his face, trying to show him how to forget what haunted him still.

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A/N: Oh, how I love giving them happiness! Everything is finally falling into place! Yes, yes, all of you in the "other shoe" club, I know you think that something bad is going to happen soon…next post will be either Wednesday or Thursday. ;)

Some pretties for this chapter in the FB group, go check it out!

Voting is still open for the Energize W.I.P. Awards, and HTF is up for Most Promising Twilight Fanfiction (canon). If you're enjoying the story, please go vote! :)

www*einfacheumfrage*de/RespWeb/Cuestionarios*aspx? EID=1644284&MSJ=NO#Inicio (replace the * with . and delete the space after the question mark and the link will work)


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